14 Kids? Do you really think you can judge??

"What would possess a family where's there's a husband and wife to want 12 kids or 18 kids? That's just what they feel is meaningful to them. Their family. Expanding a family. It's an amazing thing. I do believe that children are all blessings from god. And I feel it's all positive, it's positive experience. You know, I don't like to dwell on any of the negative. And - a lot of people do." - Nadya Suleman

When the story broke that a woman in Southern California gave birth to octuplets I was amazed. I couldn't imagine carrying 2 little babies in my belly, let alone 8. I was tired enough with just little 6lb 13oz Soluna sucking my nutrients and energy for 9 months. When the media started to dig a little deeper they learned that Nadya Suleman already had 6 children, that she was a single mother, a woman of color and had no steady income. She was using student loans, disability and food stamps to provide for her little ones. The world shook its head, sounded a few "tsk"s and started to wag its finger at her. How dare she? ... right!?

I reserved judgement and sat on this story for a few weeks before blogging more. But after watching last night's interview on NBC, I am so mad and it's not at mama. Now don't think I full-heartedly advocate for people to make the choices she has made. I'm not sure about her mental stability. I don't believe in in vitro fertilization where more than 3 embryos are placed in a mamas womb and, if they all take, can lead to an unsafe number of babies and the recommendation to abort a few children (or as they say "selectively reduce"). And, I think in our pop-culture right now, babies are "in" and mamas are jumpin' on the fad without second thought. Brangelina are doing it, why not you?

But her choices are her choices and the universe has a way of finding balance and teaching lessons for all those to hear. What really gets me mad are the questions raised by Ann Curry, another woman of color, and what it tells about our society's assumptions about being a good mother.

A few of the Questions:
"People are not trying to judge you... What they're trying to do is, it seems, trying to speak up for your children, who can't speak up for themselves. Your children cannot say, 'What are you doing, Mom? What are you doing? My life, my future, is being affected by your decision.'"
"But how is it not selfish to bring children in the world that you cannot actually afford?"
"Some people feel that it is a problem if you are a single mother because there isn't a father. And children need a father"

Assumption #1: Unmarried/unattached women should not be moms. They need a breadwinner, preferably a male one.
Assumption #2: Moms should not go to school or use their student loans to pay for taking care of their children. They should find a job.
Assumption #3: Moms have no right to public aid to help take care of their children. They should do it on their own! Freeloaders!
Assumption #4: Moms should voluntarily abort embryos to make it "safer."
Assumption #5: If poor people can't afford children, they shouldn't have them.

I feel like I could write a whole thesis on this. I know that this list of assumptions don't give this discussion justice, but I just don't have the time to go into more details. I'm just saying, think twice before you judge another mama. Becoming a mama and the number of children you wish to have is such a spiritual and personal choice and we have no reason to judge from the sidelines. It is not too uncommon to have huge families with lots of children. Poor people have the right to raise children and, often, they do it better than rich people.