Soluna's Mood this Month

molars. stuffy nose. cough. fever.

Uprooted! Families of Color and the Housing Crisis

Check out my post on the collaborative ColorfulMamas Blog!

ending hunger... one boobie at a time..

Salma Hayek is awesome! Mamas/Babies sharing milk! What a beautiful thing. I read a blog entry about this a few months back that talks about the culture of sharing milk from ElementalMom.

Would you breatfeed another mama's baby? Would you share your milk?

14 Kids? Do you really think you can judge??

"What would possess a family where's there's a husband and wife to want 12 kids or 18 kids? That's just what they feel is meaningful to them. Their family. Expanding a family. It's an amazing thing. I do believe that children are all blessings from god. And I feel it's all positive, it's positive experience. You know, I don't like to dwell on any of the negative. And - a lot of people do." - Nadya Suleman

When the story broke that a woman in Southern California gave birth to octuplets I was amazed. I couldn't imagine carrying 2 little babies in my belly, let alone 8. I was tired enough with just little 6lb 13oz Soluna sucking my nutrients and energy for 9 months. When the media started to dig a little deeper they learned that Nadya Suleman already had 6 children, that she was a single mother, a woman of color and had no steady income. She was using student loans, disability and food stamps to provide for her little ones. The world shook its head, sounded a few "tsk"s and started to wag its finger at her. How dare she? ... right!?

I reserved judgement and sat on this story for a few weeks before blogging more. But after watching last night's interview on NBC, I am so mad and it's not at mama. Now don't think I full-heartedly advocate for people to make the choices she has made. I'm not sure about her mental stability. I don't believe in in vitro fertilization where more than 3 embryos are placed in a mamas womb and, if they all take, can lead to an unsafe number of babies and the recommendation to abort a few children (or as they say "selectively reduce"). And, I think in our pop-culture right now, babies are "in" and mamas are jumpin' on the fad without second thought. Brangelina are doing it, why not you?

But her choices are her choices and the universe has a way of finding balance and teaching lessons for all those to hear. What really gets me mad are the questions raised by Ann Curry, another woman of color, and what it tells about our society's assumptions about being a good mother.

A few of the Questions:
"People are not trying to judge you... What they're trying to do is, it seems, trying to speak up for your children, who can't speak up for themselves. Your children cannot say, 'What are you doing, Mom? What are you doing? My life, my future, is being affected by your decision.'"
"But how is it not selfish to bring children in the world that you cannot actually afford?"
"Some people feel that it is a problem if you are a single mother because there isn't a father. And children need a father"

Assumption #1: Unmarried/unattached women should not be moms. They need a breadwinner, preferably a male one.
Assumption #2: Moms should not go to school or use their student loans to pay for taking care of their children. They should find a job.
Assumption #3: Moms have no right to public aid to help take care of their children. They should do it on their own! Freeloaders!
Assumption #4: Moms should voluntarily abort embryos to make it "safer."
Assumption #5: If poor people can't afford children, they shouldn't have them.

I feel like I could write a whole thesis on this. I know that this list of assumptions don't give this discussion justice, but I just don't have the time to go into more details. I'm just saying, think twice before you judge another mama. Becoming a mama and the number of children you wish to have is such a spiritual and personal choice and we have no reason to judge from the sidelines. It is not too uncommon to have huge families with lots of children. Poor people have the right to raise children and, often, they do it better than rich people.

home sweet home

I am sad to write that last Friday our house was broken into. It didn't come as some major surprise. Our next door neighbors house was recently broken into and we had heard that a few neighbors on the street behind us and other neighbors down the block have had similar experiences. Two youth have teamed up to scout out the neighborhood, during the day while they probably should be in school. We luckily have great neighbors who have warned everyone about these incidents. One neighbor actually saw a kid riding in circles in front of our house and then, realizing he was about to break in, called the cops immediately. The cops rolled 7 squad cars deep and were there within 2 minutes of the call. The kids barely had a chance to steal anything, but did take the pocket watch I gave Ben as our wedding present and some piggy-bank change. They also threw a bunch of things around. We are very lucky and grateful.

A neighbor also alerted us to something that happened on our block: a drug bust. A BIG drug bust. As much as I love living in Oakland, when things like this happen... I always have to wonder if it's time to move. About a year ago, a young man was killed in his car about half a block down. A few months ago, we came home to a big DOJ truck in front of our house and, apparently, one of the rented units was a storage space for meth-making equipment.

worst toy of the year??

I am dreading the day that Soluna writes up her Christmas Wish List and a Bradtz Doll makes the top 5. Will she ask for a party in theme with the newest Disney movie? Will she see a TV commercial for fast food and ask to go over and over and over again until I take her?

I stumbled across an online vote for the worst toy of the year at Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. Seems like an interesting organization.

My personal favorite worst toy:

What if your daughter wanted to dress like that??

working mama

Since the beginning of December, I have been juggling two jobs, working over 40 hours a week from home, while taking care of Soluna almost full-time. To say the least, I am exhausted.

Last night, Ben decided to take Soluna to a Super Bowl party so she could hang with her cousin Cheo. I had a rare opportunity to just chat and do arts and crafts with some friends celebrating their birthdays. All was good and fun, until I headed home and Ben said Soluna was near a meltdown. By the time I got home she was fast asleep, but Ben still looked a little distraught. She had been crying inconsolably for at least half an hour.

She woke up screaming an hour later. On all other days I just climb into bed with her, breastfeed and she gets lulled back to sleep. Last night was the total opposite. She basically screamed with her face all red and reached out for her papi. While I am happy that she is connecting with him more, it made me a little sad. She was mad at me in the only way a baby can be mad. She leaned on her papi in comfort and stared at me, distant. Earlier, I wasn't there when she needed me. Eventually, he passed her to me and I snuggled in bed with her and breastfed. She fell asleep and lay peaceful in my arms.

I have been so busy lately. Even though I spend time with her we are running from place to place. It's time to relax a little more and plan a little better. Luckily, one of my part-time jobs is just seasonal and is over in about a week. I don't know how full-time mamas can do it. I can't imagine going back to full-time work at this point. I wonder when it'll feel right or if it will ever.

I can't give enough praise to the amazing mamas that work long hours to come home to care for their families and maintain such a strong bond with their children.