to pacify or not to pacify?

"Where is her chupon?" My suegra would ask whenever we brought Soluna over. Whether to use or not use a pacifier was one of the most "controversial" baby decisions my husband and I made and it seemed to constantly come up when we visited his parents. We decided not to give Soluna the pacifier for several reasons:

#1: An early introduction to the pacifier could cause nipple confusion. Ouch! And, if Soluna had all her sucking needs satisfied with a pacifier, it could have led to low/no milk production.

#2: We thought: Do you really want your child sucking on a piece of rubber? Or, would you rather comfort her in your arms and at at your breast?

#3: We believe that baby cries are forms of communication. (This is from the Sears' attachment parenting beliefs that I will discuss in a later post.) We wanted her to keep trying to communicate with us and we wanted to keep trying to understand her. We didn't just want to "shut her up" as quick as possible.

We did waver in our stance twice. Once, Soluna was up for hours crying and crying. My nipples were sore and we were exhausted. We gave her the pacifier and she fell alseep after a little while. The second time, we gave in to parental pressures and, thinking that I was going back to work soon, we realized she actually may need to satisfy her sucking needs when I wasn't around. We tried to offer her the pacifier and she continued to push it out of her mouth with her tongue or just let it fall out.

Let me tell you though, we do have a little bit of a whiny baby. She tells you right away if she is uncomfortable, if she is hungry, if she is bored or if she wants to be carried by mom or dad. I am happy that she knows her whines and cries will be heard. This is not to say that I now jump up at her every whimper, but I do listen to her... and hope that in the long term this teaches her something more important. I truly believe that a quiet baby is not necessarily a happy baby. He/she just might be a baby that has learned that his/her communication and wishes are not listened to or important.

The other day Benji tried to cut her nails while I was breastfeeding. What?! She gave him a stern growl and shot him a look of anger. For some parents this would have led to some crazy power struggle. Instead, we knew exactly what she wanted... to eat in peace. Doesn't everybody want this? And she let me cut her nails the next morning, with no problems.