"she's going to be little for a long time."

I had originally decided that I was going to go back to work after two months of maternity leave. This, in retrospect, was a crazy idea. But who I am after Soluna was welcomed into the world is much different than pregnant Aya. I totally thought I was another "working mom" who could juggle everything and have everything: the perfect family, the successful career and a happy dual-income lifestyle. Priorities change and attachment is real. I don't want to miss a thing with my little baby.

Sometime in February or March before I extended my maternity leave, I decided to take a training on boards and commissions. It was supposed to help me transition back to work. I ran into some folks that work for the Mayor's office. A woman that I had worked closely with and I got to talking. She's another woman of color, someone who I thought had somewhat progressive views and grassroots organizing experience. I told her about how I don't feel right leaving my baby just yet and that I was trying to extend my maternity leave. Soluna was still so little. She laughed aloud, "She's going to be little for a long time."

That was my first realization that woman of color was different than mama of color.

As time passed, I extended 2 months to 2.5 months, to 6 months. A few weeks ago I turned in my letter of resignation so that I could work part-time at a job that lets your work part-time from home. Life changes.


I mean, could you really leave this kid at day care?
As the youth commissioners finished my sentence... "I really loved working with y'all and I want to stay ... but..." ... "She's cuter." ... And she's not going to be little for a long time.