Monday, December 5, 2011
Our kids give a timeout to big banks!
Mamas are busy in Oakland! My mamas group, ColorfulMamas of the 99%, organized a timeout for Wells Fargo in solidarity with Occupy Oakland and Occupy Wall Street. Our kids chant, "You're no fair! Pay your share!" For more information on our group "like" ColorfulMamas of the 99% on Facebook.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Mama Sanity in and Insane World
With Soluna, it took me 6 months after her birth to really start writing. So I forgive myself for waiting so long to really write about Macario. These past months have been a struggle.
One thing that "my birth as a mother" taught me was to trust my instincts, to believe in myself as a mama. This, I believe, is the biggest challenge of any mama... if you choose to accept it.
After Macario was born and I became a mama x two, everyone asks, "Are thing easier the 2nd time around?" Well, "Yes and No." I no longer spend my wee hours of the night worry about whether or not Macario is getting enough breast milk. I don't panic when he cries. I can read him a little easier. But, balancing my attention and my time between two kids is a crazy challenge. I am so tired, more tired then I have ever been and am doing more/holding more than I ever have in my life in my work, in my home and in my community. And there is a serious sense of urgency in all pieces of the work I hold. Because our kids deserve a good mom, a better education, a better world... mamas gotta do what they gotta do to hold things down.
The reality of it is that this has lead to lots of mama anxiety and because of my work in environmental justice/environmental health, I have really focused my anxiety on toxics. F'real. I use to think I was the opposite of a germ-a-phobe. I may now have become a toxic-a-phobe. Angela tells me that in the scale of phobias, toxics is better than germs. I believe her, just because somehow this makes me feel better about myself. hah.
It is actually a very long story about how this toxic-phobia has played out over the past 6 months... starting with a Moms conference on toxics, leading to some major changes in our lives, creating serious disruption, pushing me to therapy... and there have been some major realizations along the way. Anyhow, all of this cannot be shared in one post and I will try to stagger some of my findings in the next few weeks.... But ultimately, what I have learned is that it's hard to be a sane mama in an insane world. And along with this, it is hard to raise a healthy family in an unhealthy world.
Sigh. And so I begin to write again...
One thing that "my birth as a mother" taught me was to trust my instincts, to believe in myself as a mama. This, I believe, is the biggest challenge of any mama... if you choose to accept it.
After Macario was born and I became a mama x two, everyone asks, "Are thing easier the 2nd time around?" Well, "Yes and No." I no longer spend my wee hours of the night worry about whether or not Macario is getting enough breast milk. I don't panic when he cries. I can read him a little easier. But, balancing my attention and my time between two kids is a crazy challenge. I am so tired, more tired then I have ever been and am doing more/holding more than I ever have in my life in my work, in my home and in my community. And there is a serious sense of urgency in all pieces of the work I hold. Because our kids deserve a good mom, a better education, a better world... mamas gotta do what they gotta do to hold things down.
The reality of it is that this has lead to lots of mama anxiety and because of my work in environmental justice/environmental health, I have really focused my anxiety on toxics. F'real. I use to think I was the opposite of a germ-a-phobe. I may now have become a toxic-a-phobe. Angela tells me that in the scale of phobias, toxics is better than germs. I believe her, just because somehow this makes me feel better about myself. hah.
It is actually a very long story about how this toxic-phobia has played out over the past 6 months... starting with a Moms conference on toxics, leading to some major changes in our lives, creating serious disruption, pushing me to therapy... and there have been some major realizations along the way. Anyhow, all of this cannot be shared in one post and I will try to stagger some of my findings in the next few weeks.... But ultimately, what I have learned is that it's hard to be a sane mama in an insane world. And along with this, it is hard to raise a healthy family in an unhealthy world.
Sigh. And so I begin to write again...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I wish...
I wish I could hold the sweetest moments of mamahood forever. As we sleep 4 in a full size bed I see Soluna and Macario are asleep and holding hands. Peaceful, safe. Sometimes I forget to breathe in these moments, to let the love and contentment of my life wash over me. Sometimes the only things I feel are fear or anxiety, for all the things in the world that are not the way they should be and that I cannot control. I wish I could protect them from it all, but I am only human.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Big sister! Big belly! Big butt butt!
Soluna loves to say she is the "Big sister! Big Belly! Big Butt Butt!" She is smothering little Macario with love which I would choose any day over big siblings that are jealous or semi-violent to their family's new addition. You don't have to see Soluna smothering, this picture tells the story!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Welcome to the world, Macario!
On January 5, 2011 at 6:22PM, I gave birth to our son Macario. He is named after my mom's father (who I call Tatang). He was a hardworking farmer and family man. Tatang took care of me throughout my childhood and was my favorite person in the world. While our little Macario may not look too much like him, I hope that he will have the same commitment that Tatang had to our community, family and earth.
Labor for little Macario was crazy and fast. I decided to have a natural birth, as I had planned for Soluna, but this time went to the Sacred Birth Place in Oakland to be assisted by midwives. Between contractions I was completely lucid and I remember passionately thinking to myself, "NEVER AGAIN! Remember this moment. NEVER AGAIN! It hurts! Don't ever get pregnant again." We'll see what happens.
Macario was 9 pounds 2 ounces. He practically slipped out of me to be caught by the careful hands of his papa. He is beautiful. I don't know what to do with a little boy, but I'll learn.
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