bedsharing rocks... most of the time

When Soluna was tiny, she would sleep next to our bed in her stroller bassinet. Every time she would wake up, we would check her. I would breastfeed or Benji would change her diaper. (We divided the night time responsibilities.) Changing her diaper in the middle of the night was a frequent occurence and brought about the messiest of poop and pee. At this time she would often wait until her diaper was open to let out her waste. This, on a rare occassion, would result in projecticle poop. We were both exhausted, getting up every 1-3 hours each night. Plus, I just wanted her closer to me.

After reading some books and reflecting on my childhood, I knew what I wanted to do. In America, they called it co-sleeping or bed sharing. I wonder if there is a Filipino word, or if it's just a practice. I don't know when I started sleeping by myself. I vaguely remember how comforting it felt to sleep in my dad's armpit and how my tatang would rub my back until I dozed off.

I took a poll of my Filipino friends and asked them if they slept with their parents. Many of them had. One of my good friends, the youngest of four siblings, admitted to co-sleeping until she was 13! My cousin had told us about how she wouldn't get out of bed all night with her 1 year old daughter. That she changed her daughter next to her and offer her the breast if she woke up. She said, "It's the Filipino way!" A Filipino co-worker told me to keep them in bed and they'll never want to leave. Okay, I want Soluna to leave when she's older. But, I understood her point, your children become attached. You, as a parent, become attached. Parenting doesn't end at night.

I was convinced that this is what we needed and after some prodding and suggested readings on bed sharing, I had my husband convinced. His only request was to, if it ever came up, make sure folks know that we could still be "intimate." (Real men can still co-sleep.) The transition was smooth. I keep Soluna by my side and she nudges me with her head everytime she gets hungry. I roll over and present her with "the tap," as my husband calls it. She doesn't cry as often, most nights not at all. Benji only has to wake up once a night to change a diaper, if that. We have been co-sleeping, bedsharing now for about 3-4 months. We love it. And we wake up to her smiling and ready to play, happy to be in bed with us.

It is only in the West where babies are put in another room. I wonder if it has to do with class status. As Americans build bigger houses and struggle to keep up with the Jones', is it a status symbol to show others a beautiful nursery and to have a room just for the baby? For babies, it's instinct to want their mother. Would you want to sleep alone or cozy up next to a warm body that will feed and protect you?

Regardless, what mama wouldn't want to wake-up to this?

Yes, she sometimes sleeps with both arms outstretched.