Monday, December 5, 2011
Our kids give a timeout to big banks!
Mamas are busy in Oakland! My mamas group, ColorfulMamas of the 99%, organized a timeout for Wells Fargo in solidarity with Occupy Oakland and Occupy Wall Street. Our kids chant, "You're no fair! Pay your share!" For more information on our group "like" ColorfulMamas of the 99% on Facebook.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Mama Sanity in and Insane World
With Soluna, it took me 6 months after her birth to really start writing. So I forgive myself for waiting so long to really write about Macario. These past months have been a struggle.
One thing that "my birth as a mother" taught me was to trust my instincts, to believe in myself as a mama. This, I believe, is the biggest challenge of any mama... if you choose to accept it.
After Macario was born and I became a mama x two, everyone asks, "Are thing easier the 2nd time around?" Well, "Yes and No." I no longer spend my wee hours of the night worry about whether or not Macario is getting enough breast milk. I don't panic when he cries. I can read him a little easier. But, balancing my attention and my time between two kids is a crazy challenge. I am so tired, more tired then I have ever been and am doing more/holding more than I ever have in my life in my work, in my home and in my community. And there is a serious sense of urgency in all pieces of the work I hold. Because our kids deserve a good mom, a better education, a better world... mamas gotta do what they gotta do to hold things down.
The reality of it is that this has lead to lots of mama anxiety and because of my work in environmental justice/environmental health, I have really focused my anxiety on toxics. F'real. I use to think I was the opposite of a germ-a-phobe. I may now have become a toxic-a-phobe. Angela tells me that in the scale of phobias, toxics is better than germs. I believe her, just because somehow this makes me feel better about myself. hah.
It is actually a very long story about how this toxic-phobia has played out over the past 6 months... starting with a Moms conference on toxics, leading to some major changes in our lives, creating serious disruption, pushing me to therapy... and there have been some major realizations along the way. Anyhow, all of this cannot be shared in one post and I will try to stagger some of my findings in the next few weeks.... But ultimately, what I have learned is that it's hard to be a sane mama in an insane world. And along with this, it is hard to raise a healthy family in an unhealthy world.
Sigh. And so I begin to write again...
One thing that "my birth as a mother" taught me was to trust my instincts, to believe in myself as a mama. This, I believe, is the biggest challenge of any mama... if you choose to accept it.
After Macario was born and I became a mama x two, everyone asks, "Are thing easier the 2nd time around?" Well, "Yes and No." I no longer spend my wee hours of the night worry about whether or not Macario is getting enough breast milk. I don't panic when he cries. I can read him a little easier. But, balancing my attention and my time between two kids is a crazy challenge. I am so tired, more tired then I have ever been and am doing more/holding more than I ever have in my life in my work, in my home and in my community. And there is a serious sense of urgency in all pieces of the work I hold. Because our kids deserve a good mom, a better education, a better world... mamas gotta do what they gotta do to hold things down.
The reality of it is that this has lead to lots of mama anxiety and because of my work in environmental justice/environmental health, I have really focused my anxiety on toxics. F'real. I use to think I was the opposite of a germ-a-phobe. I may now have become a toxic-a-phobe. Angela tells me that in the scale of phobias, toxics is better than germs. I believe her, just because somehow this makes me feel better about myself. hah.
It is actually a very long story about how this toxic-phobia has played out over the past 6 months... starting with a Moms conference on toxics, leading to some major changes in our lives, creating serious disruption, pushing me to therapy... and there have been some major realizations along the way. Anyhow, all of this cannot be shared in one post and I will try to stagger some of my findings in the next few weeks.... But ultimately, what I have learned is that it's hard to be a sane mama in an insane world. And along with this, it is hard to raise a healthy family in an unhealthy world.
Sigh. And so I begin to write again...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I wish...
I wish I could hold the sweetest moments of mamahood forever. As we sleep 4 in a full size bed I see Soluna and Macario are asleep and holding hands. Peaceful, safe. Sometimes I forget to breathe in these moments, to let the love and contentment of my life wash over me. Sometimes the only things I feel are fear or anxiety, for all the things in the world that are not the way they should be and that I cannot control. I wish I could protect them from it all, but I am only human.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Big sister! Big belly! Big butt butt!
Soluna loves to say she is the "Big sister! Big Belly! Big Butt Butt!" She is smothering little Macario with love which I would choose any day over big siblings that are jealous or semi-violent to their family's new addition. You don't have to see Soluna smothering, this picture tells the story!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Welcome to the world, Macario!
On January 5, 2011 at 6:22PM, I gave birth to our son Macario. He is named after my mom's father (who I call Tatang). He was a hardworking farmer and family man. Tatang took care of me throughout my childhood and was my favorite person in the world. While our little Macario may not look too much like him, I hope that he will have the same commitment that Tatang had to our community, family and earth.
Labor for little Macario was crazy and fast. I decided to have a natural birth, as I had planned for Soluna, but this time went to the Sacred Birth Place in Oakland to be assisted by midwives. Between contractions I was completely lucid and I remember passionately thinking to myself, "NEVER AGAIN! Remember this moment. NEVER AGAIN! It hurts! Don't ever get pregnant again." We'll see what happens.
Macario was 9 pounds 2 ounces. He practically slipped out of me to be caught by the careful hands of his papa. He is beautiful. I don't know what to do with a little boy, but I'll learn.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Homebirth
This Monday, when I turned 35 weeks pregnant, Ben and I made a major decision. We decided to have a homebirth. Technically, it's a homebirth, but it'll actually happen at a Birth Center with a midwife that is not a doctor or nurse. We had considered it earlier on in pregnancy, but with finances so tight, I felt it would be the best decision to just have a doula at Kaiser. But, it didn't feel right.
So we had our first appointment with the women at the Sacred Birth Place yesterday. The meeting was 2.5 hours long, longer than ALL the time I have spent with my OBGYN since the beginning of my pregnancy. They asked so many questions about my health, sexuality, my fears, my previous labor, etc. She explained how they were going to do an examination to determine the shape of my pelvis to gain a better idea of what obstacles the baby might have on his/her way out. Who does this anymore?!? It was nice to know that the women doing my prenatal care are also going to be at my labor, something that does not happen at Kaiser. And, Soluna was free to play around with one of the midwives' sons and together they jumped on the bed where I was being examined and "helped." Things feel so much better and I feel even more ready to bring this baby into the world.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
the light that fills the world
I think over again my small adventures, my fears.
These small ones that seemed so big.
For all the vital things I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing.
The only thing.
To live to see the great day that dawns.
And the light that fills the world."
- Old Inuit song spoken
A little something on this week's episode of True Blood.
These small ones that seemed so big.
For all the vital things I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing.
The only thing.
To live to see the great day that dawns.
And the light that fills the world."
- Old Inuit song spoken
A little something on this week's episode of True Blood.
Friday, July 2, 2010
do you remember?
Mamas definitely have selective memory. As I barely survive my 1st Trimester with baby #2, I am only remembering now how hard my pregnancy with Soluna was. I imagine mamas were made to forget how crazy sick we get during pregnancy and the pain of labor, so that we continue to have more children. Honestly, I feel horrible. I can't wait until I feel like myself again. I hope that is sometime during this pregnancy and not after our little one is born. I think I was sick for the first 6 months of my pregnancy with Soluna.
No Worries
"No worries. It's okay, mama. I'm here." These are the words I hear from my little 2 year old when I am frantically looking for my keys, when I mention that my stomach hurts, or when someone cuts me off on the freeway and I can barely hold back a few curse words. Sometimes she says these things when I haven't even said anything. I just look a little flustered. I am reminded at how this little one came from me and while we are no longer connected physically via umbilical cord, we are still very much connected.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I'm gonna stare you down!
Soluna attended her second soccer class this week at Mosswood Park and afterwards we took her to the parks playground so she could run out any energy she had left. There were two kids playing in this one area of the playground and Soluna ran toward them ready to play there too. A little boy, a few years older than her, stopped her and said, "No babies allowed" and shut an imaginary door on her. Soluna did not cry. She did not run to mom and dad. Actually, she didn't say a word. She stood her ground and stared him down with the face of a girl who means business. We watched her from afar. It was a good amount of time that she just looked at him... until he unlocked the imaginary door and said, "Okay, babies allowed!"
I would love to know what was being said in her inner-monologue, if she has one yet. But now you know... don't mess with Ms. Soluna. My little girl is learning to defend herself, such an important trait. Next time someone tells me something I don't want to hear, I'm gonna do a Soluna.
I would love to know what was being said in her inner-monologue, if she has one yet. But now you know... don't mess with Ms. Soluna. My little girl is learning to defend herself, such an important trait. Next time someone tells me something I don't want to hear, I'm gonna do a Soluna.
Friday, June 18, 2010
"You need new su-sus!"
There is some bittersweet about weaning Soluna. After 2.5 years of breastfeeding, I really believe that she is physically and emotionally healthier and smarter then she would have been without all of mama's milk, time and comfort.
After getting pregnant a few months ago, my body just did not feel right with a toddler at my breast. I was feeling drained, my nipples were sore. I always use to say, "breastfeeding is for the lazy mom like me." Breastfeeding was magic on a crazy day. All I had to do was sit down, hold Soluna in my arms and put her to my breast. She wad eat, sleep, find comfort. But as a pregnant mama, breastfeeding is no longer for the lazy. My body felt more tired, more drained and it was not right for the little one growing inside.
So I started cutting down her breastfeeding time. I told her that I was feeling tired and she was growing up. I explained it was time for her to have less "su-su" (as she calls it). In a few weeks, at night I took her off my breast when she was still awake and had her fall asleep on her. I distracted her from breastfeeding during the day or in the morning. There was a little resistance, but she was ready. She eventually stopped asking for it for a few days and my milk just quickly dried up. No engorgement. She eventually did ask for milk and I hesitantly put her to my breast and asked, "Is there milk?" She exclaimed, "YOU NEED NEW SU-SUs, MAMA!" She also proceeded to ask for a glass of milk, not to drink, but that she though I needed to put my susu into to get milk. What a great idea! I told her that I didn't need new susus, that she had drank all the milk and was a little girl now. I have her a high-five and a big hug.
She still asks for susu and sometimes when she is sleeping, she leans over to grab a nipple. There is something so bittersweet in my baby becoming a little girl. Our relationship is evolving and she is learning to be her own person.
After getting pregnant a few months ago, my body just did not feel right with a toddler at my breast. I was feeling drained, my nipples were sore. I always use to say, "breastfeeding is for the lazy mom like me." Breastfeeding was magic on a crazy day. All I had to do was sit down, hold Soluna in my arms and put her to my breast. She wad eat, sleep, find comfort. But as a pregnant mama, breastfeeding is no longer for the lazy. My body felt more tired, more drained and it was not right for the little one growing inside.
So I started cutting down her breastfeeding time. I told her that I was feeling tired and she was growing up. I explained it was time for her to have less "su-su" (as she calls it). In a few weeks, at night I took her off my breast when she was still awake and had her fall asleep on her. I distracted her from breastfeeding during the day or in the morning. There was a little resistance, but she was ready. She eventually stopped asking for it for a few days and my milk just quickly dried up. No engorgement. She eventually did ask for milk and I hesitantly put her to my breast and asked, "Is there milk?" She exclaimed, "YOU NEED NEW SU-SUs, MAMA!" She also proceeded to ask for a glass of milk, not to drink, but that she though I needed to put my susu into to get milk. What a great idea! I told her that I didn't need new susus, that she had drank all the milk and was a little girl now. I have her a high-five and a big hug.
She still asks for susu and sometimes when she is sleeping, she leans over to grab a nipple. There is something so bittersweet in my baby becoming a little girl. Our relationship is evolving and she is learning to be her own person.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Finding Home in Oakland
I previously wrote about my family's struggles to keep our home. We, like many Americans, made the tough decision to foreclose. And we are in the thick of things right now as we struggle to find an affordable place in Oakland, pack up our things while downsizing and move before the looming "deadline." I've learned some things while slipping down the socio-economic ladder a few notches:
1. An affordable home in Oakland is VERY hard to find, especially with a dog.
2. Making folks with poor credit or low-income pay an extra rental deposit makes no sense. I understand that renters are taking an extra "risk" by renting to those with less desireable financial circumstances, but expecting those folks to pay a larger deposit makes no sense. Instead of that money sitting in the owner's bank account, why not make renters "pay-down" their rent at the beginning? Maybe paying $100-$150 x 12 months upfront would work better then taking away folk's extra emergency money.
3. There are so many things to think about when looking for a new place when you have kids. Here are a few of my dealbreakers: freeway as a front/back yard, dry cleaners or other environmentally hazardous businesses in the vicinity, bars on the windows, un-safe neighborhoods, graffitti in stairwells... Don't all kids have the right to live places without these things?
4. We're not the only ones going through this. Last night we watched "Capitalism: A Love Story" and it was totally a bad idea because we could relate so much, too much.
5. We're still SO lucky. We have family and friends that helped us move and took care of Soluna while we moved. We found an apartment we can afford in a pretty nice neigborhood. We still got a roof over our heads, food in our belly and each other!!
1. An affordable home in Oakland is VERY hard to find, especially with a dog.
2. Making folks with poor credit or low-income pay an extra rental deposit makes no sense. I understand that renters are taking an extra "risk" by renting to those with less desireable financial circumstances, but expecting those folks to pay a larger deposit makes no sense. Instead of that money sitting in the owner's bank account, why not make renters "pay-down" their rent at the beginning? Maybe paying $100-$150 x 12 months upfront would work better then taking away folk's extra emergency money.
3. There are so many things to think about when looking for a new place when you have kids. Here are a few of my dealbreakers: freeway as a front/back yard, dry cleaners or other environmentally hazardous businesses in the vicinity, bars on the windows, un-safe neighborhoods, graffitti in stairwells... Don't all kids have the right to live places without these things?
4. We're not the only ones going through this. Last night we watched "Capitalism: A Love Story" and it was totally a bad idea because we could relate so much, too much.
5. We're still SO lucky. We have family and friends that helped us move and took care of Soluna while we moved. We found an apartment we can afford in a pretty nice neigborhood. We still got a roof over our heads, food in our belly and each other!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
(re)dreaming
On December 23, Soluna turned two. It was a beautiful day, seeing my little toddler enjoy playing with her little friends and cousins. I haven't been writing in this blog lately. I finally got through the holidays, the party planning and am currently working two part-time jobs. But, a lot has been on my mind. There is something very primal, and maybe hormonal, about a mama feeling the need to focus on family and caring for her baby in the first months/years of motherhood and putting career/educational goals aside for a bit. I've really felt that intensely, but now, I feel like I'm waking up and feeling the passion and urgency to move and act on dreams. The funny thing is, I'm still unsure of what those dreams are.
Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?
So many options seem paralyzing.
I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?
2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.
If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.
Still growing, learning, moving forward.
Do I want to re-focus myself on becoming an Ethnic Studies professor that I had wanted about 8 years ago when I started the grad program at SFSU?
Do I enroll myself in a financial planning certificate program and focus my efforts in learning everything I can about socially responsible investing?
Do I "choose" one of my many business venture ideas and really run with it?
Do I just immerse myself more intensely in my current job and gain all the skills I need to run a non-profit organization or at least handle all major operations?
Do I re-visit my previous short-term interest in natural birthing and really see if that's right for me?
So many options seem paralyzing.
I remain inspired by all the personal statements I have been reading from all the hopeful seniors applying for a prestigious university (that will remain nameless, since it's one of my two jobs). High schoolers are working so hard to learn multiple languages, build robots, learn to debate, serve their communities, travel all over the world, assist scientists in real labs... I remember the passion I once had to reach for my dreams, to learn as much as I can, but what do I want to do and what do I want to learn now?
2010 (and my 30s) has to be a year of choices and action.
If not for me, but for Soluna. Because one of my many wishes/dreams for her is to feel passionately about life and learning and to go after her dreams. And the best way to teach her the value of this is to do it myself.
Still growing, learning, moving forward.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
5 Favorites of a Toddler in NYC
To take full advantage of Ben's (f)un-employment and to celebrate my 30th birthday, we took a last minute trip to NYC. Okay, let's be REAL. Soluna "left" her legs in California. She didn't walk anywhere and we were struggling to carry her up and down subway steps. She didn't even want to be in her Ergo which meant our arms got really ripped that week. So maybe Manhattan isn't the most kid-friendly place in terms of transportation (especially with a cranky almost 2 year old who doesn't like strollers)...
But, if you are traveling to New York with a toddler there are some really great places to go. Here are our top 5 things to do with a Toddler in Manhattan:
1) Children's Museum of Manhattan: Soluna sung and danced during story time, played on a NYC firetruck, checked out the Dora exhibit, climbed, etc. Luckily all the grandparents gave her some spending money. We spent $10 each to go to the CMOM, but it was well worth it.
2) Diana Ross Playground: The safety standards in NYC playgrounds are a little lax compared to those in California... making this playground in Central Park AWESOME! Kids can swing, climb, chase, balance, slide, etc. It's right on West 81st Street in Central Park and with it's close proximity to Turtle Pond, The Museum of Natural History, Belvedere Castle... it's a great place to take a break so your kids can unwind and, hopefully, get tired enough for a nap!
3) Books of Wonder: GREAT bookstore where we got Soluna her new favorite book, Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale, about a Brooklyn toddler who loses her bunny at the laundromat.
4) Any Subway Train: We might have hated climbing up subway steps with our extra 25lbs of love (aka Soluna), but she LOVED the subway. She loved the wind in her face when it zoomed by. She loved people watching and making new friends on the subway. She loved falling asleep while getting some su-su on the train.
5) Cafe Lalo: Okay, this is NOT the place for parents who want their kids to be sugar-free. BUT, it is the BEST place for parents who have a sweet tooth of their own. I had the Chocolate Indulgence, "the ultimate dessert made with pure Belgium chocolate, a flourless cake on our hommade fresh strawberry puree, topped with whipped cream and a splash of frangelico." Soluna had a scoop of vanila ice-cream. We were both in heaven.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Playground Politics: When kids hurt kids...
Technically, we weren't in the playground, we were at a pumpkin patch. After an hour of "swimming" in a corn kernal pool, maneuvering through a mini maze and checking out pumpkins in a real pumpkin patch, we were happily heading to our car with Soluna in a borrowed wagon. In the corner of my eye, I see a little kid run up behind her. I turn just in time to see this little kid grab Soluna's hair with force enough to jerk her head back. Ben saw also, and we still are unsure of the kids age. He says 4, I say 5-6. And he remembers the kid kinda yelling at her before doing it.
Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.
On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.
So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?
* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.
Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.
On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.
So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?
* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Try! Try!
It is hard for me to believe that my little baby is actually a little girl now. This realization only comes when I hold a tiny newborn, look down at him and know in my heart that at this moment he will not talk back to me or grab my susu and proclaim "Mine!" Soluna speaks some complete sentences including, "I love susu!" and "Where are you?" She dances to music and is trying to sing her own songs. She has yet to learn that my family and Ben's family have never had a singer and is pretty much tone deaf.
But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.
I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"
But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.
I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Playground Politics: The Aggressively Gentle Mom and Daughter
I keep telling everyone that I want to write an article about playground politics. I have a lot of "observations" but have no idea what I would be trying to get at in such an article. I don't think there are specific rules that kids or parents need to follow and I'm not yet convinced that the playground is a microcosm of the real world, although I still think race/class/gender are neat to observe in playground interactions.
Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.
At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."
Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!
Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."
What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?
Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.
At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."
Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!
Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."
What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Hello, again...
someone said that the short baby boom was over. Apparently, my friends did not get the memo. There have been so many new baby posts on facebook and more babies on the way to count. I have a little bit of an itch to have our second, but I keep thinking about how nice it is to have just Soluna and I together during the day. Things are finally starting to feel a little easier and we've been laughing, playing and exploring together more without as many little baby issues to worry about.
Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.
I love her.
Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.
I love her.
Here she is with a grease high on our trip to North Carolina after eating hush puppies, ribs, fried corn on the cobb, and sweet potato fries:
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