mama-ology

Every little boy needs a three-piece red suit

2011-12-05T01:29:00.001-08:00

Our kids give a timeout to big banks!

2011-12-05T01:11:00.000-08:00

Mamas are busy in Oakland! My mamas group, ColorfulMamas of the 99%, organized a timeout for Wells Fargo in solidarity with Occupy Oakland and Occupy Wall Street. Our kids chant, "You're no fair! Pay your share!" For more information on our group "like" ColorfulMamas of the 99% on Facebook.

Sister and Brother

2011-07-21T02:04:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that they will always have each other.

Mama Sanity in and Insane World

2011-07-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

With Soluna, it took me 6 months after her birth to really start writing. So I forgive myself for waiting so long to really write about Macario. These past months have been a struggle.

One thing that "my birth as a mother" taught me was to trust my instincts, to believe in myself as a mama. This, I believe, is the biggest challenge of any mama... if you choose to accept it.

After Macario was born and I became a mama x two, everyone asks, "Are thing easier the 2nd time around?" Well, "Yes and No." I no longer spend my wee hours of the night worry about whether or not Macario is getting enough breast milk. I don't panic when he cries. I can read him a little easier. But, balancing my attention and my time between two kids is a crazy challenge. I am so tired, more tired then I have ever been and am doing more/holding more than I ever have in my life in my work, in my home and in my community. And there is a serious sense of urgency in all pieces of the work I hold. Because our kids deserve a good mom, a better education, a better world... mamas gotta do what they gotta do to hold things down.

The reality of it is that this has lead to lots of mama anxiety and because of my work in environmental justice/environmental health, I have really focused my anxiety on toxics. F'real. I use to think I was the opposite of a germ-a-phobe. I may now have become a toxic-a-phobe. Angela tells me that in the scale of phobias, toxics is better than germs. I believe her, just because somehow this makes me feel better about myself. hah.

It is actually a very long story about how this toxic-phobia has played out over the past 6 months... starting with a Moms conference on toxics, leading to some major changes in our lives, creating serious disruption, pushing me to therapy... and there have been some major realizations along the way. Anyhow, all of this cannot be shared in one post and I will try to stagger some of my findings in the next few weeks.... But ultimately, what I have learned is that it's hard to be a sane mama in an insane world. And along with this, it is hard to raise a healthy family in an unhealthy world.

Sigh. And so I begin to write again...

I wish...

2011-05-10T00:42:00.000-07:00

I wish I could hold the sweetest moments of mamahood forever. As we sleep 4 in a full size bed I see Soluna and Macario are asleep and holding hands. Peaceful, safe. Sometimes I forget to breathe in these moments, to let the love and contentment of my life wash over me. Sometimes the only things I feel are fear or anxiety, for all the things in the world that are not the way they should be and that I cannot control. I wish I could protect them from it all, but I am only human.

Big sister! Big belly! Big butt butt!

2011-02-09T01:00:00.000-08:00

Soluna loves to say she is the "Big sister! Big Belly! Big Butt Butt!" She is smothering little Macario with love which I would choose any day over big siblings that are jealous or semi-violent to their family's new addition. You don't have to see Soluna smothering, this picture tells the story!!

Welcome to the world, Macario!

2011-01-13T22:46:00.001-08:00

On January 5, 2011 at 6:22PM, I gave birth to our son Macario. He is named after my mom's father (who I call Tatang). He was a hardworking farmer and family man. Tatang took care of me throughout my childhood and was my favorite person in the world. While our little Macario may not look too much like him, I hope that he will have the same commitment that Tatang had to our community, family and earth.

Labor for little Macario was crazy and fast. I decided to have a natural birth, as I had planned for Soluna, but this time went to the Sacred Birth Place in Oakland to be assisted by midwives. Between contractions I was completely lucid and I remember passionately thinking to myself, "NEVER AGAIN! Remember this moment. NEVER AGAIN! It hurts! Don't ever get pregnant again." We'll see what happens.

Macario was 9 pounds 2 ounces. He practically slipped out of me to be caught by the careful hands of his papa. He is beautiful. I don't know what to do with a little boy, but I'll learn.

Homebirth

2010-12-09T10:03:00.000-08:00

This Monday, when I turned 35 weeks pregnant, Ben and I made a major decision. We decided to have a homebirth. Technically, it's a homebirth, but it'll actually happen at a Birth Center with a midwife that is not a doctor or nurse. We had considered it earlier on in pregnancy, but with finances so tight, I felt it would be the best decision to just have a doula at Kaiser. But, it didn't feel right.

So we had our first appointment with the women at the Sacred Birth Place yesterday. The meeting was 2.5 hours long, longer than ALL the time I have spent with my OBGYN since the beginning of my pregnancy. They asked so many questions about my health, sexuality, my fears, my previous labor, etc. She explained how they were going to do an examination to determine the shape of my pelvis to gain a better idea of what obstacles the baby might have on his/her way out. Who does this anymore?!? It was nice to know that the women doing my prenatal care are also going to be at my labor, something that does not happen at Kaiser. And, Soluna was free to play around with one of the midwives' sons and together they jumped on the bed where I was being examined and "helped." Things feel so much better and I feel even more ready to bring this baby into the world.

the light that fills the world

2010-08-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

I think over again my small adventures, my fears.
These small ones that seemed so big.
For all the vital things I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing.
The only thing.
To live to see the great day that dawns.
And the light that fills the world."
- Old Inuit song spoken

A little something on this week's episode of True Blood.

do you remember?

2010-07-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

Mamas definitely have selective memory. As I barely survive my 1st Trimester with baby #2, I am only remembering now how hard my pregnancy with Soluna was. I imagine mamas were made to forget how crazy sick we get during pregnancy and the pain of labor, so that we continue to have more children. Honestly, I feel horrible. I can't wait until I feel like myself again. I hope that is sometime during this pregnancy and not after our little one is born. I think I was sick for the first 6 months of my pregnancy with Soluna.

No Worries

2010-07-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

"No worries. It's okay, mama. I'm here." These are the words I hear from my little 2 year old when I am frantically looking for my keys, when I mention that my stomach hurts, or when someone cuts me off on the freeway and I can barely hold back a few curse words. Sometimes she says these things when I haven't even said anything. I just look a little flustered. I am reminded at how this little one came from me and while we are no longer connected physically via umbilical cord, we are still very much connected.

I'm gonna stare you down!

2010-06-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Soluna attended her second soccer class this week at Mosswood Park and afterwards we took her to the parks playground so she could run out any energy she had left. There were two kids playing in this one area of the playground and Soluna ran toward them ready to play there too. A little boy, a few years older than her, stopped her and said, "No babies allowed" and shut an imaginary door on her. Soluna did not cry. She did not run to mom and dad. Actually, she didn't say a word. She stood her ground and stared him down with the face of a girl who means business. We watched her from afar. It was a good amount of time that she just looked at him... until he unlocked the imaginary door and said, "Okay, babies allowed!"

I would love to know what was being said in her inner-monologue, if she has one yet. But now you know... don't mess with Ms. Soluna. My little girl is learning to defend herself, such an important trait. Next time someone tells me something I don't want to hear, I'm gonna do a Soluna.

"You need new su-sus!"

2010-06-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

There is some bittersweet about weaning Soluna. After 2.5 years of breastfeeding, I really believe that she is physically and emotionally healthier and smarter then she would have been without all of mama's milk, time and comfort.

After getting pregnant a few months ago, my body just did not feel right with a toddler at my breast. I was feeling drained, my nipples were sore. I always use to say, "breastfeeding is for the lazy mom like me." Breastfeeding was magic on a crazy day. All I had to do was sit down, hold Soluna in my arms and put her to my breast. She wad eat, sleep, find comfort. But as a pregnant mama, breastfeeding is no longer for the lazy. My body felt more tired, more drained and it was not right for the little one growing inside.

So I started cutting down her breastfeeding time. I told her that I was feeling tired and she was growing up. I explained it was time for her to have less "su-su" (as she calls it). In a few weeks, at night I took her off my breast when she was still awake and had her fall asleep on her. I distracted her from breastfeeding during the day or in the morning. There was a little resistance, but she was ready. She eventually stopped asking for it for a few days and my milk just quickly dried up. No engorgement. She eventually did ask for milk and I hesitantly put her to my breast and asked, "Is there milk?" She exclaimed, "YOU NEED NEW SU-SUs, MAMA!" She also proceeded to ask for a glass of milk, not to drink, but that she though I needed to put my susu into to get milk. What a great idea! I told her that I didn't need new susus, that she had drank all the milk and was a little girl now. I have her a high-five and a big hug.

She still asks for susu and sometimes when she is sleeping, she leans over to grab a nipple. There is something so bittersweet in my baby becoming a little girl. Our relationship is evolving and she is learning to be her own person.

Finding Home in Oakland

2010-02-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

I previously wrote about my family's struggles to keep our home. We, like many Americans, made the tough decision to foreclose. And we are in the thick of things right now as we struggle to find an affordable place in Oakland, pack up our things while downsizing and move before the looming "deadline." I've learned some things while slipping down the socio-economic ladder a few notches:

1. An affordable home in Oakland is VERY hard to find, especially with a dog.

2. Making folks with poor credit or low-income pay an extra rental deposit makes no sense. I understand that renters are taking an extra "risk" by renting to those with less desireable financial circumstances, but expecting those folks to pay a larger deposit makes no sense. Instead of that money sitting in the owner's bank account, why not make renters "pay-down" their rent at the beginning? Maybe paying $100-$150 x 12 months upfront would work better then taking away folk's extra emergency money.

3. There are so many things to think about when looking for a new place when you have kids. Here are a few of my dealbreakers: freeway as a front/back yard, dry cleaners or other environmentally hazardous businesses in the vicinity, bars on the windows, un-safe neighborhoods, graffitti in stairwells... Don't all kids have the right to live places without these things?

4. We're not the only ones going through this. Last night we watched "Capitalism: A Love Story" and it was totally a bad idea because we could relate so much, too much.

5. We're still SO lucky. We have family and friends that helped us move and took care of Soluna while we moved. We found an apartment we can afford in a pretty nice neigborhood. We still got a roof over our heads, food in our belly and each other!!

(re)dreaming

2010-01-18T02:01:00.001-08:00

On December 23, Soluna turned two. It was a beautiful day, seeing my little toddler enjoy playing with her little friends and cousins. I haven't been writing in this blog lately. I finally got through the holidays, the party planning and am currently working two part-time jobs. But, a lot has been on my mind. There is something very primal, and maybe hormonal, about a mama feeling the need to focus on family and caring for her baby in the first months/years of motherhood and putting career/educational goals aside for a bit. I've really felt that intensely, but now, I feel like I'm waking up and feeling the passion and urgency to move and act on dreams. The funny thing is, I'm still unsure of what those dreams are.

Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?

So many options seem paralyzing.

I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?

2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.

If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.

Still growing, learning, moving forward.

5 Favorites of a Toddler in NYC

2009-11-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

To take full advantage of Ben's (f)un-employment and to celebrate my 30th birthday, we took a last minute trip to NYC. Okay, let's be REAL. Soluna "left" her legs in California. She didn't walk anywhere and we were struggling to carry her up and down subway steps. She didn't even want to be in her Ergo which meant our arms got really ripped that week. So maybe Manhattan isn't the most kid-friendly place in terms of transportation (especially with a cranky almost 2 year old who doesn't like strollers)...

But, if you are traveling to New York with a toddler there are some really great places to go. Here are our top 5 things to do with a Toddler in Manhattan:

1) Children's Museum of Manhattan: Soluna sung and danced during story time, played on a NYC firetruck, checked out the Dora exhibit, climbed, etc. Luckily all the grandparents gave her some spending money. We spent $10 each to go to the CMOM, but it was well worth it.

2) Diana Ross Playground: The safety standards in NYC playgrounds are a little lax compared to those in California... making this playground in Central Park AWESOME! Kids can swing, climb, chase, balance, slide, etc. It's right on West 81st Street in Central Park and with it's close proximity to Turtle Pond, The Museum of Natural History, Belvedere Castle... it's a great place to take a break so your kids can unwind and, hopefully, get tired enough for a nap!

3) Books of Wonder: GREAT bookstore where we got Soluna her new favorite book, Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale, about a Brooklyn toddler who loses her bunny at the laundromat.

4) Any Subway Train: We might have hated climbing up subway steps with our extra 25lbs of love (aka Soluna), but she LOVED the subway. She loved the wind in her face when it zoomed by. She loved people watching and making new friends on the subway. She loved falling asleep while getting some su-su on the train.

5) Cafe Lalo: Okay, this is NOT the place for parents who want their kids to be sugar-free. BUT, it is the BEST place for parents who have a sweet tooth of their own. I had the Chocolate Indulgence, "the ultimate dessert made with pure Belgium chocolate, a flourless cake on our hommade fresh strawberry puree, topped with whipped cream and a splash of frangelico." Soluna had a scoop of vanila ice-cream. We were both in heaven.

Playground Politics: When kids hurt kids...

2009-10-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

Technically, we weren't in the playground, we were at a pumpkin patch. After an hour of "swimming" in a corn kernal pool, maneuvering through a mini maze and checking out pumpkins in a real pumpkin patch, we were happily heading to our car with Soluna in a borrowed wagon. In the corner of my eye, I see a little kid run up behind her. I turn just in time to see this little kid grab Soluna's hair with force enough to jerk her head back. Ben saw also, and we still are unsure of the kids age. He says 4, I say 5-6. And he remembers the kid kinda yelling at her before doing it.

Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.

On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.

So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?

* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.

Try! Try!

2009-09-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

It is hard for me to believe that my little baby is actually a little girl now. This realization only comes when I hold a tiny newborn, look down at him and know in my heart that at this moment he will not talk back to me or grab my susu and proclaim "Mine!" Soluna speaks some complete sentences including, "I love susu!" and "Where are you?" She dances to music and is trying to sing her own songs. She has yet to learn that my family and Ben's family have never had a singer and is pretty much tone deaf.

But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.

I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"

Playground Politics: The Aggressively Gentle Mom and Daughter

2009-08-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

I keep telling everyone that I want to write an article about playground politics. I have a lot of "observations" but have no idea what I would be trying to get at in such an article. I don't think there are specific rules that kids or parents need to follow and I'm not yet convinced that the playground is a microcosm of the real world, although I still think race/class/gender are neat to observe in playground interactions.

Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.

At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."

Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!

Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."

What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?

Hello, again...

2009-08-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

someone said that the short baby boom was over. Apparently, my friends did not get the memo. There have been so many new baby posts on facebook and more babies on the way to count. I have a little bit of an itch to have our second, but I keep thinking about how nice it is to have just Soluna and I together during the day. Things are finally starting to feel a little easier and we've been laughing, playing and exploring together more without as many little baby issues to worry about.

Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.

I love her.

Here she is with a grease high on our trip to North Carolina after eating hush puppies, ribs, fried corn on the cobb, and sweet potato fries:

"happy papi!"

2009-06-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Papi's Day, Benji!!

Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night when in the dark we hear a little, but loud voice say "Agua, please. Agua!" over and over again. Thank you for having infectuous belly laughs. Thank you for taking care of the heavy stuff. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for being reliable. Thank you for supporting mama dreams even if they change from day to day.

We love you!

Is 7 the lucky number?

2009-06-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

My mom has been telling me and everyone else that I plan on breastfeeding Soluna until she is 7. It's kind of her "joke" but she is continually trying to discourage me and Soluna from continuing our nursing relationship. She flat out says to Soluna "Why are you still breastfeeding? You're not a baby anymore!" She tells me that my breasts are going to be down to my knees. Great! I asked my Inang (my mom's mom) how long she breastfed her kids (all 8 of them) and she said around 1-2 years, except my Uncle Alex that breastfed until he was 7. That's where my mom got the number 7. It does not matter that Soluna is still in that 1-2 years stage, my mom insists that it's time to stop. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to her. Actually Ben's grandma also said she breastfed her youngest until an age where she came home from school and breastfed. I think it's our mamas' generation that actually decided to stop earlier and, interestingly, I think it was part of their "Americanization" although I bet neither my mom or Ben's mom would admit it.

With that said, I am posting a link to a blog post that cites some research that concludes that the longer you breastfeed the higher your kids GPA will be and the more likely they will go to college. I think research like this is kind of funny because a) there is no way to prove breastfeeding relates specifically to the two outcomes, and b) you can prove almost anything by the way you set-up your experiment. But, I still like to see this research... because maybe it is true... and that would be nice.

words words words

2009-06-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Soluna has been talking, talking, talking. I love it. Here are a few things she's saying pretty regularly:

mom, mommy, papi, papa, lolo, lola, apong, abuelo, abuela, dog, ball, cat, duck, quack, go, walk, outside, inside, aqua, please, thank you, excuse me, wow, owie, lali, jair, baby, kids, play, head, eyes, hand, nose, socks, shoes, susu, hurry, faster, up, down, ice cream, cookie, katie, two, mango, avocado, go, bed, pee pee, caca, bird, butterfly, uh oh, mine, book, num-num (hungry), emma, pizza, hat, Giants!

And there's so much more she understands!

the Big Box

2009-05-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

Toni Morrison wrote this children's book entitled the Big Box. I found it when I was in college and bought it under the assumption that some day I would have kids and I would want to have a cool library of books that were multi-cultural and ethnic studies-ish. I found it in my parents garage a few weekends ago and re-read it. Soluna is definitely not ready for it. But it's pretty deep and a great parent read. It's about three kids who adults feel "can't handle their freedom" so they put them in a box and give them things to appease them. I would love to talk to other parents who have read it.

"'But I comb my hair and I don't do drugs
And every day I vacuum the rugs.
I feed the hamster and water the plants
And once a week I hang up my pants
If owls can scream
And rabbits hop
And beavers chew trees when they need' em
Why can't I be a kid like me
Who doesn't have to handle his freedom?
I know you are smart and I know that you think
You're doing what is best for me.
But if freedom is handled just your way
Then it's not my freedom or free.'"

Save Your Pennies!

2009-05-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

While I haven't been posting lately, I have been discovering some interesting ways to get things for cheap or for free. We spent a lot of money nesting before Soluna's birth, not knowing that there are a lot of resources to get slightly used items for cheap or for free. So Bay Area parents save yourselves some money and check out these resources for free or cheap baby supplies (and you can get other things too):

* Craigslist.org -- Ok, duh. If you haven't checked craigslist for a new apartment, a new job or a sale at least once in the past 5 years, I don't know what planet you've been living on. We were able to find a carseat attachment thingy for our stroller and an extra carseat base for $5 each.

* Berkeley Parents Network -- For those in the San Francisco Bay Area you can sign-up to recieve emails from Berkeley Parents Network. They do a Marketplace email once a week with things people are giving away for free or trying to sell for a reduced price: maternity clothes, co-sleepers, baby slings, toys, cars (adult cars), etc. We were able to get an IKEA sofa bed for FREE, a nice clean one, for our extra bedroom. I see a bunch of things I bought new for full price on there and it annoys me every time. For our next kid, I'm definitely checkin' the emails for all our supplies.

* Freecycle -- I'm kind of new to freecycle, but basically you sign-up for a group in your area and get emails on things people are offering free or things people are looking for for free. I was able to give away some of our clutter through freecycle, but I've been seeing a bunch of kid and baby items posted for free. You can just reply to emails and folks usually leave the items on their porch for you to pick-up. It's FREE!! Why not check it out?!

* Yard Sales and Rummage Sales -- I haven't checked these out yet, but I need to. My mom found two cute little chairs for Soluna for 50 cents each. And she LOVES them! If you do sign-up for the Berkeley Parents Network emails, the Marketplace emails have listings in the area. And you can just keep an eye out for signs on the weekend.

* Clothing Swaps -- I went to a few parties of friends where folks bring clothes and accessories to swap. So just invite your friends over, have a little potluck and organize a little "store" where folks can exchange their old clothes or their baby's old clothes for something they need.

A Little Reader

2009-05-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

About two months ago Soluna got really into books. It started with making Ben and I read her favorite book Pio Peep! over and over and over again. After memorizing ALL her books, I realized it was time to head to the nearest Oakland Library to get new books and to attend storytime. Click here for a calendar of Oakland Libary events.

Here are a few of her new favorite books. A lot of which have little brown kids!

longtime no write

2009-04-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have about 5 posts that I am trying to complete about things like playground politics, grandparents and clean water, but my mommy brain can't seem to type out what I'm trying to say or figure out what I "really" think about each of these subjects. So I just want to let you know that I'm here and I'm busy thinking as I push Soluna in a swing at the park or help her to chase pigeons.

But don't forget to check-out Soluna's latest post.

Foot in Mouth Disease

2009-03-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

Worst 10 Things You Could Say to A Woman with Kids
Whether you can tell she's the mama or not

10. Are you babysitting?
9. Is it yours?
8. You really shouldn't be letting your kid [fill-in-what-your-kid-is-doing-here].
7. She doesn't look like you at all!!
6. Your baby has really nice [fill-in-body-part-here]... He must get those from his dad.
5. WHOA! He's SOOOOOO HUGE! or ... WHOA! She's SOOOOOO TINY!
4. Good thing your baby doesn't have your [fill-in-body-part-here].
3. Your kid is so [fill-in-undesireable-trait-here], my kid was very [fill-in-opposite-of-undesireable-trait here]!
2. Should you be doing personal errands while "on duty"?
1. Are those your kids? They have different dads, right?

Soluna's Mood this Month

2009-02-25T23:12:00.000-08:00

molars. stuffy nose. cough. fever.

Uprooted! Families of Color and the Housing Crisis

2009-02-25T02:35:00.001-08:00

Check out my post on the collaborative ColorfulMamas Blog!

ending hunger... one boobie at a time..

2009-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

Salma Hayek is awesome! Mamas/Babies sharing milk! What a beautiful thing. I read a blog entry about this a few months back that talks about the culture of sharing milk from ElementalMom.

Would you breatfeed another mama's baby? Would you share your milk?

14 Kids? Do you really think you can judge??

2009-02-11T16:31:00.000-08:00

"What would possess a family where's there's a husband and wife to want 12 kids or 18 kids? That's just what they feel is meaningful to them. Their family. Expanding a family. It's an amazing thing. I do believe that children are all blessings from god. And I feel it's all positive, it's positive experience. You know, I don't like to dwell on any of the negative. And - a lot of people do." - Nadya Suleman

When the story broke that a woman in Southern California gave birth to octuplets I was amazed. I couldn't imagine carrying 2 little babies in my belly, let alone 8. I was tired enough with just little 6lb 13oz Soluna sucking my nutrients and energy for 9 months. When the media started to dig a little deeper they learned that Nadya Suleman already had 6 children, that she was a single mother, a woman of color and had no steady income. She was using student loans, disability and food stamps to provide for her little ones. The world shook its head, sounded a few "tsk"s and started to wag its finger at her. How dare she? ... right!?

I reserved judgement and sat on this story for a few weeks before blogging more. But after watching last night's interview on NBC, I am so mad and it's not at mama. Now don't think I full-heartedly advocate for people to make the choices she has made. I'm not sure about her mental stability. I don't believe in in vitro fertilization where more than 3 embryos are placed in a mamas womb and, if they all take, can lead to an unsafe number of babies and the recommendation to abort a few children (or as they say "selectively reduce"). And, I think in our pop-culture right now, babies are "in" and mamas are jumpin' on the fad without second thought. Brangelina are doing it, why not you?

But her choices are her choices and the universe has a way of finding balance and teaching lessons for all those to hear. What really gets me mad are the questions raised by Ann Curry, another woman of color, and what it tells about our society's assumptions about being a good mother.

A few of the Questions:
"People are not trying to judge you... What they're trying to do is, it seems, trying to speak up for your children, who can't speak up for themselves. Your children cannot say, 'What are you doing, Mom? What are you doing? My life, my future, is being affected by your decision.'"
"But how is it not selfish to bring children in the world that you cannot actually afford?"
"Some people feel that it is a problem if you are a single mother because there isn't a father. And children need a father"

Assumption #1: Unmarried/unattached women should not be moms. They need a breadwinner, preferably a male one.
Assumption #2: Moms should not go to school or use their student loans to pay for taking care of their children. They should find a job.
Assumption #3: Moms have no right to public aid to help take care of their children. They should do it on their own! Freeloaders!
Assumption #4: Moms should voluntarily abort embryos to make it "safer."
Assumption #5: If poor people can't afford children, they shouldn't have them.

I feel like I could write a whole thesis on this. I know that this list of assumptions don't give this discussion justice, but I just don't have the time to go into more details. I'm just saying, think twice before you judge another mama. Becoming a mama and the number of children you wish to have is such a spiritual and personal choice and we have no reason to judge from the sidelines. It is not too uncommon to have huge families with lots of children. Poor people have the right to raise children and, often, they do it better than rich people.

home sweet home

2009-02-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

I am sad to write that last Friday our house was broken into. It didn't come as some major surprise. Our next door neighbors house was recently broken into and we had heard that a few neighbors on the street behind us and other neighbors down the block have had similar experiences. Two youth have teamed up to scout out the neighborhood, during the day while they probably should be in school. We luckily have great neighbors who have warned everyone about these incidents. One neighbor actually saw a kid riding in circles in front of our house and then, realizing he was about to break in, called the cops immediately. The cops rolled 7 squad cars deep and were there within 2 minutes of the call. The kids barely had a chance to steal anything, but did take the pocket watch I gave Ben as our wedding present and some piggy-bank change. They also threw a bunch of things around. We are very lucky and grateful.

A neighbor also alerted us to something that happened on our block: a drug bust. A BIG drug bust. As much as I love living in Oakland, when things like this happen... I always have to wonder if it's time to move. About a year ago, a young man was killed in his car about half a block down. A few months ago, we came home to a big DOJ truck in front of our house and, apparently, one of the rented units was a storage space for meth-making equipment.

worst toy of the year??

2009-02-03T13:42:00.001-08:00

I am dreading the day that Soluna writes up her Christmas Wish List and a Bradtz Doll makes the top 5. Will she ask for a party in theme with the newest Disney movie? Will she see a TV commercial for fast food and ask to go over and over and over again until I take her?

I stumbled across an online vote for the worst toy of the year at Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. Seems like an interesting organization.

My personal favorite worst toy:

What if your daughter wanted to dress like that??

working mama

2009-02-02T17:38:00.001-08:00

Since the beginning of December, I have been juggling two jobs, working over 40 hours a week from home, while taking care of Soluna almost full-time. To say the least, I am exhausted.

Last night, Ben decided to take Soluna to a Super Bowl party so she could hang with her cousin Cheo. I had a rare opportunity to just chat and do arts and crafts with some friends celebrating their birthdays. All was good and fun, until I headed home and Ben said Soluna was near a meltdown. By the time I got home she was fast asleep, but Ben still looked a little distraught. She had been crying inconsolably for at least half an hour.

She woke up screaming an hour later. On all other days I just climb into bed with her, breastfeed and she gets lulled back to sleep. Last night was the total opposite. She basically screamed with her face all red and reached out for her papi. While I am happy that she is connecting with him more, it made me a little sad. She was mad at me in the only way a baby can be mad. She leaned on her papi in comfort and stared at me, distant. Earlier, I wasn't there when she needed me. Eventually, he passed her to me and I snuggled in bed with her and breastfed. She fell asleep and lay peaceful in my arms.

I have been so busy lately. Even though I spend time with her we are running from place to place. It's time to relax a little more and plan a little better. Luckily, one of my part-time jobs is just seasonal and is over in about a week. I don't know how full-time mamas can do it. I can't imagine going back to full-time work at this point. I wonder when it'll feel right or if it will ever.

I can't give enough praise to the amazing mamas that work long hours to come home to care for their families and maintain such a strong bond with their children.

Soluna 5

2009-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I shared some of the great milestones Soluna has made. So here are the top 5 exciting things Soluna can do. Okay top 5 mama brags.

1. Soluna can say "abuela." Benji swears she has a great accent. She's been saying a whole lot of things lately like mama, papa, num-num (for drinking milk, she made that up herself), lala for lola (some people says she says lolo and abuelo too but I haven't heard it) aqua, etc.

2. Soluna repeats after me. We've been telling her to say things here and there. And, sometimes she repeats after us. She's said things that sound like umbrella, I love you, hippo... So fun! Gotta watch our potty mouth though.

3. Soluna can stand. Okay, she's been standing for a while now, but she does it with so much sense of accomplishment. When I say "hands up" she throws her hands up and looks around. Then she sits her booty back down.

4. Soluna can sip from a cup by herself. Yes, she can do a sippy cup. But she can also just take a little ikea plastic cup with water and drink it herself.

5. Soluna can feed herself. She's always been eating on her own, but lately she's been getting so much better with her utensils. It's awesome.

Family in Vallejo? -- Visit Children's Wonderland

2009-01-31T20:24:00.000-08:00

These sunny winter days are getting a little scary. I mean, I could have worn shorts and flip-flops to the park today. Soluna and I went to celebrate her cousin Erica's 2nd Birthday at Children's Wonderland in Vallejo. We have had family living in Vallejo for YEARS and had never even heard of this park. It is the perfect place for tots and Soluna loved it. There are different themed play areas: sand pit with dinosaurs, tea party slide, swing sets, traditional playground, train playground and firetruck area. Soluna personally loved the sand pit, she got to watch the older kids build forts to stop the running water. She jumped right in and was a dirty mess! But she was so happy.

Other things to know: free street parking. lots of picnic tables. $2 for admission but free for babies under 2. would be a great place to have a birthday party!
I forgot my camera, but my cousin said she would email me them. So pics to come!

Proof: Dirt don't hurt!

2009-01-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

(A picture from a few months ago of Soluna playing at the park with hella dirt on her face and clothes!)

I am not the kind of mama that keeps her baby clean with sanitizer, wet wipes and the constant taking away of things and experiences to avoid the grime. I put clean clothes on Soluna, wash her hands at transitional points during the day, give her a bath at least every other day and carry around a wipe for her nose or face whenever it's needed. But I will let her PLAY in dirt, in sand, on grass... practically anywhere. I let her pick up things, even when they might go in her mouth. I take things away once they are in there, but I want her to explore, be curious, and experiment. I think the constant taking away and fear of germs on mama's part can hinder that playful and smart baby spirit.

Apparently dirt does more for babies than mamas and papas think. There was a recent article in the New York Times entitled "Babies Know: A Little Dirt is Good for You." The article talks about how all instinctive behaviors have an evolutionary advantage built in. There is a "hygiene hypothesis" being studied by researchers that claims that organisms like bacteria, viruses and worms that enter the body along with dirt helps to develop a healthy immune system. Researchers are even going so far as saying that worms redirect an out of wack immune system that has allergies, asthma or an autoimmune disorder. The early exposure to dirt helps babies immune systems learn to react. In ultra-clean environments, babies immune systems don't have the opportunity to learn to react appropriately. Dirt for thought.

Chicken Pox parties?

2009-01-27T04:10:00.000-08:00

There was one thing I failed to mention about Soluna's 1 year appointment.

Don't call CPS on me, but when the Dr. told me to go straight to the 11th floor after our appointment to get Soluna the 4 scheduled vaccinations, I didn't do it. Instead we went downstairs, paid for parking, got into my car and headed home. I am not that hippie mama who decides her kid needs no vaccinations, but I got nervous and a little scared. Since Soluna was born, I felt this need to make things as natural as possible. In earlier blog posts I write about wanting to buy organic, choosing not to wear deodorant, and just saying "no" to formula. Vaccinations are just another unnatural thing that they tell us are good for our children, but just doesn't feel right to me.

Soluna is due for 4 vaccinations. Well it's 4 shots, 6 vaccinations: Mumps/Measles/Rubella, Hepatitis A, Flu and Chicken Pox. It's the last two that made me raise my eyebrows and sent me home to ask my husband what he thought about it first. We both had the flu plenty of times and know that we both had the chicken pox, but hardly even remember it. Why are we vaccinating ourselves for sicknesses that, for the most part, aren't so serious that generations of people just dealt with? Apparently, I am not the only one who questions this.

In a recent article in the New York Post explores the world of mamas who forgo some vaccinations and decide to have chicken pox parties to expose their kids to another sick kid. Kids fight off the chicken pox and gain good old-fashioned lifetime immunity.

What it boils down to is that, folks that trust "the system" are fine with vaccinations. They stay on schedule and don't think twice. But, when you come from a family and community that has often been screwed over by "the system" you start to question things and, often, aren't given good enough answers to ease your worries. Soluna has and will get vaccinations, because I know about some of the possible public health ramifications. But chicken pox and the flu? Are they really necessary?

How do you make muddy water clear?

2009-01-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

Today, I began my first session of a 5-week Beginning Meditation class entitled "Coming Into the Movement, Coming Home to Ourselves" at the East Bay Meditation Center in downtown Oakland.

The past year of motherhood has gone by so fast. I am lucky to get 5 minutes to myself to just sit and think or not think and breathe intentionally. I am always doing, or doing nothing. But all the time I am running so fast and it feels that my real self needs to catch up. There have been struggles emotionally and physically. And motherhood, although 10xs better than I thought it would be, is completely different than I expected. I did not anticipate that my life and perspective would be this way.

I believe in chance. And in all this struggle a few months ago a good friend moved up to the bay for just a few weeks and when we reconnected she told me about a people of color meditation night at the center. I went with her and although I wasn't able to go back it left me an impression of wanting or needing more. My life has something missing whether it is faith, practice or philosophy, I am not sure, but I am open to finding out what it is. I started getting emails from the EBMC and learned of this Beginning Class and felt I owed it to myself to carve in the time during my week to be open to new things.

After today's class, the woman next to me asked "So?" And I said, "I'm in the right place." She replied, "Yes, right time, right place."

How do you make muddy waters clear? ... Lately I have felt my life like muddy waters. Nothing dirty, just imagine a muddy tilapia pond in the Philippines.

To make muddy waters clear, you just let it sit. It is the stirring and movement that makes it muddy.

I have no expecations, but my intention is to take full advantage of this opportunity for myself and for my family. My intention is to let myself sit and seek clearer waters even if it's just for a moment.

he's not just a regular President...

2009-01-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

he's a cool President.

(Obama dancing at the Youth Ball.)

the stats are in... and they're not pretty

2009-01-20T02:37:00.000-08:00

The National Center for Health Statistics released a new report on January 7. Here are some facts highlighted in a New York Times article:

More babies were born in 2006 than in any year since 1961.

3 percent more Cesarean deliveries in 2006, a record high of 31.1 percent of all births.

Labor was induced in 22.5 percent of births, a slight increase over 2005 and double the rate of 1990.

The percentage of babies born at low weight rose to 8.3 percent, the highest in 40 years

This is ridiculous. Women's bodies were designed to give birth vaginally and in their own time. Although in a small percentage of cases Cesareans are necessary, for the most part they just 'cause unnecessary complications and pain for mama and are an outcome of a hospital system that is untrained to effectively help women give birth. And induction makes labor more painful, often slows down labor and leads to more medical interventions... This stuff makes me angry.

For more information on natural child birth, midwives and analysis of hospital labor/delivery practices here are a few resources:
Spiritual Midwifery -- a book by Ina May Gaskin, a well-known American midwife, with basic information for those interested in become a midwife and tons of "psychedelic" birth stories
The Business of Being Born -- a amazing documentary by Ricky Lake that is an introduction to the injustices of hospital labor/delivery practices and profiles a number of women choosing to give birth at home
Mothering Magazine -- a great magazine focused on natural family living with lots of articles and resources on pregnancy
Baby Catcher: Chronicles of A Modern Midwife -- a book of Peggy Vincent's experiences as a mid-wife in the Bay Area (a great read that helped relax me and Ben before giving birth to Soluna)

I believe that it is of great importance that women find the strength and courage to take control of the birth of their children and their birth as a mother, to not lay idle in this amazing rite of passage. Just this small act can transform our world. It all begins with babies.

got milk? .... what kind?

2009-01-19T00:59:00.000-08:00

Soluna is 1 years old and in many parents and pediatricians calendars, it's time for cow's milk! Living in the Berkeley/Oakland area and being connected to non-mainstream mama circles through yoga and ColorfulMamas, it's interesting what baby-raising norms get questioned, challenged, and deconstructed.

Ben and I were raised as milk drinkers. Benji still sits down almost every night with a glass of milk and cookies. I, on the other hand, love milk and cereal every morning. We often get through a gallon of milk a week (with just the two of us)! We grew up with our carton of milk or chocolate milk on our lunch tray and sexy got milk? mustache adds. Until becoming a mom I had never even thought for a second that milk was anything but healthy mojo. But here are a few facts to make you wonder:

Milk consumption is the #1 cause of iron-deficiency in infants today according to the American Association of pediatrics.

Almost 90 percent of African Americans and most Latinos, Asians and Southern Europeans don't have the genes necessary to digest lactose.

60% of ear infections in kids under 6 years of age are milk-induced.

There is a $450 million a year industry creating lactose intolerance products.

Researchers from Johns Hopkins University to Harvard University are starting to link consumption of milk to prostate cancer, asthma, osteoporosis, and other health complications.

The Bovine Growth Hormone used in the US increases the cow's likelyhood to have pus in its udders because the hormone leads to mastities, a udder infection.

Hmmm... makes you wonder. My question is: How much is the milk industry in this country is worth?

Some Suggested Readings
Don't Drink Your Milk, Frank Oski, M.D. and Chairman of Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University
"White Poison", Shanti Rangwani of Colorlines Magazine
Recommendation from Dr. Sear
"Why we should think Twice about Milk", from the Blog WAVE of the Future

The Colorlines Article is particularly interesting because it talks about how milk may be okay for white people, but has many side effects for people of color. Since those affected are people of color, mainstream media has yet to pick up on the idea that milk might not be for everyone. Hiro, are you really not lactose intolerant? ahahha...

Anyhow, I do believe in balance and I don't think it's time to pull the plug on milk in this household. We will just limit our intake as parents and share milk every once in a while with Soluna. Dr. Sears suggests to make sure that calcium and fats are in any baby's diet so we'll definitely be feeding her cheese, yogurt and breastmilk!

grow! grow! grow!

2009-01-18T01:24:00.000-08:00

Soluna had her one year appointment this week.

The stats: 19lbs 4oz, 28.5 inches long, 45.3cm around her head

Our doctor said she looked great, despite falling a little on the growth chart. He was not worried at all. For those non-parentals reading my blog, a growth chart is used to monitor the height, weight, and head circumference of your baby over time. It shows where your baby fits in compared to babies similar in age and gives you a percentile of how many babies weigh less, are shorter and have a smaller head then your baby. Another way that science tries to dictate what is normal...

There has been a lot of controversy over these charts since some say the actual charts were done in the 70s when the norm was to formula-fed babies and start solid foods way before the 6th month. Sometimes these charts are misused and LLLI has stories about how breastfeeding moms are pressured by doctors to supplement feedings with formula just because babies growth curve is falling. They lable this occurence as "failure to thrive" and fail to take into consideration other factors of why the babies curve may be a little different.

So Soluna is smaller than average in weight and height and average in terms of head size, no big deal. Breastfed babies usually weigh less than formula-fed babies, then catch up later as shown on this growth chart found on Kellymom.com and was created by the WHO:

Soluna would fit a little below the 50% for breastfed babies.

A UCDavis researcher suggests that this difference in weight has to do with how formula-fed babies retain more water and have a different composition in body fat.

We keep fielding comments like: "Oh! She's so tiny!" "She's a little thing, isn't she?" And in both Ben and my families, it always seems like fatter babies are seen as healthier. A few relatives keep giving her clothes that are sizes smaller than her actual age (which totally don't fit). With all the formula feeding trends in our world.. yea she is smaller but a totally happy, healthy, active and funny 1 year old!!

Just because I love advocating for breastfeeding here are 7 Ways Breastfed Babies Become Healthier Adults from Dr. Sears!

"What I want for you -- And every child in America"

2009-01-16T22:47:00.000-08:00

"I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you've had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much-although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential."

President-elect, Barack Obama, wrote an open letter in Parade Magazine to his daughters. It has been such a long time since I've had this kind of hope for America. And now I can share that hope for Soluna and all our children.

Our first family! Wow!

oaktown mama: gotta go to miyozen!

2009-01-15T20:35:00.000-08:00

(Picture stolen from Yelp. Uh oh.)

We actually wondered if it was Family Night at Miyozen. I was craving some sushi so we headed over to our neighborhood sushi joint at 1147 40th Street, Oakland. I've posted on Miyozen before and I just want to say it again. This place is baby-friendly! And, we should support them, because I am sick of going places without changing tables, without enough high chairs and that don't acknowledge you have a baby with you. Not only do they have a kids play area, but they now have a changing table in the women's restroom. The staff brings kids a kids cup of water with a straw, know to give the miso soup with a spoon and are always so friendly to Soluna. Tonight, there were like 10 tables of parents and their children ranging in age from newborn to around 8. For more info: Miyozen.

mama community

2009-01-14T15:14:00.000-08:00

ColorfulMamas had a Winter Holiday Dance Party this past Sunday. And it was NICE. Really. To be surrounded by families of color. To watch Soluna play and giggle and be so excited to be around other babies. We're looking forward to more events to come.

Thank you Mitzi for these great pictures!

This little boy was honestly hitting on Soluna! hehehe. He's 11 months, has a history of liking older women, and went in for a kiss. Check out his hand on Soluna's foot!

Broccoli even your baby will love!

2009-01-14T04:26:00.000-08:00

For New Years we headed down to San Diego to visit my Auntie Julie for a little stay-cation. She cooked dinner for us one night and Soluna loved her broccoli. This was a pleasant surprise considering Soluna has hated broccoli for the past few months. There was a time when she liked it, but that was short-lived. It's an easy recipe. So here goes:

Auntie Julie's Garlic Broccoli
olive oil
6 cloves of garlic (mashed)
broccoli with stems cut
water
salt and pepper (for taste)

Pour a small amount of olive oil into a pan and heat. When warm enough, saute the 6 cloves of garlic. Once lightly browned, add broccoli and add water so that broccoli is 1/2 submerged. Sprinkle salt and pepper, if desired. Cover pan and cook for 10-12 minutes until broccoli is desired consistently. Strain and serve!

Soluna turned 1!! ... like 4 weeks ago

2009-01-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

Nearly four weeks ago Soluna turned 1. She has been laughing more, cruising fearlessly and dancing to her own beat. We had a small family party, by our Mexipino definition of small (nearly 25 people packed into our small bungalow - immediate relatives and godparents only). In celebration and reflection of a year of motherhood and a year of life, I write.

I had no idea what I was getting into when my husband and I decided to take the "wait and see" approach to getting pregnant after being married for only 3 months. I had never held a newborn baby or changed a diaper. After giving birth on December 23, 2007 my life and mama perspective has changed as dramatically as Soluna has grown. As I hold my little one year old, some may already call her a toddler, in my arms and nurse, life feels so sweet even knowing that things will inevitebly get harder.

On her birthday we put a tray in front of her with different objects people brought to the party to represent a possible career she might enjoy in the future. In some Asian culture they believe babies already have a preference for what their future career or passion will be in life. There was dry-ice and test tubes from her Ninong Steven, crayons from her Ninos and Auntie Diana, a stethescope from her Lola, make-up from her Auntie Lisa, a scarf for dancing from her Abuela. We also included a financial calculator, flamenco shoes, a pen, a computer mouse, red paint. Soluna grabbed immediately for the paint. Folks wanted her to choose a second thing, but she really liked that paint. A future artist, maybe...

So many more memories to make with our little one. So many possibilities for the future.

More to come later. I've been busy with my two jobs!

Summer in January? - Visit South Beach Harbor playground.

2009-01-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

Soluna and I headed out to Ben's new worksite, the South Beach Harbor, to meet up for lunch. We did the walk from Embarcadero BART toward the ballpark. It was a BEAUTIFUL walk and long enough that this Ergo-wearing mama decided the stroller was needed. Thank goodness we brought it. (A good route for SF mamas to get some exercise.) You can check out the Ferry Building, a view of the Bay Bridge, city art sculptures, lots of restaurants to eat at and there are some displays with SF history along the path. There is a nice little surprise at the end, right before you get to AT&T Park... a cute little play area with a little climbing area, boat, sand and other things to crawl on, through and over. Soluna loved it. For more info: http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMFRZ, http://www.southbeachharbor.com/.

Oakland Rebellion

2009-01-08T19:01:00.001-08:00

Last night in our little Oakland bungalow on the edge of West Oakland and Emeryville, the choppers could be heard in the distance. Soluna slept, as my husband and I watched folks on TV take their energy, grief and anger to the streets in protest of the killing of another African American youth, a father, a friend, a son. Oscar Grant was killed by a BART police officer at 2AM New Years Day and there was enough video recording of it to make any one wonder why a shot was fired at all.

I, probably like many others who are old enough to remember, could not help but connect today's Oakland to memories of LA's rebellion of 1992 where folks took to the streets after police officers were acquitted for the senseless beating of Rodney King that had also been videotaped. That rebellion escalated as emotions ran high and displaced racial tension in the city erupted. Communities, particularly Korean American business owners, became victims of something difficult to explain. Luckily, Oaklanders did not go too far down that same road (although the vandalism had no specific targets and did not spare anyone in particular).

As a mama, an important question came to mind yet again: Is this the city I want to raise Soluna in?

Mind you, this question was not directly related to the images of youth and older folks burning garbage cans, cars, and yelling at police and city politicians. I ask this question because it's not just about violence it's about how this city fosters the anger of young people and people of color. The city fosters hopelessness and a distrust of police and government where Oakland residents feel the need to protest peacefully or not so peacefully. What I am really asking myself is:

Do we really want to live in a city where police can shoot a young man in the back while he is laying face down on the ground? Do we really want to live in a city where the city officials make no public statement to address this blatant injustice or even just to tell people an investigation will be taken seriously UNTIL violence erupts? Where is the leadership in this city?

For now, I will call this a rebellion and not a riot because the language in describing the situation must give people the benefit of the doubt. For now, I don't think of this group as just an unruly mob of people causing violence for no particular reason, which is how the media often frames it. One news channel actually said that many of the protesters were just people joining in looking to have a good time. (Some bloggers do suggest that the violence was started and escalated by anarchists and not necessarily the community of folks who have been deeply affected by this injustice. Although, others who I've talked to say it was mixed group.) For now however, I believe that these protesters were challenging authority and letting the city know that they have had enough. And, I wish folks could try to better understand that anger, because I think it comes with much more than the murder of Oscar Grant. But don't get me wrong, much of that violence and anger is displaced. I just saw a woman cry on the news about how her car was burned and she no longer has it to drive her kids to school and does not have the money to replace it. Over 100 small business owners have windows to fix. Who are these protestors really rebelling against and have they chosen the right targets?

Anyways, I digress, because this is much more complicated than one blog post could handle. There is so much more to write and to discuss. Maybe another day. Maybe every day, until Oakland becomes a better place and I don't have to second guess our decision to make Oakland home.

pac-girl!

2008-12-15T01:03:00.001-08:00

I wanted to share this recent picture of me and little Luna. We are ready for the Pacquiao vs. De La Hoya fight. Note: Check her little homemade pac-girl shirt made an hour earlier.

I didn't want her to feel conflicted as a little Mexipino so I chose her side for her. Luckily, it was the side of the CHAMP! I'm looking forward to collecting my winnings from my husband.

Was that really a fight?

Thanks for the pic Armael.

My Baby's Not for Show

2008-12-14T23:53:00.000-08:00

Soluna is a dancer. It started out with a few leg kicks anytime my dad put on Louie Armstrong's "A Kiss to Build a Dream On." Like I wrote earlier, since she was 2 months old Soluna has had mama separation anxiety. She cried and cried and cried when I wasn't there and my parents or Ben's parents would try a million things to get her to relax. But usually, she just cried herself to sleep... until my Dad found a secret weapon: his MP3 player. When he played it for the first time, he thought she was having spasms, because she quieted down immediately and started kicking her legs.

For Mother's Day I asked for an iPod with speakers so that she could use it. And let me tell you... she LOVES music now. Anytime she hears a song she likes she is rocking, shaking her shoulder, throwing her hands in the air and every few days she has a new move thrown into the mix. It is the most beautiful sight to see and makes anyone around put a big smile on their face and usually gets them dancing too.

But there is one thing that we do not want to do as parents (even though we are tempted to now and then so others can smile to). We do NOT want to be those parents that are constantly asking, encouraging, pleading with their kids to perform in front of others. I think that's a recipe for disaster, for passions lost over parents needs to show-off. Usually that's way later, but I bet those kinds of things start when children are just babies. There is something so innocent and beautiful about her dancing that I want to protect it. I don't want to be that parent asking her to "Dance. Dance. Dance." when there is no music on just to show her off or make her into the baby-puppet.

My hope is that Soluna continues to love music and dancing. I hope that she has fun doing it because she loves how it feels and not because we ask her to or because she has made it a priority to impress or entertain other people. I do hope there are opportunities for folks to see her love of dancing, but I'm not going to push her out there for show. You better play some music and start dancing yourself first!

Filipino Arroz Caldo for the family and the baby!

2008-12-14T17:30:00.000-08:00

Feeding Soluna food that is healthy and makes her do the yummy-dance while saying "Mmmmmm ... Mmmmm ... Mmmmm" has been one of my greatest challenges as a new mama. The past few months there has been one recipe that has almost always led to the aforementioned positive feedback from our little 11.5 month old. I'd like to share it with y'all because f'real... where can you find ethnic recipes for babies online?!?

Aya's Arroz Caldo Recipe for the Family and the Baby
3 tablespoons of olive oil
2 tablespoons of garlic
2 1-inch slices of ginger
1 diced onion
1.5 cups of uncooked white rice (although you can experiment with brown rice)
10 cups of water
3 lbs of chicken (I prefer breast or drumstick, but you can choose what you want)
Patis or Filipino fish sauce
black pepper
1 chopped green onion
For extra veggies in babies food:
brocolli, carrots, cauliflower - I use a bag of veggies from Trader Joe's
water

Arroz Caldo directions:
In a large pot heat the olive oil. Lightly brown the garlic. Then add in the ginger and onion. Saute until the onion is translucent. Add the rice and saute for a few minutes. Add the water and bring to boil. Reduce the temperature and then add the chicken. Cook for 30 minutes. Add a small amount of patis for taste and a dash of black pepper. *** Set-aside what is for your baby! *** After the set-aside, you may want to add the rest of the patis and much more black pepper until you feel it tastes "right." Serve immediately and garnish bowl with green onion.

Baby's Arroz Caldo directions:
In a very small pot put a few pieces of brocolli, carrots, and cauliflower in about an inch of water. Cover the pot and cook for 10 minutes. When you are done cooking, mash up all the veggies or slice into small pieces depending on the texture your baby is eating at the time. Add as much of this mix into your Arroz Caldo set-aside as you want! Pull apart pieces of the chicken and add to the Arroz Caldo.

There you have it! YUM! Veggies, rice and chicken!

why kids? why now?

2008-11-23T10:24:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me a few months back if we could have a discussion on "Why kids? Why now?" He's a fresh youth organizer here in Oakland in a long-term co-habitative relationship, almost 30, and is kind of feeling out this topic.

At the time, it was shortly after Soluna was born and all my mama emotions were on high. I told him the truth. At the time we decided to take a "wait and see"-attitude about pregnancy, we just felt that it could be the right time, that we could be ready to be parents. We were not trying to not be parents. We did very little research. We had no long, drawn out conversations. It just felt right. We left it to fate. And in three months, we were pregnant.

Since my friend asked me this question I've thought about "Why kids? Why now?" a ton. For the most part my friends are nowhere near having kids. And in the past months, I have thought for a minute... Am I missing out on something? Are my parents right and "have kids, and your life is over!"?

Holding Soluna, listening to her giggle and laugh, I know that all these questions seem simple and easy to me in retrospect of actually having a baby.

WHY KIDS? They bring you joy. They make you learn and grow.

WHY NOW? Why not? There will always be advantages and disadvantages of having kids at different ages. When it feels right.. go for it and make it work.

AM I MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING? Probably something, but folks not having kids are missing something too.

IS LIFE OVER? Hell no. That's old school thinking. So much more of life is ahead.

Of course, none of these questions can be answered so easily without having your baby in your arms. Having a baby is always a leap of faith. There is no universal formula for when you should have a baby, why you should have a baby, how much you should be making, how educated you should be, what kind of relationship you should be in... that would be too easy.

At mama/baby yoga classes and at mainstream mama/baby spots in Berkeley and Oakland, I am usually one of the "young" mamas. YES in some communities a 28 year old - almost 29 year old - woman is a young mama. In Ben's family, I seem to be the older first-time mama. It's all good. It's all different.

Now seemed just right for. I've lived enough to know how to take care of myself and live alone, how to handle my finances and pay my bills. I've lived enough to not yearn for time away, time to lose control, time to be selfish. I've travelled alone and with friends, had my mini-adventures and took a lot of pictures to remember. I have gone out all night dancing, drinking, listening to good music... And when it comes down to it I don't feel like I need to escape motherhood. I am more interested in experiencing things with Soluna, taking her to community events, to the mall, to listen to music, to play at the park. And that brings me joy and new adventures.

Once it happens, there is no going back to ponder such questions with regret. Maybe my response is sprinkled with that optimism, but it's my reality and truth as a mama.

Soluna is 11 months old!

What strikes me after re-reading my post is that I have skipped over some much needed critique about some mainstream ideas about when is the right time to have kids. I'll be getting to that later.

the great pretender!

2008-11-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Now that little Ms. Soluna is over 18lbs and 10 months old, she has even more tricks up her sleeve.

1. The Incredible Hulk: The past few weeks Soluna has been doing this thing where she tenses up, squints her eyes and clenches her fists. It's kinda her angry powerful look and she does it whenever anybody does the look to her. It's so cute and weird. We love it.

2. *Cough*Cough*: Soluna has been fighting off a few little colds here and there. Once she had a little cough. And everytime she coughs I look at her immediately with a look of concern and I think she noticed. So every once in awhile now, she fakes a little cough and smiles at me.

3. Sharing is Caring: So why not share? Soluna has been feeding herself for a while, but now she is into feeding others too.

4. Bah-bye: With a wave she sometimes says "Bah-bye!"

My little one is growing up! She is scooting everwhere, pulling herself up to standing, almost cruising, dancing to music, laughing during hide-and-go-seek, playing with her cousins... changes changes. time flies.

YES! I am still voting YES ON MEASURE OO

2008-10-25T01:33:00.000-07:00

If you checked out my last post on Measure OO, I got a reply and didn't notice it until now. So I figure I should expand on my stance of Measure OO and reply specifically to dooblgirl's comments that perpetuate some myths about OFCY funding an the Measure. (I hope you read this.)

1. First off, OFCY's after school programs in Oakland aren't always run by 20-something year olds. The ones that I site and know work are run by older folks (although I think age doesn't matter). They just LOOK young, which makes other people immediately biased and ageist. And, although some staff actually have 20-somethings running some of the programming, these are often the people that can connect with youth in a meaningful way and have the energy to keep up with them. They are key to successful youth programs. (Sure, not all programs are ideal, but OFCY has a review process and, if done correctly, can improve programs. And, schools, teachers, students and parents have a responsibility to give feedback to these programs if they are not working.)

2. Yes, there will be cuts and City Council will be responsible for making these cuts. We can't assume what they will be specifically so these signs that you see out there about Voting NO on Measure OO to stop cuts to Parks and Recreation and the Library are misleading. I think the City Council needs to do even some more housecleaning and figure out creative ways of making cuts and leverging more money. And as a sidenote: The Bookmobile and adult literacy programs still have funding even after last week's budget cuts.

What it comes down to is that I believe an investment in youth now at 2.5% of the budget, can, in the longterm, reduce expenses in other areas of the city. For once, can we vote for a larger vision for the city?? We need to invest in programs for teenagers and young twenty-somethings that are facing the worst of the violence in Oakland...And, with the state of OUSD we need programs to help all children and youth. Can we be proactive in creating opportunities for young people?

As an Oakland mama, I have to urge folks to vote Yes on Measure OO. I want the best for youth in Oakland. I hope to live in a city that makes youth a priority.

mama praxis

2008-10-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Having been an ethnic studies student and immersed in some community organizing, I have always been surrounded by folks trying to get out of the Matrix. Good intentioned people, deconstructing the world, questioning capitalism/imperialism/neo-colonialism/colonialism/etc., trying to live their lives in congruency with their politics and values.

This goes along with Paulo Freire or bell hooks' idea of praxis. Praxis in its most simple sense is "action and reflection upon the world in order to change it." In essence folks are, for the most part, committed to thinking/challenging the world around them and living a life that aligns with the world they want to see.

What amazes me, and what we've talked about in my doula class, is how that praxis and reflection often gets lost when (some, not all) mama activists decide to have their babies. No longer do they question the system, the hospitals, the medications they choose to give birth with. Instead, they (we) handover something precious, their (our) voice and vision of how their (our) baby should come into the world. I think that there is a disconnect that needs bridging, especially for mamas of color.

Some statistics on birth:

• Childbirth accounts for one fifth of all health care expenditures in the U.S.

• More than one out of every five babies (22%) is born by cesarean section. This number has not decreased substantially in 10 years, despite the benchmark of 15% set by the Centers for Disease Control in 1990.

• Well over half of all American births involve some kind of surgical or operative procedurecesarean section, episiotomy, vacuum extraction, or forceps.

• Between 1989 and 1997 the use of drugs to start labor (induce) or increase the strength or frequency of contractions (augment) doubled. Induction of labor is associated with an increase in cesarean sections.

• As a matter of course, almost all women under obstetrical care are required to fast during labor, although the data suggest that this practice is unnecessary and can actually make laboring and birth more difficult.

• The average prenatal appointment with an obstetrician lasts less than 10 minutes. With a home-birth midwife, the average prenatal appointment lasts 45-60 minutes.

• In 1999, midwives attended approximately 320,000 births (8% of all births) in hospitals, out-of-hospital birth centers, and private residences.

* Statistics from the movie Born in the USA.

Learning. Growing. Healing.

Lotus Bloom, free fun in Oak-town

2008-10-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Soluna and I had never been to Bushrod Park on 59th Street in Oakland. We had heard about Lotus Bloom from a Colorful Mamas friend and, since she said it was neat AND free, we decided to check it out.

Lotus Bloom is a non-profit organization that works out of four different community centers in Oakland and provides FREE play time Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday for babies (under 5) and their parents/caregivers. So we showed up. They signed us up. Soluna & I had a snack, crawled around, played with water toys, laughed at little kids, listened to story time, sang a few songs.

There were little kids with mohawks, unmatching kids (THE BEST!), grandmas and grandpas using their imagination, breastfeeding toddlers, mamas of color, babies giggling for no particular reason... It was cool, although Soluna was the youngest. We're looking forward to going back and checking out other little ones. Nice to know that there is another FREE resource for mamas trying to cut their expesnses during hard times.

new looks... old skool skills

2008-10-10T12:02:00.001-07:00

Faithful readers. I hope you like my new banner. I forget that I still have some graphic design skills in my pocket that I should pull out and dust-off every once in a while. More changes to come... I'm hoping to get my own domain and contemplating moving to a different blog server.

Like I don't have enough other things to do.

"Mmmmm... Mmmmmm... bad"

2008-10-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

In looking for more baby food options, I learned that tofu was a great source of protein and very nutritious for babies! I was delighted the past few weeks feeding Soluna tofu. It's SO easy! She LOVES it. She feeds it to herself while saying "Mmmmm...Mmmm...MMmmm". Then, my trusted pre-natal/post-natal yoga intructor sent out this link: The Evidence Against Soy.

Research suggests that the risks associated with tofu outweigh the benefits. Tofu can lead to thyroid problems, cancer, premature puberty/developmental problems, cancer, brain damage, reproductive disorders kidney stones, weakened immune systems, food allergies... And while it seems like EVERYTHING is dangerous for us at this point, tofu seems just too risky for my little Soluna. The research might be right!

pay for play? first reactions to Studio Grow

2008-10-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

My car is finally up and running. I took advantage of this because I don't know how long it will last! ... Soluna and I headed to Studio Grow in Berkeley yesterday!

In the past few weeks I decided I am going to start a business or at least get serious about the possibility... I'm thinking of doing some kind of mama/baby business (although Ben keeps insisting beer needs to be involved in some way). Soluna and I are doing our research and hitting up important spots of interest.

Studio Grow is kind of a baby/toddler play club. It's not a sports club, a play club. There are rooms for crawling babies, pretend-play, art, dance, sport-like equipment, a parent lounge, a dining room, etc. Each room offers something unique and stimulating for parents and babies. They also have daily activities like story-time, music and parachute play.

It's an interesting concept. Parents actually pay for themselves ($7/day) and for the baby ($7/day if older than 1 years old) to spend time here. PAY FOR PLAY! There are also monthly memberships. Three major reflection questions came to mind after our visit:

1. What happened to organic community formation? I mean, some of the draw for places like these is that you can go here and meet other moms and their babies. Are people not meeting folks at the grocery store or the playground anymore and inviting folks over to their home?

2. When and who decided it was fine to pay for this kind of stuff?? I am not familiar with this community of mamas who pay for this kind of stuff. I had never HEARD of places like this from family or friends. You have to be a pretty economically advantaged mama to justify the cost of this AND have the time to go here.

3. Where are my mamas of color at?? I don't think I saw one mama of color there, until I looked in the dancing room mirror. Maybe they were at work? Or maybe they have found other spaces.

With all that said. Studio Grow isn't a bad concept. I gotta be real... Soluna had fun here. She played with two other 9 month old babies, crawled all over the place, giggled at the staff and just enjoyed herself. She learned from watching. I don't know if I would consistently pay $7 or $14 for something like this, but I imagine that on some rainy gloomy days on the horizon, we may splurge a little and enjoy.

let her cry?

2008-10-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

After all this truth talk...

My suegra does this really annoying thing. She takes Soluna at every family party and usually gets her as far away from me as possible. I think her goal is to get her out of earshot of me, because when I hear her crying, I can't help but go to get her. I listen to Soluna and when she is unhappy, I don't ignore her because she doesn't have words and this is how she communicates. What do you teach babies when you ignore their cries??

Anyhow, Soluna CRIES and CRIES with my suegra. In the past, it was a piercing scream. I would definitely take her back. Why would I allow her to scream like that when she really just wants her mom or dad?

There have been two times when I feel like my suegra was blatantly disrespectful and rude to me or Ben:
There was one baptism at the park where it was kind of windy out. She had Soluna in a blanket and was walking her around (as Soluna cried, although I didn't know it at the time). She brought her somewhat close to me and I saw Soluna crying so I got up. And my suegra basically shot me this grandma look (her nose kinda goes up and it's one look that says you-don't-know-what-you're-doing and i-know-better at the same time) and stormed off with Soluna. I told Ben, not wanting to get in it with her. Eventually Soluna had a meltdown because she was being ignored and not with her mom or dad. My suegra gave her back to us and yelled at us (in front of a bunch of people) about how Soluna was cold and that was why she was crying. Soluna ended up crying inconsolably for over 10 minutes. We both knew it was because she had ignored her cries and insisted that she could take care of her and MAKE her comfortable with her.

The second time was when we were at my sister-in-law's house. Ben was holding Soluna and my mother-in-law carried her and, eventually, carried her away (like downstairs to another apartment where her mom and dad live). She didn't even tell us she was bringing her down there. I don't know how long Soluna was with her because I didn't even know Ben had lost sight of her. He eventually went down there looking and Soluna was crying and crying. His mom told him to just let her cry and gave him that look again. Of course, Benji grabbed her and brought her upstairs.

I think her logic is that we are enabling Soluna to cry like that and we're basicaly LETTING Soluna have a preference for us. She thinks we should ignore her so she can be okay with anyone. This, to me, is totally absurd. I want her to be comfortable with her grandparents, but I am not going to force her to be comfortable. Comfort will come with time, patience and love. I think that when babies cries are ignored they learn that their thoughts, preferences and feelings don't matter. To me, that's worse then having a baby that isn't comfortable with everyone!

Anyhow, I think my suegra is totally missing the mark. I am realizing that Soluna is getting better around lots of people... the people who give her back to me once she's uncomfortable. Instead Soluna is learning that her abeula is the woman who ignores her cries and takes her far away from her mom and dad. While Soluna has become more chill and comfortable with lots of other people, she is still very uncomfortable with my mother-in-law. But that's just my mama observation.

Anyhow, I feel awful right now. Because I'm trying to compromise a little bit and if Soluna is just a little uncomfortable I try to ignore her a bit when she is with her suegra. When I tried to take Soluna back when she was crying today, my suegra turned her arms and was basically like "no"... It can be really tiring to do this and I just feel awful at the end of the day. I mean, to let Soluna cry for no reason so that my suegra is happy?? Anyways, I think we need to finally have a "talk"... the one that I've been asking Ben to initiate for months.

write the truth ... speak the truth

2008-10-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

I had initially created my blog for myself. Then I sent the link to my closest friends (and left it in un-chartered internet space). It had been a place for me to share, often vent, all the crazy things that had been happening and all the raw emotions I had been feeling after giving birth. It was healing space. And it was personal. It is interesting what you can put up for the whole world to see (if they can find it), but you wouldn’t want your mom to read… or anyone else very close to you. Sometimes my blog has to do with family members, usually grandparents. Because, grandparents can play an interesting role as they begin to “claim” their grandchildren and your wishes become less of a priority or a non-priority and their ideas of how children should be raised come into play.

A few weeks after getting my blog started, maybe even days after I started my blog, Ben asked if it would be okay to add my blog to his email signature. Ben's reason for sharing my blog was that he liked my writing and thought it should be shared for other mamas. Without thinking it through, I agreed. Shorty after, I added my blog to my Gmail chat away message. I didn’t realize the ramifications of such actions. And then my readership expanded. I know, because I pasted in a Google Analytics counter that can tell me how many people look at my page and where they come from. Then I realized my readership included my sister-in-laws, some old co-workers, some random mamas that I met after Soluna was born… and my writing started to change. I started to be careful about my words, about who I was talking about, about where I was going with things. And my blog stopped being as raw, as healing or as needed for me.

Anyhow, all this pre-writing ... I am challenging myself, regardless of who is reading, to write the raw truth and to move forward as a mama because of how I truly feel. This isn't just truth for truth's sake. I have been passive-agressive about some things as a mama and it's about time that I come out and say things (beyond just this blog) so that this blog isn't just to vent, but to do and to heal. Me, a mama learning as she goes...

Yes on Measure OO

2008-09-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, the City of Oakland is in a financial crisis. Yes, Oakland elected officials have mismanaged the city and the budget. Yes, the City is in the hole about... hmmm... $42.8 MILLION DOLLARS!!

But I am still voting YES ON MEASURE OO. In the most simplest sense, Measure OO would increase the amount of money going into the Oakland Fund for Children and Youth that funds a diverse range of youth programs in the city.

Let me tell you why...

1. CITIZENS SHOULD BE HEARD IN CITY BUDGET MAKING!! There is very little opportunity for citizens to give meaningful input during the budget process or in any city matters. A certain gadfly goes on and on during public comment about the city not properly following the Sunshine Ordinace and Brown Act making City Council and city staff roll their eyes. But there is some truth to his rants. The city's boards and commissions, the vehicles of public input, are poorly organized and have little impact on city matters. So years and years have gone by where we have had to trust the leadership of the City Council and Mayor. (Many years where I feel the City Council has not managed funds well.) The City's Measure process is the only mechanism for voters to tell the city what the priorities should be! AND, youth should definitely be a priority.

2. IT'S COMING FROM THE PEOPLE/ORGANIZATIONS I TRUST!! This initiative is being backed by people that have been doing meaningful work with youth in this town and are seeing results! ...To name a few: AYPAL, Kids First!, Youth Together, Oakland Leaf.. As someone who spent the last three years running a youth program in the Town, I know that these are the folks who are getting things done. So, why not trust the experts and listen to their suggestions on how to be proactive about the problems we face in the city??

3. YOUTH IN OAKLAND NEED THIS! Why not give youth more opportunities to do something positive before they have a chance to do something negative?

This is my choice as a mama in Oakland. Vote YES ON MEASURE OO and let City Council know that they have to make youth a priority AND find a way to make this work fiscally.

oaktown mama: berkeley high school pool tot swim classes

2008-09-21T21:19:00.001-07:00

You know you're from Oakland if you jump on all the cool resources Berkeley has for their residents. (F'real. I remember about 1/4 of the Oakland youth in my program were trying to transfer to Berkeley High School.)

On Friday, when I was supposed to be getting some work done, I planned for Benji and Soluna to attend the Parent and Tot Classes at the Berkeley High School pool. I ended up sticking around, watching and wishing I had brought my bathing suit. But, I bet we'll be back to the pool pretty soon.

More info can be found by clicking here.

oaktown mama: baby friendly in our hood

2008-09-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Since my little '96 Honda Civic has been sick for the past few weeks, I've been (for the second time since Soluna was born) totally bound by public transportation and how far my feet can take me carrying Soluna in her Ergo. In my little neighborhood, that has no name but is right where West Oakland meets North Oakland and Emeryville, I have been out to restaurants and, let me tell ya, this is a baby-friendly hood (well, at least some restaurants.) Families, move on in! I don't think being baby-friendly is just about having changing tables and play spaces. There are some folks that naturally welcome babies and others that completely avoid eye contact. Soluna would probably choose a friendly waiter over an available high-chair any day. Here are the top places in my area:

Bakesale Betty: (5098 Telegraph Ave, Oakland) Enjoy the yummy chicken sandwiches, ginger snap cookies and strawberry shortcake on the ironing board tables outside with your little one. Staff is always smiley, offering free cookies and talking to Soluna. The owner has a litle one that's a little older than Soluna so they are use to having little ones around.

Tumble and Tea: (4120 Telegraph Ave, Oakland) Obviously a good choice for babies as mentioned in a previous post. I wouldn't say their staff is friendly to Soluna or other babies for that matter, but it's a great place to eat and chill out while your baby socializes and is excited to see little ones her size. Wireless internet and changing tables available!

Cafe Dejena: (3939 MLK, Oakland) Free wireless internet, pretty good food and very baby-friendly staff. I like their spaghetti, although they warn you that it takes them about 30 minutes to cook. No changing table though.

Manzanita Restaurant: (4001 Linden Ave., Oakland) Macrobiotic vegan food as I mentioned in a previous post. It tastes yummy and is good for a breastfeeding mama. And I don't have to think twice about offering the food on my plate to Soluna. Baby-friendly staff.

Miyozen: (1147 40th Street, Oakland) Can't beat Miyozen. They have a kids play area, pretty good sushi and a staff that seems to be use to having babies around. One employee likes to show me pictures of his little girl who is a few months younger than Soluna. No changing table, but I used the futon in the play area. The waiters also know to place the hot stuff away from Soluna's interested hands.

Lolas say the darndest things!

2008-09-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

Alright two posts in a row with my mom in it! I can't help it. The other day I was sitting with my Mom while breastfeeding Soluna. I mentioned how Soluna actually bit me for the first time (yes, she has 5 teeth now!). She kinda dozed off while breastfeeding and her teeth kinda closed down on my breast. I was quick to get her off and she stayed asleep.

My mom then says, "Just wait, if you breastfeed until she's 2 she's going to bite your nipple off!"

I smiled and laughed. I was like, "Mom! That doesn't happen!"

She didn't smile or even seem the least bit relenting on the fact that she was making this up. So I asked her, "WHO? Whose nipple got bitten off?"

She says, "People! Really! It happens."

So I ask again, "Who? Tell me."

She mumbles something about, "People in the Philippines..." and "... just wait, you'll see. You'll see what happens if you breastfeed for that long."

End conversation.

So tonight we went out to dinner with the whole family and I can't help but mention it. My sister, who is a family practice doctor, laughed hysterically. My mom continues to insist and says something like, "Fine! Breastfeed until she's 5! You'll see! We'll check your nipples then."

Damn. And it's funny, but it's also not so funny. I don't know where she's coming from... why she's discouraging me from breastfeeding. (Which in subtle ways, she's been doing since the first few weeks Soluna was born.) I mean, does she really believe she's looking out for the well-being of my nipples?? According to her some of my aunts and other women in the Philippines breastfed their babies until they were 4 or 5. They seem fine, although I haven't done a nipple inspection...

blessed.

2008-09-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

Soluna waited until the day after her baptism to start making bigger moves. I like to think that she had to be blessed before feeling ready to move onto the next major world-altering stage. Who could blame her? She's been getting into everything and after picking her up and seeing a bunch of hair, dust and unidentifiable particles on her butt, I realized I need to be better about keeping our wood floors clean.

I am starting to relax so much more as a mama, but not completely. I talked about how I'm not a germ-a-phobe and now I easing up on my original food plans. I am still not a "whatever goes" kinda person and I do hope Soluna and the whole family eats healthier. But, I am more willing to experiment with food options for her hoping that she gets some more Filipino and Mexican food tastes before she turns one. But still a big "no" to junk food and fried food.

It kind of annoyed me though that while I was holding her, her Abuelo felt the need to quickly shove sweets in her mouth so we had no chance to protest. And, I might not have minded so much, but the grandparents feel like they have to "sneak" things to her like she's being deprived.

My mom is constantly frowning at Soluna as I feed her vegetables and says "eeewww... yucky." And, even though Soluna is usually pretty happy eating avocados, my mom insists that she doesn't like it and that I should mix it with milk AND SUGAR. What the heck? When I didn't want to give her fries, she was like, "THAT'S WHAT YOU ATE AS A KID. McDonads and french fries and sweets."... I WAS A FAT KID WHO TOOK LIKE 11 MINUTES TO RUN THE MILE!!! I hope they weren't feeding me McDonald's before I turned 1... I kinda hope Soluna has a healthier start than I did. Seriously, I had hella cup-o-noodles, fried chicken, fried fish, and chicken nugget happy meals.

We also returned 3 boxes of bottles a few weeks ago. Soluna skipped the bottle stage. She's been drinking water from a cup or glass since she was about 6 months or maybe even before then. After I would drink something she would just make a gesture to have me put the glass to her mouth. We've had some spills, but she's pretty good at it.

So besides crawling, eating and drinking... she is also starting to clap more, use her hands so much better, say "mama", "dada" and "papa,"...

Changes... changes...

100% Pinay - 100% Chicana

2008-09-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to get Soluna a little shirt that says this.

Colorful Families

2008-09-14T23:17:00.001-07:00

Being one of the first of my friends and my cousins to have a baby has been such a struggle. I've been searching for community and friends with babies who have like interests and politics to connect to on some new level. The ColorfulMamas, listserv/mama's group, has been great. We finally had a Colorful Families BBQ today.

It was a beautiful day with lots of babies, mamas and partners. It was inspiring to talk to mamas who feel like normal 3 months post-partum (it took me way longer to feel normal), who have jumped back to work and are loving it, who are in school getting their JD and hoping to get pregnant again pretty soon, who have made a conscious choice to stay home and take care of their babe as long as possible, etc. They are teachers, writers, administrators, pediatricians, non-profit professionals, organizers. These are women of color, grounded in community and family with an analysis of race, class, gender, etc., who I have a lot to learn from.

It's also nice that Soluna is around a lot of other hapa kids. Everyone seems to be a mix of ethnicities: Mexican/Vietnamese, Mexican/Puerto Rican/African, Corean/French-Algerian, Chinese/Filipino...

Soluna spent the time hanging with her pre-walking homies, Jair and Chencho. She is also very interested in dirt. I was impressed by some of the babies eating skills & their mama menus. I'm going to try to feed Soluna some more stuff. I'm looking forward to many more Colorful get-togethers.

We had our picnic at Roberts Park in Oakland. And I am definitely heading back with the family. There is a great kids playground AND pool.

Germs, Germs, Germs

2008-09-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

My mama hormones have calmed down a bit (the hormones that put me in ultra-protective mode 24/7). It happened really gradually and I've learned that I am very far from being a germ-a-phobe. Initially, I felt like Benji and I were washing our hands like 20 times a day. Seriously, we both had rough, dry hands for a few weeks. Now, we truly believe in the 5 second rule... or maybe the 10-30 second rule?? And, I let her put a lot of "interesting" things in her mouth...

So anyways, I finally decided to take Soluna to Tumble and Tea. I had heard that T&T makes your babies sick! A mama friend had said her son had gotten a cold every time they went there. So I had avoided the place even though it is walking distance from my home and, since we don't have nice parks in the area, probably the best bet for baby entertainment.

We had a great time. She played with a few babies her age and was inspired by their advanced mobility. Yeah, she put some toys in her mouth that have probably been in other kids mouths, but that's what babies do! Yes, little babies came up to her with drool hanging out of her mouth. The toys were not pristine. Most of them were pretty battered, but I really don't care and, of course, Soluna didn't notice. Some of the older kids were a little rough, but she didn't get hurt and I wasn't worried. She's sturdy!

I figure our bodies were made to fight germs. Germs can actually be good for you and will help build up your immunity. We've been back to Tumble and Tea 3 times and Soluna has not gotten sick. And, even if she was to get sick, she would be fine and a little bit stronger after the cold subsided.

F'real? Shopping cart covers??

Some excerpts of ads selling these kinda things:

This colorful shopping cart cover for babies and toddlers fits most shopping carts and covers the entire seating area (sides, back, handlebars and front) to offer maximum protection against disease-causing bacteria.

Why? Its padded construction protects against icky, sticky germs on shopping carts, while providing a plush place for your little one to sit!

This shopping cart phenomenon and overprotective parenting is deconstructed in a book I read A Nation of Wimps. I don't completely buy everything in that book, but some of it is pretty dead on.

off topic: "You can't eat your dollar!"

2008-09-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

I saw this as an e-mail signature from one of the ColorfulMamas:

After the last tree has been cut down,
And the last river is poisoned,
When the last fish has been caught;
Only then will you find that Money cannot be eaten.
-- Cree Indian philosophy

It made me remember my great-grandparents or, at least, a story my mom always tells me about their life as immigrants in the Mission. Money was always tight and my grandma Bridgette was so excited to see big ripe mangoes at a nearby market, but she didn't buy any. She was surprised that they were $1 each. At the time, and even now, it seemed like a lot of money. But my grandpa Ed told her something like... "You can't eat your dollar!"

This is a conversation that my Mom overheard and retells to us. I guess I've never been stingy or cheap with buying good food. I don't spend a lot on clothes, fancy tech stuff or anything else. But food, food is important. And it so absurd to be trading paper for goods. Money is so weird.

I think the philosophy above says even more about money and food.. About the people, maybe even us, depleting resources faster than we can replenish them. Hoping for more and more dollars, without thought. But what will those dollars do when all resources in the world have been spent?

Archived!

2008-09-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

As parents, you always gotta save some "interesting" pictures of your kids growing up to be taken out when they bring over their future SigO. This is one of those pictures:

beautiful windy day

2008-08-31T05:08:00.000-07:00

Soluna was baptized yesterday and although I should be totally exhausted and asleep, I woke up two hours ago and have not been able to go back to sleep. So many thoughts are running through my mind. It was a beautiful baptism. I love Father Jason from St. Columba Church. He is a smiley, funny guy who makes everyone feel welcome. I thought it was nice that folks were actually able to speak and talk about the gifts they want to give Soluna: a love of family, confidence in herself, a curiosity for the world, ambition, perseverance, a connection to community, spirituality, passion and compassion. All the things I want for her, I didn't need to say anything. Ben held her as she was being blessed by water. I couldn't squat in my dress to hold her myself. =( But she didn't cry and I got a perfect view of everything. I told myself at that moment to hold that memory, that picture, forever. I almost cried.

Following the ceremony, we had a big party at the park. Dude, I suck at throwing parties. I feel like I am running around with my head chopped off. I think I just feel like I have 100 things to do and maybe it's partly just perception, but it keeps me going and going and going. I realized that after being at the park for, I think, about 4-5 hours I had only eaten 3 tacos and drank 2 small cups of pineapple juice. I drank no water and although there was hella food I just had 3 tacos.

Poor little Soluna was being passed around and around. This is really hard for me and her. Sometimes she is perfectly chill and I am happy to get a break. (Thanks Diana and Lali for dancing with her and pushing her around in the car until she had to share). Other times she just does NOT want to be held by other folks and everyone is trying to grab at her (today it was mostly my aunties). Mamas just KNOW when their babies have had enough. But there was constant pressure to pass her off and sometimes I just let folks know that I needed to change her, feed her, take a picture with her, etc. But other times they were like "give her to me" every 5-30 minutes and I am left to come up with an excuse or if I do give in then, usually, within 5-10 minutes the wind would carry her cries to my ear and I have to grab her back. Sometimes, I'd hear comments here and there about "Why is she crying?" "She doesn't like other people?" "It's going to be hard if she just likes you." ... Dude, she's had a long day and it's windy out.

I don't know where people began to think that it would be the norm for babies to be passed around happily and giggling from person to person. If any adult had to be passed around and stimulated over and over by different people, they would probably cry too. Babies aren't dolls! And, Soluna has her own opinions about things and she'll voice her opinion until she gets what she wants! And, I don't think I should feel bad that she wants her mama. (Anyhow, I digress.)

We came home and, since we didn't take any leftovers, I had to order food from Can't Fail. I asked for a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a shake and nearly stuffed it all down in 10 minutes. And, while I was waiting for Ben to pick up the food I had a HUGE mango and drank the equivalent of 3 bottles of water.

Benji and I did our plus/delta evaluation of the day and I now know why a pizza parlor baptism/birthday seems like a great choice for parents. I am definitely convinced that we are going to have a nice, intimate gathering for Soluna's first birthday. And by intimate, I mean no more than 50 people. Hahaha.

Overall, it was a nice day. I was gratful for all the help from Soluna's new nina, nino, ninang and ninong! And also grateful for all our families have done to help us out. We are very blessed. And Soluna's new life has begun with great blessings and hope for the future.

On this day our little Soluna joins the ocean of life...

2008-08-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

Let the water remind us of the waves she may
encounter or create.

Help us to prepare her for the ebb and flow of
life's ever-changing seas.

Teach her to decide when it is wise to float with
the current or swim against the tide.

And lead her to that deep pool of faith, hope, and
love within her own heart.

** A poem from: Baby Blessings

ask a mexican

2008-08-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Benji and I went to go see the writer of "Ask a Mexican" in Berkeley last year when I was super pregnant. This is one of his newest columns in the OC Weekly. I wanted to share.

Why do Mexican parents insist on wrapping their newborn babies in a dozen cobijas in 90-degree heat?
El Chamuco

Dear Demon: Everything is wrapped for Mexicans. Our tamales. Our food inside a tortilla. Ourselves around someone else as we prepare for a cramped trunk ride across the border. Babies get the burrito treatment to protect them from the elements, to transform into a shape better-suited for lugging around, and to ensure the proper crisp their skin needs to achieve that wonderful Mexican mocha-brown.

You can laugh or get mad... whatever you like. We haven't been the best about remembering Soluna's blanket, especially in the summertime. As Benji commented, this may account for her fair skin. heh.

decolonize our breasts: breastmilk vs. formula in the Philippines

2008-08-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

For my doula class I have to write a final paper on a topic that interests me: "extended" breastfeeding. I'm already trying to figure out a new term for breastfeeding beyond the age of one because the term extended breatfeeding makes people think that you're going beyond a norm when I think it should be the norm.

Part of my research is to look into breastfeeding practices in the Philippines and I found some interesting statistics on the UNICEF website:

* Out of almost 7 million children (below 5 years old), 87% were ever breastfed. This figure however includes infants whose breastfeeding may have lasted for only one hour, one day, or one week only.

* In fact, nearly 3.4 million children (49%) were given liquid or food other than breastmilk within three days after being born.

* For children below 3 years old at the time of the survey, barely 6% were exclusively breastfed. Bottlefeeding was common for almost half of these children.

* Although 80% of children started breastfeeding within 1 day of birth, 54% were also given any liquid other than breast milk.

* Exclusive breastfeeding lasts only for an average of 24 days.

This is totally different from my original assumptions. I actually thought that breastfeeding WAS the norm in the Philippines and became less common for women who immigrated to the United States.

There has been an ongoing campaign in the Philippines to make breastfeeding more popular. In 2006 the City of Manila, Children for Breastfeeding (an organization that promotes family support for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers) and the Department of Health, with support from UNICEF organized an event where almost 4,000 mothers in the Philippines set a new world record for simultaneous breast-feeding.

Beyond the promotional event, there has also been organizing done to limit the advertisements of formula companies. Nestle, Mead Johnson, Abbot and other milk powder companies spend nearly US$90 million per year in the Philippines on advertising and end up with a sales revenue of around US$470 million. While the Philippines has a National Milk Code that limits the advertisement, promotion or marketing for breast milk substitutes intended particularly in medical offices and by health practicioners, formula companies have been working to challenge the code in court and many health offices are out of compliance. (Yes, one more reason to boycott Nestle!)

Check out this documentary "Formula for Disaster" about how misinformation of breastfeeding and agressive advertising has led to a decline in breastfeding, health problems for babies and an unneeded economic burden for families in the Philippines.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

All I gotta say is: F*ck Capitalism. Decolonize your boobies and give babies milk! I need to figure out a new FilsGlobe Chant for breastmilk. Any thoughts?

Seriously though, breastfeeding gives babies the healthiest start in life. Why give in to the cultural or marketing pressure to give them less AND pay for it??!

dear blog,

2008-08-26T00:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't written because I've been picking-up the pace. I've juggled work, school, home-life and community stuff since I was in college. Tried to keep my calendar full. Moved from one spot to the other every year. But, after having Soluna I knew I needed to slow down. To take a breath. To find myself again, and define myself. And after the rest, I came to a point where what I really needed was movement and activity to figure things out, to heal, to shape who I am as a mama.

So now, I'm ... taking care of Soluna, in a mamas group (sometimes 2), visiting family, working part-time, learning to cook better, cleaning up more around the house (decluttering), re-connecting with friends, studying to be a doula and planning for Soluna's baptism. On the periphery, I'm wondering about my next steps, my next career moves, my next educational moves, and my attempts to re-connect with community (who is my community now?). It seems like just the right time to make some major moves. I mean, I already took the big one: quit my cushy city job.

Soluna has been making moves of her own. She is an expert sitter, scooting unexpectedly in every direction, but not quite intentionally. I am anxious for her to full out crawl and reminding myself that babies do things at their own pace. She is SO there: on her hands and knees, lunging forward, but not quite moving. We've coaxed her with food, toys, and cheers. She'll probably do it when we're not looking. She has also learned, from cousin Cheo, the art of squealing. Nice. And she has become a clapper, and on some occasions a waver. I can't forget to mention that she has one chomper in sight, her top front right tooth.

Is the year going by fast or slow? I can't tell.

Peace.

Mama Aya

little mama

2008-08-07T00:49:00.000-07:00

I just had to share these pictures of my little Soluna! She has been super giggly this week.

i have a new husband!!

2008-08-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

become a doula?

2008-08-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

For the past three months I've been taking a weekend doula class. I've talked very very very little about it to anyone other than my husband. I'm not sure why. So now I'm going to officially speak on it, blog-style, because I need to start talking to y'all about this so that I can figure out if it's right for me.

A few months ago, I was in a space where I felt the urgency to re-adjust my career path. While I value the work that I was doing developing the leadership and civic engagement skills of Oakland youth, Soluna's birth really brought to light the need to find my real life purpose. I was also hoping to have a little more employment flexibility so that I could take care of her myself. At the time, I was thinking about going back to grad school to possibly become a nurse-midwife or get an MBA (with hopes of doing work in socially-responsible businesses or to start a business). Okay, totally different choices, but that's where I was at. I felt my life could go in either direction.

After reconnecting with an old UC Davis friend (after not hearing from her for over a year, I just felt like I HAD to call her), I learned that she was studying to be a midwife. I didn't even know that she was in that line of work and apparently she was a doula for several years before beginning the midwife apprenticeship. I told her about my interest and she highly recommended the doula class I am currently taking that is specifically for women of color. I felt like I had to at least try it out, believing that things always happen for a reason and there was a reason why I needed to connect with her.

For those that don't know, doulas are experienced labor companions that provide the woman and her partner emotional and phsical support throught the entire labor, delivery and postpartum experience. Doula is a Greek word meaning "woman caregiver."

The class has been such an amazing, humbling and emotional experience. I have never been surrounded by such beautiful, strong, grounded and spiritual mamas/women. And while I am still deciding whether or not this is the direction I want to go in, I know that this class was necessary for my growth as a person. I have begun to ask myself the most important questions: Who am I as a mama? What am I doing to make the world a better place? What do I believe in in terms of religion and spirituality? How do I ground myself emotionally and spiritually? How do I heal myself as a mother and woman? What would I rather do than support women through this beautiful rite of passage? What is more important than helping mamas give their babies a right start in life?

Too Posh to Push?

2008-08-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

When Soluna, Benji and I went to a wedding a few weeks ago we ran into an old friend from college. One of her first questions was: "Did you have a c-section?"

I was like, "No, but that's a strange question. Why do you ask?"

She went on to tell us that most of her friends in San Jose have ended up with c-sections or actually planned to have c-sections so that they could have a tummy tuck at the same time. It's called a C-tuck!

So after watching "The Business of Being Born" and seeing a small segment of Hollywood stars pictures infering that they had planned c-sections I had to look up more information on how these women chose to bring their babies into the world. And, I found out that the following women planned their c-sections:

Angelina Jolie
Victoria Beckham
Madonna
Kelly Ripa
Claudia Schiffer
Kate Hudson
Britney Spears

Can you imagine?!? No longer is birth a rite of passage, birth is an operation tied to plastic surgery!

teething for real!!

2008-07-30T22:21:00.001-07:00

Alright, I'm sleepy. We've been thinking that Soluna has been teething since she was like 2 months old. But now I think it's really happening. We see her swolen, whitish gums. She's constantly biting her hands or trying to put things in her mouth. She's been fussy. She woke up hella times last night. She has a slight fever. She just seems like she's in pain. My toothless baby will soon smile with a new pearly white or two.

brown hippie mama confession #4: i believe in breastfeeding toddlers

2008-07-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

(Painting Credit: "Dependent Man" by Samantha Weber. www.samanthaweber.com)

This has been on my mind a lot lately. Most of my family and my husband's family breastfed their babies for less than a year. Most of my mama friends breastfed for a year to a year and a half. Only a handful of my friends breastfed until their babies were 2 years old or even longer.

Here and there I have heard little snips from family that leads me to believe that if a walking, talking Soluna jumps in my lap and I pull up my shirt to give her a snack, I will, mostly likely, raise a few eyebrows, hear a few snickers and, possibly, get a gasp or two.

But now that Soluna is 7 months old, I wonder what we'll do when the time comes. I love our breastfeeding relationship. For the most part, it calms me and her down, gives us time to rest during the day and I enjoy the time I have comforting her. It's not all roses of course and sometimes I wish I had more time in the day to do other things, but I chose to be a mother and want to give her the best start in life that I can possibly give her. It's only in the Americas where extended nursing is rare. Worldwide, children, on average, are breastfed until the age of 4.

Now what are the benefits of breastfeeding after a year?
Breastmilk is still liquid gold for toddlers. It enrichens a toddler's diet by providing protein, fat, energy, vitamins and minerals and passes even more of the mother's immunities. Research shows that toddlers that breastfeed get sick less often and for shorter time periods. And, beyond these kind of nutrition and health reasons, breastfeeding toddlers get comfort and security from breastfeeding. Ultimately, they are well nurtured and their emotional needs are met so that they can be more independent children and adults. (This country is always pushing for independence, which I think is so important for children and young adults. But, why do we push our babies into independence so early?) ... And some research even claims that the longer babies breastfeed the smarter they are! (From Sears & Sear's The Breastfeeding Book and Kellymom.com)

And, the "experts" agree ... (copied from kellymom.com)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child... Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother... There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (AAP 2005)

A US Surgeon General has stated that it is a lucky baby who continues to nurse until age two. (Novello 1990)

The World Health Organization emphasizes the importance of nursing up to two years of age or beyond (WHO 1992, WHO 2002).

So as Soluna and I grow together, if we continue to breastfeed, I'm going to have to divert criticism and stand my ground. And hopefully, at the least, Soluna will someday learn that it's important to do what you believe is right and meanigful regardless of the attitudes of those around you and the discomfort they might have in your choices... Isn't that how we want to live our lives?

and then they were born...

2008-07-23T02:51:00.000-07:00

So I am blogging on the corner of the bed as little Soluna and big Ben are fast asleep. I was woken up by some sly mosquito, but now I can't get back to sleep and I keep thinking about the three new babies of friends and family that have just been born or are in the process of coming into the world today.

My heart is worried for little Amado who I know is having a tough time at this moment and I send all my mama "open" vibes and prayers to help him make his way into the world.

Yesterday, we went to visit little Enrique, Soluna's new cousin, who was born last night by c-section at California Pacific Hospital in San Francisco. (This hospital was once Children's Hospital and is where I was born almost 29 years ago during a scheduled c-section.) His 9 lb+ chubby booty and cheeks were giving his mama a bit of trouble.

And I just read an email from our Salinas friends that their little Pachacutec who decided Monday that it was time, 8 weeks early. His name means "He who changes the world." Beautiful.

Many blessings and prayers for the little baby boys who say "hello" to the world for the first time. I know they are already making their waves.

It feels like I'll be around mamas and babies for a long time.

the business of being born

2008-07-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

If you're pregnant or ever even thinking of having a baby in a US hospital I suggest you watch "The Business of Being Born." This past weekend, I watched it with my doula class (more about my doula class later) and then again with Benji. We, in the past few months since Soluna's birth, are now convinced that our next baby will be born at home with a midwife.

Our country has forgotten the most basic question as asked in the movie: "What are the basic needs of women in labor?" Ricki Lake does an amazing job of exploring this question further while weaving in the real birth stories of mothers who choose to birth at home, the science and research supporting home birth and the history of birth in this country.

While Benji and I went into the hospital with every intention of having a natural, drug-free childbirth, the hospital and people there are not ready to support such decisions. (As evidenced by people coming into the room exclaiming, "Oh my god! You didn't have an epidural! You're so calm.") While Soluna was born drug-free, the hospital still had to intervene. I now know, in my heart, that my body had the capacity and strength to birth Soluna without any interventions if I had been given the support I needed. (We needed a doula!) Next time we'll know better.

More about Soluna's birth story in future posts, mama still needs some healing before she can tell it all.

my little baby is growing up!

2008-07-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

Part of why I started this blog was to document some of the amazing changes in Soluna during her first few months. In between my rants and raves, I don't always have the space to just share and appreciate my beautiful little baby... To catch us up, here are her top 5 newest accomplishments (She's very advanced. hehe):

#1: SOLUNA CAN SIT! At around 6 months, Soluna started sitting up on her own. Prior to that, we probably didn't sit her up enough for her to get the chance to do this. Because once we started to do this more often she perfected sitting up in a weekends time.

#2: SOLUNA CAN TALK! She has been cooing for quite some time, probably as early as 2 months or so. She would throw in a consonant now and then, but it was only until earlier this month when she really really really started babbling. Prior to this I noticed she started moving her lips in a talking fashion... and then it just clicked... "Dahabaladaklahe!" ... "Mahdalakah!" Awesome! I swear, I thought I heard her say "Mama!" She's starting to talk non-stop!

#3: SOLUNA CAN FEED HERSELF! Alright, Soluna grabs the spoons while I am feeding her and feeds herself! She's very "skilled" at eating. I wonder who she gets this from.

#4: SOLUNA CAN LUNGE AND SCOOT: She's almost mobile! Check out her blog to see her actually scoot on her booty. But now, she's also lunging forward while sitting to grab things and lands on her belly. She kicks her legs, but no official crawl yet... almost.

#5: SOLUNA IS SMILEY! We were starting to worry but the past month or two Soluna is smiling and laughing more and more. I think she was waiting for mama and papi to up their comic routines.

IPotty and other gadgets

2008-07-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

Now that I've been a blogger for... a WHOLE month, I've been scouring news sources on articles to discuss. ((TOTAL BLOGGER NERD.))

I found this article, "So young, and so gadgeted" with the picture above in the New York Times. Sigh. In 5 years, 10 years, 20 years... What tech gadgets will Soluna be into? She's already into my laptop and cell phone.

soluna needs to learn to read...

2008-07-17T00:20:00.000-07:00

An article came out in the Oakland Tribune today, "A third of Oakland students drop out, data shows." GREAT! Just GREAT!

A few weeks ago, I looked up our area's elementary school. I found out that the school has an API score of 1. No, 1 is not the high score. 1 is the lowest score of 10. When compared to schools with similar demographics, it scored a 3. Bleh. You can find your area school's API score by clicking here.

Now don't think I believe that API scores are a fair or comprehensive way of evaluating the success of a school. I mean the scores are strictly based on student testing and we all know how biased these tests can be. But I do feel that these scores are an indicator of SOMETHING. And, having the lowest Statewide API score is not a good thing.

Soluna needs to learn to read... and then, hopefully, go to college.

I don't want to be one of those parents that have to invest hours and hours and hours of work lobbying to get their kids into the right public school (or investing $$ for private school). I mean, in Oakland, folks sign-up for preschool while their baby is still the size of a contact lense. I don't even want to play that game. But a 1 in 3 chance of dropping out?? Can we, in good conscience, stay here in Oakland and send Soluna to public schools?

In speaking with a good friend who is also a staff member for a local politician about our school dilema, she said, "Well if you start organizing NOW and get involved NOW by the time Soluna starts kindergarten she might have something better!" Soluna is nearly 7 months old! Good God!

We got 5 years to figure this shit out, let the countdown begin.

off-topic: I've lost that baseball fever

2008-07-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

Alright after reading my husband's latest post The Wonderful Power of Baseball, I feel like I have to respond or at least share... how I, the-biggest-baseball-nerd-of-the-world's wife, have lost that baseball fever. (Okay, I'm a little off-topic on my usual mama-ology rants, but bare with me. This just needed to be written.)

OKAY, I USE TO LOVE BASEBALL. And, despite all my husband's efforts to devalue my childhood love of the game by saying I jumped on the A's bandwagon when they were hot, as a kid I would come home every day and turn on the A's game. My Tatang looked like Rickey Henderson. My sister had a flourescent green Jose Canseco t-shirt. We would copy the bash brothers and bump forearms after every home run. I knew all the players. I memorized statistics and collected baseball cards. I even have an autographed Dave Stewart card. I LOVED baseball, especially the Oakland A's.

But man, every season I lose my husband to the game. My love for baseball emerged at a time when I had NOTHING BETTER TO DO, BUT WATCH BASEBALL. As a kid, I had to choose between playing, reading books or watching baseball. And as a kid, baseball is beautiful and is wonderul as my husband mentioned. I got caught up with the side-stories, the nicknames, the thrill of winning.

Now, baseball games are long and often uneventful. There is no clock, as the hubby reminds. So it could go on and on and on... like last night for the All Star game where once again the American League won... but after 15 innings. Baseball teams play way more games per year then any other sport so hours and hours and hours can be spent following each game. So no, when life becomes more complicated, I could choose to do other things. But, because of my husband's love of the game it seems like about 60-70% of my time spent with him there is a game on TV or on the radio that takes up 99% of his attention. Now, I don't need his attention all the time, but when I am mid-sentence explaining my day and he shouts "What the F$@*!"... I have to wait until he cools down after the latest misplay of the Giants, which happens very often, and continue my story.

Amidst the A-Rod & Madonna stories, past the steroids scandals, knowing that these men are making more per year than I will probably make in a lifetime... I have lost my interest in the game. The game is no longer about heroes or triumph stories... for that you could read the paper, or a book, or watch a meaningful movie. Alright... I'm a hater... but someone change my opinion...

brown hippie mama confession #3

2008-07-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

Benji says I better not be a tease and actually write some of these brown hippie mama confessions.

In case you missed the first two confessions:
#1: I actually like macrobiotic vegan food and I'd like to see my food and Soluna's food in its original form before eating.

#2: I shop at Berkeley Bowl to get organic produce!

So here goes #3: I've given up on regular deodorants.

There's something about the strong smells of regular deodorants that leads me to believe that all those chemicals aren't supposed to be applied to porous areas of your skin where they can seep into body. I just did a google search and there were a bunch of articles on this including this one. So maybe it's not just me.

But since I knew I would be breastfeeding, I phased out using regular deodorant during my pregnancy. I just didn't feel like rubbing those chemicals onto a part of my body so close to my breasts and close to where my baby eats. I've looked for more natural remedies or organic brands. None of these work. So, I try to shower and bathe more often, but I smell funky sometimes. And, I feel like I sweat more post-partum... *sigh* sacrifices of motherhood.

Now I've never found any articles about deodorant and its link to breast milk, so maybe I'm making this up... but it seems logical to me. If you know of any studies please send them my way.

separation anxiety... diverted, for now.

2008-07-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to write in my blog about this earlier but I wanted to share an email I sent to my ColorfulMamas group a few months back:

Hi mamas,

I posted a few months ago about Soluna's separation
anxiety at 2 and a half months. I thought it was a
phase. I pushed back going back to work to be with
her and tested the waters every once in a while to
see if she could stay with my husband or parents for
an hour or two or three. My husband has a great
relationship with her and my parents have been coming
to visit at least once a week since she was born.

Now that she is 5 months, it's still the same. When
I leave her, she is okay for a little while, but then
she cries and cries and cries. It's the kind of cry
where she is gasping for her breath, her face is red
and she has huge tears streaming down her face. She is
loud and the cry seems to scare my parents. She usually
cries herself to sleep in the arms of whoever is caring
for her and whimpers in her sleep. She usually refuses
the bottle. It breaks my heart.

I will be going back to work part-time in about a month.
Any suggestions on how to make this easier on both of us?
Any one with similar experiences?

Aya

Whether it was from Colorful Mamas or from friends, I got all kinds of great advice and/or just words of support about this. Mamas told me their tricks on getting a picky breastfeeder onto the bottle. I heard from mamas who had the exact same problems and how they just had to move forward and deal with it. Mamas shared how they spoke to their babies about how things were going to happen, why they had to go to work and when they would go back and swore that babies somehow understood. Papas told me about how you gotta just let it go. Mamas told me to really appreciate this time since it's just a short phase and before you know it your baby will be jumping out of your arms to play. Parents always say attachment is a good thing.

We made the transition slowly. I encouraged Benji to spend more time with Soluna. I did start trying to explain to her what was happening. I think she's starting to get it. She got more comfortable with Benji weeks ago and...

when I came home on Monday, my parents were smiling & Soluna was smiling and eating peaches. They were having a great time. AND she did her little "happy dance" when she saw me. She kicks her legs a few times and reaches out for me while smiling big! I love it. I'm sure we'll have more days of anxiety in the coming months, but Monday was a really good day. I started part-time work two weeks ago and Soluna has been staying with my parents, my inlaws or my husband. It's usually for a few hours at a time. She has had less and less anxiety and fewer tears.

I better knock on wood and hope that this continues.

happy birthday, love!

2008-07-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

As a mama of color, I know we don't always give due props to our partners in life, especially if our partners are men. In figuring out who we are as women, how we want to live in this world and how we want to raise our children, we are left with lots of high... high... high expectations of our men. This can lead to lots of frustration and very little appreciation. I mean, patriarchy doesn't get dismantled overnight, it's a process for everyone. Men don't have the same motherly instincts. And, we just gotta relax a little.

So I want to wish my love, Benji, a very beautiful and happy birthday (on the eve of his day). Thank you for stepping it up these past 6 and a half months and taking this amazing journey with me and our little Soluna. Thank you for striving to be a better papi and partna.

Thank you for...
... rubbing my feet whenever I ask because they are tired from walking or rocking.
... buying me ice-cream, no questions asked.
... dancing with me, even when I say I don't want to.
... cracking jokes, even when I don't feel like laughing and you think you're talking to yourself.
... making Soluna smile bigger and bigger and laugh louder and louder each day.
... the nights when I just couldn't breastfeed any longer, couldn't stay up a minute more and you rocked her and rocked her and held her close without any questions.
... working full-time so that I have the opportunity to stay home more with Soluna.
... believing in me on those days when I don't.
... being unbeliveable supportive throughout my entire labor.
... saying that you wish you had boobs so you can breastfeed Soluna when I'm tired.
... always choosing us, never giving up on us and reminding me that we have no other options but each other.
... encouraging me to continue to have big dreams and actually believing that they are going to happen.
... encouraging all the fads that I bring into my life.
... relaxing into fatherhood and reminding me that I need to do the same.

I love you. Happy 30th Birthday!! ... jajaja... Okay, just kidding... Happy 29th Birthday! To many more years of birthdays, laughter and joy.

I am so lucky.

"Is she sleeping through the night?"

2008-07-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

New mamas and papas will always get this question again and again and again: "Is she sleeping through the night?" After reading several baby books, I have learned that sleeping through the night actually means sleeping 5 or more hours straight.

Yes, Soluna sleeps through some nights. Other nights, not so much.

And then comes the biggest sleep training debate: Should you let your baby cry it out? -- For the non-baby savvy, crying it out is leaving your baby in her crib or bassinet awake so that she can self-soothe to sleep. This usually means your baby will cry until she is so tired she will fall asleep and, hopefully, eventually learn how to fall asleep crying less often or not at all. There are versions of the crying out method where you go into the room to check on your baby at different intervals and soothe her for a certain amount of time and then leave again.

Alright, maybe I am a (overly) sensitive mama, but the thought of this breaks my heart. Could I ever leave Soluna crying?? ... NO!

So we have been happily rocking her/brestfeeding her/putting her in the sling to sleep now for ... her entire life. I say happily, but I know that there have been nights we have struggled, when an overly stimulated Soluna has cried and cried in our arms until falling asleep hours later or when she just tossed and turned in bed pulling my nipple with her as she fought off sleep.

I tried some methods from The No Cry Sleep Solution, another book that seems to be recommended by all kinds of mothers. This book is kind of a balance between "attachment parenting" and "crying it out." It offers a way to sleep train babies without mama or baby (or even daddy) tears. Soluna was sleeping at around 9 or 10PM and then waking up around 2-3 times at night and then starting her day at around 7 or 8AM. We thought she might need a little more sleep so we tried some suggestions in the book when Soluna was about 4 and a half months.

The book said that babies are usually ready to sleep at around 6:30-7PM. So we started a night time routine to wind Soluna down which consisted of washing her with a washcloth, changing her diaper, changing her into PJs, and reading her a book. Supposedly this will eventually help cue her for bedtime. I would still have to breastfeed her to sleep and/or my husband would put her into a sling and rock her to sleep. We tried this for over a week and it messed with Soluna's previous sleeping schedule. She was waking up more times at night and was ready to play by 6AM. Which was not fun for mama or papi!

So we asked ourselves one important question: Were things really that bad?

And the answer was... No. We co-sleep, so I didn't really mind waking up as long as I could just roll over, she could eat and we could fall asleep snuggling. I actually liked it. So then, why was it so important for us to get her to sleep earlier? So for now, we're putting sleep training on hold.

Mama Note: I want to say that I am not hating on other choices parents make on how to put their baby to sleep. Parenting is about survival and you do what you need to do to remain sane. These are the decisions we are making as we go.. things might be different in 2 more months, when she is 1 years old or even next week.

our j.w. homies...

2008-07-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

So Soluna and I have some Jehovah's Witness friends that come by each week. They are these two sweet, older African American women who caught me at home with Soluna several months ago. They started by coming by every few weeks and now it seems like they come by every week. I don't have the heart to tell them to not bother especially since all they do is ask if we can read a bible verse together and talk about it briefly. I am a practicing Catholic and it has taken me a long time to say that about my religion. I figure, nothing bad can happen from chatting civily to two strangers about the bible. Maybe people should be talking about religion and spirituality more often, especially if you know your beliefs might not match up. And, they seem harmless.

They have totally been peaking my interest lately and probably not in any way they want too. I guess Jehovah's Witnesses believe that something really bad is going to happen to the world soon. They haven't gone into specifics, but they think that things are going to get worse in the world and this darkness will lead to some sort of world-wide transformation and then people will be able to sow their own land, own their own home, be healed from sickness, etc. Now, I LOVE end of the world stories whether in a movie or book. So I am actually excited to hear how this will go down and I am secretly hoping that it has some kind of Octavia Butler flair to it.

And this relates to mama-ology... mostly because religion and spirituality have been creeping into my life in so many different ways since I've been a mother... whether it's a reminder from a friend in email, the new people that have come into my life who have been more outwardly spiritual, or in preparation for Soluna's baptism.

And every day I ask myself: What is it that I really want for little Soluna? What are my hopes for her?... And the most important hope is that she loves and believes in herself and at the same time loves and believes in something greater than herself whether it be family, community or religion/spirituality. All other hopes and dreams are situational.

on a more practical food note...

2008-07-03T00:22:00.001-07:00

Today I made my first batches of baby food. I had practically been preparing Soluna's food at each meal. This meant, she ended up eating a lot of avocados. Avocados, I think, are the easiest baby food because all you gotta do is wait until it's ripe, cut it open, scoop the goods out, mash/stir and serve. Avocados are especailly good for healthy baby brain development and my sister says that her Brazilian friends say that it's perfect for fattening babies up!

So anyways, I finally got Soluna's baby food cups in the mail. I made a run to Berkeley Bowl (another hippie mama thing to do) and started making batches of pear and sweet potato baby food. I mean seperately, not together. It was hella easy.

I just steamed the pears (20 minutes) and sweet potatoes (40 minutes). Peeled and cut them up. Popped them into the blender. Pureed them until they were the right consistency. The sweet potatoes needed a little bit of water. And... Tada! Homemade, Super Baby Food. I scooped out the puree into the food cups I bought and popped them into the fridge.

We kept one of the pear cups out for Soluna to try.. not her favorite! I think this might be her first food rejection. But, we're going to try it again in a few days.

gerber vs. homemade baby food

2008-07-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

So last weekend as I was mashing avocados at a diner while eating breakfast with my in-laws, my suegra asked why we weren't feeding Soluna Gerber baby food. She said it was made especially for babies. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. Unfortunately, "No habla Espanol!" ... I know, I suck. I really wish that I hadn't made the horrible decision to learn German in high school. Now, I am at a conversational disadvantage. I am reliant on Benji's translations that often come way after the conversation is over, sometimes in the car on the way home, or don't happen at all if he doesn't feel like it or doesn't want me to know what the heck is going on.

In response to the Gerber question, that I was pretty ready to answer, Benji must have mumbled something about how it was cheaper to make homemade food. Which is true, but only part of the reason why we have chosen to make our own food. Okay, not to bust out my Super Baby Food book again, but fresh homemade baby foods will always have fresh ingredients, will not contain extra salt or preservatives and is more food and less water. I found more information on this topic right here.

The other night I dragged Benji to Manzanita Restaurant, which is literally around the corner from our home. It's a macrobiotic vegan spot and I REALLY love it. I forgot how good a plain steamed sweet carrot tasted or how mung beans can be so rich in flavor. We have become so out of touch from the simple pleasures of simple foods. It is so nice and refreshing to have a plate full of food that hasn't been overly spiced or overly processed. My point is... Why can't it be natural to eat less food from boxes and jars? Shouldn't we all be eating more "whole foods" and wouldn't it be nice to see real fruits and vegetables more often? Especially for our littlest ones, isn't it better to go more natural. I think this is how it should be for me and for Soluna... and Benji, if he wants.

Lifestyle changes. God help me, I'm becoming a brown hippie! (More about my hippie-ness later. I have some mama confessions.)

GERBER

VS.
HOMEMADE

okay, neither looks appetizing... but you gotta taste for yourself!

mama rage part II

2008-07-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

Benji protests loudly when reading previous post: How was he supposed to know that the purple sling was in our dark bedroom?

Baby wakes up. Starts Crying.

sleepy mama rage

2008-07-01T23:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, I have always gone crazy on folks who have woken me up while I'm asleep. That's just who I am. But when you're a mama, no matter how loco you want to get on someone, it's your job, your joy to get up to take care of baby. Now after 6 months of truncated sleep, even though things are relatively "hella better" then the first few weeks when it seemed like we were waking up every hour or less, I think this sleep schedule is playing with my emotions and my body.

After taking care of a somewhat fussy Soluna by myself for 12 hours, as soon as Benji got home I was ready to pass her off. I tried to breastfeed her to sleep and she wanted to play with daddy so he took her into the living room while I was ready for a much needed nap. And I woke up to her whining in the other room. It hadn't even been an hour. I was ready to bite Ben's head off. RAGE MamaAya, watch out!

He swore up and down that she had just started whining, that he had just changed her diaper and she started, but I woke up with the feeling that he had let her whine the entire time I was asleep and I had gotten no rest. I, in my sleeping state, always want to just grab her and put her to my boob so she can doze off. But this didn't work, especially since I spent the time multi-tasking: shooting Benji the "I'm fucking pissed off that I didn't get any sleep and you couldn't take care of the baby for 30 minutes"-look while Soluna drank at my breast, poor thing (Benji and Soluna). I eventually asked him to take her back and he drove her to Can't Fail to pick us up some dinner. When he got home, he put her in the sling (that he didn't want to find during her 30 minutes of whining) and she was asleep. I ended up getting at least an hour and a half of sleep. Now I feel as "refreshed" as ever, if that means anything anymore. Sigh.