"Is she sleeping through the night?"

New mamas and papas will always get this question again and again and again: "Is she sleeping through the night?" After reading several baby books, I have learned that sleeping through the night actually means sleeping 5 or more hours straight.

Yes, Soluna sleeps through some nights. Other nights, not so much.

And then comes the biggest sleep training debate: Should you let your baby cry it out? -- For the non-baby savvy, crying it out is leaving your baby in her crib or bassinet awake so that she can self-soothe to sleep. This usually means your baby will cry until she is so tired she will fall asleep and, hopefully, eventually learn how to fall asleep crying less often or not at all. There are versions of the crying out method where you go into the room to check on your baby at different intervals and soothe her for a certain amount of time and then leave again.

Alright, maybe I am a (overly) sensitive mama, but the thought of this breaks my heart. Could I ever leave Soluna crying?? ... NO!

So we have been happily rocking her/brestfeeding her/putting her in the sling to sleep now for ... her entire life. I say happily, but I know that there have been nights we have struggled, when an overly stimulated Soluna has cried and cried in our arms until falling asleep hours later or when she just tossed and turned in bed pulling my nipple with her as she fought off sleep.

I tried some methods from The No Cry Sleep Solution, another book that seems to be recommended by all kinds of mothers. This book is kind of a balance between "attachment parenting" and "crying it out." It offers a way to sleep train babies without mama or baby (or even daddy) tears. Soluna was sleeping at around 9 or 10PM and then waking up around 2-3 times at night and then starting her day at around 7 or 8AM. We thought she might need a little more sleep so we tried some suggestions in the book when Soluna was about 4 and a half months.

The book said that babies are usually ready to sleep at around 6:30-7PM. So we started a night time routine to wind Soluna down which consisted of washing her with a washcloth, changing her diaper, changing her into PJs, and reading her a book. Supposedly this will eventually help cue her for bedtime. I would still have to breastfeed her to sleep and/or my husband would put her into a sling and rock her to sleep. We tried this for over a week and it messed with Soluna's previous sleeping schedule. She was waking up more times at night and was ready to play by 6AM. Which was not fun for mama or papi!

So we asked ourselves one important question: Were things really that bad?

And the answer was... No. We co-sleep, so I didn't really mind waking up as long as I could just roll over, she could eat and we could fall asleep snuggling. I actually liked it. So then, why was it so important for us to get her to sleep earlier? So for now, we're putting sleep training on hold.


Mama Note: I want to say that I am not hating on other choices parents make on how to put their baby to sleep. Parenting is about survival and you do what you need to do to remain sane. These are the decisions we are making as we go.. things might be different in 2 more months, when she is 1 years old or even next week.

bedsharing rocks... most of the time

When Soluna was tiny, she would sleep next to our bed in her stroller bassinet. Every time she would wake up, we would check her. I would breastfeed or Benji would change her diaper. (We divided the night time responsibilities.) Changing her diaper in the middle of the night was a frequent occurence and brought about the messiest of poop and pee. At this time she would often wait until her diaper was open to let out her waste. This, on a rare occassion, would result in projecticle poop. We were both exhausted, getting up every 1-3 hours each night. Plus, I just wanted her closer to me.

After reading some books and reflecting on my childhood, I knew what I wanted to do. In America, they called it co-sleeping or bed sharing. I wonder if there is a Filipino word, or if it's just a practice. I don't know when I started sleeping by myself. I vaguely remember how comforting it felt to sleep in my dad's armpit and how my tatang would rub my back until I dozed off.

I took a poll of my Filipino friends and asked them if they slept with their parents. Many of them had. One of my good friends, the youngest of four siblings, admitted to co-sleeping until she was 13! My cousin had told us about how she wouldn't get out of bed all night with her 1 year old daughter. That she changed her daughter next to her and offer her the breast if she woke up. She said, "It's the Filipino way!" A Filipino co-worker told me to keep them in bed and they'll never want to leave. Okay, I want Soluna to leave when she's older. But, I understood her point, your children become attached. You, as a parent, become attached. Parenting doesn't end at night.

I was convinced that this is what we needed and after some prodding and suggested readings on bed sharing, I had my husband convinced. His only request was to, if it ever came up, make sure folks know that we could still be "intimate." (Real men can still co-sleep.) The transition was smooth. I keep Soluna by my side and she nudges me with her head everytime she gets hungry. I roll over and present her with "the tap," as my husband calls it. She doesn't cry as often, most nights not at all. Benji only has to wake up once a night to change a diaper, if that. We have been co-sleeping, bedsharing now for about 3-4 months. We love it. And we wake up to her smiling and ready to play, happy to be in bed with us.

It is only in the West where babies are put in another room. I wonder if it has to do with class status. As Americans build bigger houses and struggle to keep up with the Jones', is it a status symbol to show others a beautiful nursery and to have a room just for the baby? For babies, it's instinct to want their mother. Would you want to sleep alone or cozy up next to a warm body that will feed and protect you?

Regardless, what mama wouldn't want to wake-up to this?

Yes, she sometimes sleeps with both arms outstretched.