(re)dreaming

On December 23, Soluna turned two. It was a beautiful day, seeing my little toddler enjoy playing with her little friends and cousins. I haven't been writing in this blog lately. I finally got through the holidays, the party planning and am currently working two part-time jobs. But, a lot has been on my mind. There is something very primal, and maybe hormonal, about a mama feeling the need to focus on family and caring for her baby in the first months/years of motherhood and putting career/educational goals aside for a bit. I've really felt that intensely, but now, I feel like I'm waking up and feeling the passion and urgency to move and act on dreams. The funny thing is, I'm still unsure of what those dreams are.

Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?

So many options seem paralyzing.

I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?

2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.

If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.

Still growing, learning, moving forward.