I previously wrote about my family's struggles to keep our home. We, like many Americans, made the tough decision to foreclose. And we are in the thick of things right now as we struggle to find an affordable place in Oakland, pack up our things while downsizing and move before the looming "deadline." I've learned some things while slipping down the socio-economic ladder a few notches:
1. An affordable home in Oakland is VERY hard to find, especially with a dog.
2. Making folks with poor credit or low-income pay an extra rental deposit makes no sense. I understand that renters are taking an extra "risk" by renting to those with less desireable financial circumstances, but expecting those folks to pay a larger deposit makes no sense. Instead of that money sitting in the owner's bank account, why not make renters "pay-down" their rent at the beginning? Maybe paying $100-$150 x 12 months upfront would work better then taking away folk's extra emergency money.
3. There are so many things to think about when looking for a new place when you have kids. Here are a few of my dealbreakers: freeway as a front/back yard, dry cleaners or other environmentally hazardous businesses in the vicinity, bars on the windows, un-safe neighborhoods, graffitti in stairwells... Don't all kids have the right to live places without these things?
4. We're not the only ones going through this. Last night we watched "Capitalism: A Love Story" and it was totally a bad idea because we could relate so much, too much.
5. We're still SO lucky. We have family and friends that helped us move and took care of Soluna while we moved. We found an apartment we can afford in a pretty nice neigborhood. We still got a roof over our heads, food in our belly and each other!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
(re)dreaming
On December 23, Soluna turned two. It was a beautiful day, seeing my little toddler enjoy playing with her little friends and cousins. I haven't been writing in this blog lately. I finally got through the holidays, the party planning and am currently working two part-time jobs. But, a lot has been on my mind. There is something very primal, and maybe hormonal, about a mama feeling the need to focus on family and caring for her baby in the first months/years of motherhood and putting career/educational goals aside for a bit. I've really felt that intensely, but now, I feel like I'm waking up and feeling the passion and urgency to move and act on dreams. The funny thing is, I'm still unsure of what those dreams are.
Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?
So many options seem paralyzing.
I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?
2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.
If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.
Still growing, learning, moving forward.
Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?
So many options seem paralyzing.
I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?
2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.
If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.
Still growing, learning, moving forward.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
5 Favorites of a Toddler in NYC
To take full advantage of Ben's (f)un-employment and to celebrate my 30th birthday, we took a last minute trip to NYC. Okay, let's be REAL. Soluna "left" her legs in California. She didn't walk anywhere and we were struggling to carry her up and down subway steps. She didn't even want to be in her Ergo which meant our arms got really ripped that week. So maybe Manhattan isn't the most kid-friendly place in terms of transportation (especially with a cranky almost 2 year old who doesn't like strollers)...
But, if you are traveling to New York with a toddler there are some really great places to go. Here are our top 5 things to do with a Toddler in Manhattan:
1) Children's Museum of Manhattan: Soluna sung and danced during story time, played on a NYC firetruck, checked out the Dora exhibit, climbed, etc. Luckily all the grandparents gave her some spending money. We spent $10 each to go to the CMOM, but it was well worth it.
2) Diana Ross Playground: The safety standards in NYC playgrounds are a little lax compared to those in California... making this playground in Central Park AWESOME! Kids can swing, climb, chase, balance, slide, etc. It's right on West 81st Street in Central Park and with it's close proximity to Turtle Pond, The Museum of Natural History, Belvedere Castle... it's a great place to take a break so your kids can unwind and, hopefully, get tired enough for a nap!
3) Books of Wonder: GREAT bookstore where we got Soluna her new favorite book, Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale, about a Brooklyn toddler who loses her bunny at the laundromat.
4) Any Subway Train: We might have hated climbing up subway steps with our extra 25lbs of love (aka Soluna), but she LOVED the subway. She loved the wind in her face when it zoomed by. She loved people watching and making new friends on the subway. She loved falling asleep while getting some su-su on the train.
5) Cafe Lalo: Okay, this is NOT the place for parents who want their kids to be sugar-free. BUT, it is the BEST place for parents who have a sweet tooth of their own. I had the Chocolate Indulgence, "the ultimate dessert made with pure Belgium chocolate, a flourless cake on our hommade fresh strawberry puree, topped with whipped cream and a splash of frangelico." Soluna had a scoop of vanila ice-cream. We were both in heaven.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Playground Politics: When kids hurt kids...
Technically, we weren't in the playground, we were at a pumpkin patch. After an hour of "swimming" in a corn kernal pool, maneuvering through a mini maze and checking out pumpkins in a real pumpkin patch, we were happily heading to our car with Soluna in a borrowed wagon. In the corner of my eye, I see a little kid run up behind her. I turn just in time to see this little kid grab Soluna's hair with force enough to jerk her head back. Ben saw also, and we still are unsure of the kids age. He says 4, I say 5-6. And he remembers the kid kinda yelling at her before doing it.
Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.
On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.
So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?
* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.
Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.
On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.
So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?
* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Try! Try!
It is hard for me to believe that my little baby is actually a little girl now. This realization only comes when I hold a tiny newborn, look down at him and know in my heart that at this moment he will not talk back to me or grab my susu and proclaim "Mine!" Soluna speaks some complete sentences including, "I love susu!" and "Where are you?" She dances to music and is trying to sing her own songs. She has yet to learn that my family and Ben's family have never had a singer and is pretty much tone deaf.
But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.
I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"
But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.
I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Playground Politics: The Aggressively Gentle Mom and Daughter
I keep telling everyone that I want to write an article about playground politics. I have a lot of "observations" but have no idea what I would be trying to get at in such an article. I don't think there are specific rules that kids or parents need to follow and I'm not yet convinced that the playground is a microcosm of the real world, although I still think race/class/gender are neat to observe in playground interactions.
Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.
At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."
Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!
Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."
What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?
Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.
At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."
Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!
Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."
What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Hello, again...
someone said that the short baby boom was over. Apparently, my friends did not get the memo. There have been so many new baby posts on facebook and more babies on the way to count. I have a little bit of an itch to have our second, but I keep thinking about how nice it is to have just Soluna and I together during the day. Things are finally starting to feel a little easier and we've been laughing, playing and exploring together more without as many little baby issues to worry about.
Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.
I love her.
Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.
I love her.
Here she is with a grease high on our trip to North Carolina after eating hush puppies, ribs, fried corn on the cobb, and sweet potato fries:
Sunday, June 21, 2009
"happy papi!"
Happy Papi's Day, Benji!!
Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night when in the dark we hear a little, but loud voice say "Agua, please. Agua!" over and over again. Thank you for having infectuous belly laughs. Thank you for taking care of the heavy stuff. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for being reliable. Thank you for supporting mama dreams even if they change from day to day.
We love you!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Is 7 the lucky number?
My mom has been telling me and everyone else that I plan on breastfeeding Soluna until she is 7. It's kind of her "joke" but she is continually trying to discourage me and Soluna from continuing our nursing relationship. She flat out says to Soluna "Why are you still breastfeeding? You're not a baby anymore!" She tells me that my breasts are going to be down to my knees. Great! I asked my Inang (my mom's mom) how long she breastfed her kids (all 8 of them) and she said around 1-2 years, except my Uncle Alex that breastfed until he was 7. That's where my mom got the number 7. It does not matter that Soluna is still in that 1-2 years stage, my mom insists that it's time to stop. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to her. Actually Ben's grandma also said she breastfed her youngest until an age where she came home from school and breastfed. I think it's our mamas' generation that actually decided to stop earlier and, interestingly, I think it was part of their "Americanization" although I bet neither my mom or Ben's mom would admit it.
With that said, I am posting a link to a blog post that cites some research that concludes that the longer you breastfeed the higher your kids GPA will be and the more likely they will go to college. I think research like this is kind of funny because a) there is no way to prove breastfeeding relates specifically to the two outcomes, and b) you can prove almost anything by the way you set-up your experiment. But, I still like to see this research... because maybe it is true... and that would be nice.
With that said, I am posting a link to a blog post that cites some research that concludes that the longer you breastfeed the higher your kids GPA will be and the more likely they will go to college. I think research like this is kind of funny because a) there is no way to prove breastfeeding relates specifically to the two outcomes, and b) you can prove almost anything by the way you set-up your experiment. But, I still like to see this research... because maybe it is true... and that would be nice.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
words words words
Soluna has been talking, talking, talking. I love it. Here are a few things she's saying pretty regularly:
mom, mommy, papi, papa, lolo, lola, apong, abuelo, abuela, dog, ball, cat, duck, quack, go, walk, outside, inside, aqua, please, thank you, excuse me, wow, owie, lali, jair, baby, kids, play, head, eyes, hand, nose, socks, shoes, susu, hurry, faster, up, down, ice cream, cookie, katie, two, mango, avocado, go, bed, pee pee, caca, bird, butterfly, uh oh, mine, book, num-num (hungry), emma, pizza, hat, Giants!
And there's so much more she understands!
mom, mommy, papi, papa, lolo, lola, apong, abuelo, abuela, dog, ball, cat, duck, quack, go, walk, outside, inside, aqua, please, thank you, excuse me, wow, owie, lali, jair, baby, kids, play, head, eyes, hand, nose, socks, shoes, susu, hurry, faster, up, down, ice cream, cookie, katie, two, mango, avocado, go, bed, pee pee, caca, bird, butterfly, uh oh, mine, book, num-num (hungry), emma, pizza, hat, Giants!
And there's so much more she understands!
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