Benji says I better not be a tease and actually write some of these brown hippie mama confessions.
In case you missed the first two confessions:
#1: I actually like macrobiotic vegan food and I'd like to see my food and Soluna's food in its original form before eating.
#2: I shop at Berkeley Bowl to get organic produce!
So here goes #3: I've given up on regular deodorants.
There's something about the strong smells of regular deodorants that leads me to believe that all those chemicals aren't supposed to be applied to porous areas of your skin where they can seep into body. I just did a google search and there were a bunch of articles on this including this one. So maybe it's not just me.
But since I knew I would be breastfeeding, I phased out using regular deodorant during my pregnancy. I just didn't feel like rubbing those chemicals onto a part of my body so close to my breasts and close to where my baby eats. I've looked for more natural remedies or organic brands. None of these work. So, I try to shower and bathe more often, but I smell funky sometimes. And, I feel like I sweat more post-partum... *sigh* sacrifices of motherhood.
Now I've never found any articles about deodorant and its link to breast milk, so maybe I'm making this up... but it seems logical to me. If you know of any studies please send them my way.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
separation anxiety... diverted, for now.
I didn't get to write in my blog about this earlier but I wanted to share an email I sent to my ColorfulMamas group a few months back:
Whether it was from Colorful Mamas or from friends, I got all kinds of great advice and/or just words of support about this. Mamas told me their tricks on getting a picky breastfeeder onto the bottle. I heard from mamas who had the exact same problems and how they just had to move forward and deal with it. Mamas shared how they spoke to their babies about how things were going to happen, why they had to go to work and when they would go back and swore that babies somehow understood. Papas told me about how you gotta just let it go. Mamas told me to really appreciate this time since it's just a short phase and before you know it your baby will be jumping out of your arms to play. Parents always say attachment is a good thing.
We made the transition slowly. I encouraged Benji to spend more time with Soluna. I did start trying to explain to her what was happening. I think she's starting to get it. She got more comfortable with Benji weeks ago and...
when I came home on Monday, my parents were smiling & Soluna was smiling and eating peaches. They were having a great time. AND she did her little "happy dance" when she saw me. She kicks her legs a few times and reaches out for me while smiling big! I love it. I'm sure we'll have more days of anxiety in the coming months, but Monday was a really good day. I started part-time work two weeks ago and Soluna has been staying with my parents, my inlaws or my husband. It's usually for a few hours at a time. She has had less and less anxiety and fewer tears.
I better knock on wood and hope that this continues.
Hi mamas,
I posted a few months ago about Soluna's separation
anxiety at 2 and a half months. I thought it was a
phase. I pushed back going back to work to be with
her and tested the waters every once in a while to
see if she could stay with my husband or parents for
an hour or two or three. My husband has a great
relationship with her and my parents have been coming
to visit at least once a week since she was born.
Now that she is 5 months, it's still the same. When
I leave her, she is okay for a little while, but then
she cries and cries and cries. It's the kind of cry
where she is gasping for her breath, her face is red
and she has huge tears streaming down her face. She is
loud and the cry seems to scare my parents. She usually
cries herself to sleep in the arms of whoever is caring
for her and whimpers in her sleep. She usually refuses
the bottle. It breaks my heart.
I will be going back to work part-time in about a month.
Any suggestions on how to make this easier on both of us?
Any one with similar experiences?
Aya
Whether it was from Colorful Mamas or from friends, I got all kinds of great advice and/or just words of support about this. Mamas told me their tricks on getting a picky breastfeeder onto the bottle. I heard from mamas who had the exact same problems and how they just had to move forward and deal with it. Mamas shared how they spoke to their babies about how things were going to happen, why they had to go to work and when they would go back and swore that babies somehow understood. Papas told me about how you gotta just let it go. Mamas told me to really appreciate this time since it's just a short phase and before you know it your baby will be jumping out of your arms to play. Parents always say attachment is a good thing.
We made the transition slowly. I encouraged Benji to spend more time with Soluna. I did start trying to explain to her what was happening. I think she's starting to get it. She got more comfortable with Benji weeks ago and...
when I came home on Monday, my parents were smiling & Soluna was smiling and eating peaches. They were having a great time. AND she did her little "happy dance" when she saw me. She kicks her legs a few times and reaches out for me while smiling big! I love it. I'm sure we'll have more days of anxiety in the coming months, but Monday was a really good day. I started part-time work two weeks ago and Soluna has been staying with my parents, my inlaws or my husband. It's usually for a few hours at a time. She has had less and less anxiety and fewer tears.
I better knock on wood and hope that this continues.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
happy birthday, love!
As a mama of color, I know we don't always give due props to our partners in life, especially if our partners are men. In figuring out who we are as women, how we want to live in this world and how we want to raise our children, we are left with lots of high... high... high expectations of our men. This can lead to lots of frustration and very little appreciation. I mean, patriarchy doesn't get dismantled overnight, it's a process for everyone. Men don't have the same motherly instincts. And, we just gotta relax a little.
So I want to wish my love, Benji, a very beautiful and happy birthday (on the eve of his day). Thank you for stepping it up these past 6 and a half months and taking this amazing journey with me and our little Soluna. Thank you for striving to be a better papi and partna.
Thank you for...
... rubbing my feet whenever I ask because they are tired from walking or rocking.
... buying me ice-cream, no questions asked.
... dancing with me, even when I say I don't want to.
... cracking jokes, even when I don't feel like laughing and you think you're talking to yourself.
... making Soluna smile bigger and bigger and laugh louder and louder each day.
... the nights when I just couldn't breastfeed any longer, couldn't stay up a minute more and you rocked her and rocked her and held her close without any questions.
... working full-time so that I have the opportunity to stay home more with Soluna.
... believing in me on those days when I don't.
... being unbeliveable supportive throughout my entire labor.
... saying that you wish you had boobs so you can breastfeed Soluna when I'm tired.
... always choosing us, never giving up on us and reminding me that we have no other options but each other.
... encouraging me to continue to have big dreams and actually believing that they are going to happen.
... encouraging all the fads that I bring into my life.
... relaxing into fatherhood and reminding me that I need to do the same.
I love you. Happy 30th Birthday!! ... jajaja... Okay, just kidding... Happy 29th Birthday! To many more years of birthdays, laughter and joy.
I am so lucky.
So I want to wish my love, Benji, a very beautiful and happy birthday (on the eve of his day). Thank you for stepping it up these past 6 and a half months and taking this amazing journey with me and our little Soluna. Thank you for striving to be a better papi and partna.
Thank you for...
... rubbing my feet whenever I ask because they are tired from walking or rocking.
... buying me ice-cream, no questions asked.
... dancing with me, even when I say I don't want to.
... cracking jokes, even when I don't feel like laughing and you think you're talking to yourself.
... making Soluna smile bigger and bigger and laugh louder and louder each day.
... the nights when I just couldn't breastfeed any longer, couldn't stay up a minute more and you rocked her and rocked her and held her close without any questions.
... working full-time so that I have the opportunity to stay home more with Soluna.
... believing in me on those days when I don't.
... being unbeliveable supportive throughout my entire labor.
... saying that you wish you had boobs so you can breastfeed Soluna when I'm tired.
... always choosing us, never giving up on us and reminding me that we have no other options but each other.
... encouraging me to continue to have big dreams and actually believing that they are going to happen.
... encouraging all the fads that I bring into my life.
... relaxing into fatherhood and reminding me that I need to do the same.
I love you. Happy 30th Birthday!! ... jajaja... Okay, just kidding... Happy 29th Birthday! To many more years of birthdays, laughter and joy.
I am so lucky.
"Is she sleeping through the night?"
New mamas and papas will always get this question again and again and again: "Is she sleeping through the night?" After reading several baby books, I have learned that sleeping through the night actually means sleeping 5 or more hours straight.
Yes, Soluna sleeps through some nights. Other nights, not so much.
And then comes the biggest sleep training debate: Should you let your baby cry it out? -- For the non-baby savvy, crying it out is leaving your baby in her crib or bassinet awake so that she can self-soothe to sleep. This usually means your baby will cry until she is so tired she will fall asleep and, hopefully, eventually learn how to fall asleep crying less often or not at all. There are versions of the crying out method where you go into the room to check on your baby at different intervals and soothe her for a certain amount of time and then leave again.
Alright, maybe I am a (overly) sensitive mama, but the thought of this breaks my heart. Could I ever leave Soluna crying?? ... NO!
So we have been happily rocking her/brestfeeding her/putting her in the sling to sleep now for ... her entire life. I say happily, but I know that there have been nights we have struggled, when an overly stimulated Soluna has cried and cried in our arms until falling asleep hours later or when she just tossed and turned in bed pulling my nipple with her as she fought off sleep.
I tried some methods from The No Cry Sleep Solution, another book that seems to be recommended by all kinds of mothers. This book is kind of a balance between "attachment parenting" and "crying it out." It offers a way to sleep train babies without mama or baby (or even daddy) tears. Soluna was sleeping at around 9 or 10PM and then waking up around 2-3 times at night and then starting her day at around 7 or 8AM. We thought she might need a little more sleep so we tried some suggestions in the book when Soluna was about 4 and a half months.
The book said that babies are usually ready to sleep at around 6:30-7PM. So we started a night time routine to wind Soluna down which consisted of washing her with a washcloth, changing her diaper, changing her into PJs, and reading her a book. Supposedly this will eventually help cue her for bedtime. I would still have to breastfeed her to sleep and/or my husband would put her into a sling and rock her to sleep. We tried this for over a week and it messed with Soluna's previous sleeping schedule. She was waking up more times at night and was ready to play by 6AM. Which was not fun for mama or papi!
So we asked ourselves one important question: Were things really that bad?
And the answer was... No. We co-sleep, so I didn't really mind waking up as long as I could just roll over, she could eat and we could fall asleep snuggling. I actually liked it. So then, why was it so important for us to get her to sleep earlier? So for now, we're putting sleep training on hold.
Mama Note: I want to say that I am not hating on other choices parents make on how to put their baby to sleep. Parenting is about survival and you do what you need to do to remain sane. These are the decisions we are making as we go.. things might be different in 2 more months, when she is 1 years old or even next week.
Yes, Soluna sleeps through some nights. Other nights, not so much.
And then comes the biggest sleep training debate: Should you let your baby cry it out? -- For the non-baby savvy, crying it out is leaving your baby in her crib or bassinet awake so that she can self-soothe to sleep. This usually means your baby will cry until she is so tired she will fall asleep and, hopefully, eventually learn how to fall asleep crying less often or not at all. There are versions of the crying out method where you go into the room to check on your baby at different intervals and soothe her for a certain amount of time and then leave again.
Alright, maybe I am a (overly) sensitive mama, but the thought of this breaks my heart. Could I ever leave Soluna crying?? ... NO!
So we have been happily rocking her/brestfeeding her/putting her in the sling to sleep now for ... her entire life. I say happily, but I know that there have been nights we have struggled, when an overly stimulated Soluna has cried and cried in our arms until falling asleep hours later or when she just tossed and turned in bed pulling my nipple with her as she fought off sleep.
I tried some methods from The No Cry Sleep Solution, another book that seems to be recommended by all kinds of mothers. This book is kind of a balance between "attachment parenting" and "crying it out." It offers a way to sleep train babies without mama or baby (or even daddy) tears. Soluna was sleeping at around 9 or 10PM and then waking up around 2-3 times at night and then starting her day at around 7 or 8AM. We thought she might need a little more sleep so we tried some suggestions in the book when Soluna was about 4 and a half months.
The book said that babies are usually ready to sleep at around 6:30-7PM. So we started a night time routine to wind Soluna down which consisted of washing her with a washcloth, changing her diaper, changing her into PJs, and reading her a book. Supposedly this will eventually help cue her for bedtime. I would still have to breastfeed her to sleep and/or my husband would put her into a sling and rock her to sleep. We tried this for over a week and it messed with Soluna's previous sleeping schedule. She was waking up more times at night and was ready to play by 6AM. Which was not fun for mama or papi!
So we asked ourselves one important question: Were things really that bad?
And the answer was... No. We co-sleep, so I didn't really mind waking up as long as I could just roll over, she could eat and we could fall asleep snuggling. I actually liked it. So then, why was it so important for us to get her to sleep earlier? So for now, we're putting sleep training on hold.
Mama Note: I want to say that I am not hating on other choices parents make on how to put their baby to sleep. Parenting is about survival and you do what you need to do to remain sane. These are the decisions we are making as we go.. things might be different in 2 more months, when she is 1 years old or even next week.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
our j.w. homies...
So Soluna and I have some Jehovah's Witness friends that come by each week. They are these two sweet, older African American women who caught me at home with Soluna several months ago. They started by coming by every few weeks and now it seems like they come by every week. I don't have the heart to tell them to not bother especially since all they do is ask if we can read a bible verse together and talk about it briefly. I am a practicing Catholic and it has taken me a long time to say that about my religion. I figure, nothing bad can happen from chatting civily to two strangers about the bible. Maybe people should be talking about religion and spirituality more often, especially if you know your beliefs might not match up. And, they seem harmless.
They have totally been peaking my interest lately and probably not in any way they want too. I guess Jehovah's Witnesses believe that something really bad is going to happen to the world soon. They haven't gone into specifics, but they think that things are going to get worse in the world and this darkness will lead to some sort of world-wide transformation and then people will be able to sow their own land, own their own home, be healed from sickness, etc. Now, I LOVE end of the world stories whether in a movie or book. So I am actually excited to hear how this will go down and I am secretly hoping that it has some kind of Octavia Butler flair to it.
And this relates to mama-ology... mostly because religion and spirituality have been creeping into my life in so many different ways since I've been a mother... whether it's a reminder from a friend in email, the new people that have come into my life who have been more outwardly spiritual, or in preparation for Soluna's baptism.
And every day I ask myself: What is it that I really want for little Soluna? What are my hopes for her?... And the most important hope is that she loves and believes in herself and at the same time loves and believes in something greater than herself whether it be family, community or religion/spirituality. All other hopes and dreams are situational.
They have totally been peaking my interest lately and probably not in any way they want too. I guess Jehovah's Witnesses believe that something really bad is going to happen to the world soon. They haven't gone into specifics, but they think that things are going to get worse in the world and this darkness will lead to some sort of world-wide transformation and then people will be able to sow their own land, own their own home, be healed from sickness, etc. Now, I LOVE end of the world stories whether in a movie or book. So I am actually excited to hear how this will go down and I am secretly hoping that it has some kind of Octavia Butler flair to it.
And this relates to mama-ology... mostly because religion and spirituality have been creeping into my life in so many different ways since I've been a mother... whether it's a reminder from a friend in email, the new people that have come into my life who have been more outwardly spiritual, or in preparation for Soluna's baptism.
And every day I ask myself: What is it that I really want for little Soluna? What are my hopes for her?... And the most important hope is that she loves and believes in herself and at the same time loves and believes in something greater than herself whether it be family, community or religion/spirituality. All other hopes and dreams are situational.
on a more practical food note...
Today I made my first batches of baby food. I had practically been preparing Soluna's food at each meal. This meant, she ended up eating a lot of avocados. Avocados, I think, are the easiest baby food because all you gotta do is wait until it's ripe, cut it open, scoop the goods out, mash/stir and serve. Avocados are especailly good for healthy baby brain development and my sister says that her Brazilian friends say that it's perfect for fattening babies up!
So anyways, I finally got Soluna's baby food cups in the mail. I made a run to Berkeley Bowl (another hippie mama thing to do) and started making batches of pear and sweet potato baby food. I mean seperately, not together. It was hella easy.
I just steamed the pears (20 minutes) and sweet potatoes (40 minutes). Peeled and cut them up. Popped them into the blender. Pureed them until they were the right consistency. The sweet potatoes needed a little bit of water. And... Tada! Homemade, Super Baby Food. I scooped out the puree into the food cups I bought and popped them into the fridge.
We kept one of the pear cups out for Soluna to try.. not her favorite! I think this might be her first food rejection. But, we're going to try it again in a few days.
So anyways, I finally got Soluna's baby food cups in the mail. I made a run to Berkeley Bowl (another hippie mama thing to do) and started making batches of pear and sweet potato baby food. I mean seperately, not together. It was hella easy.
I just steamed the pears (20 minutes) and sweet potatoes (40 minutes). Peeled and cut them up. Popped them into the blender. Pureed them until they were the right consistency. The sweet potatoes needed a little bit of water. And... Tada! Homemade, Super Baby Food. I scooped out the puree into the food cups I bought and popped them into the fridge.
We kept one of the pear cups out for Soluna to try.. not her favorite! I think this might be her first food rejection. But, we're going to try it again in a few days.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
gerber vs. homemade baby food
So last weekend as I was mashing avocados at a diner while eating breakfast with my in-laws, my suegra asked why we weren't feeding Soluna Gerber baby food. She said it was made especially for babies. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. Unfortunately, "No habla Espanol!" ... I know, I suck. I really wish that I hadn't made the horrible decision to learn German in high school. Now, I am at a conversational disadvantage. I am reliant on Benji's translations that often come way after the conversation is over, sometimes in the car on the way home, or don't happen at all if he doesn't feel like it or doesn't want me to know what the heck is going on.
In response to the Gerber question, that I was pretty ready to answer, Benji must have mumbled something about how it was cheaper to make homemade food. Which is true, but only part of the reason why we have chosen to make our own food. Okay, not to bust out my Super Baby Food book again, but fresh homemade baby foods will always have fresh ingredients, will not contain extra salt or preservatives and is more food and less water. I found more information on this topic right here.
The other night I dragged Benji to Manzanita Restaurant, which is literally around the corner from our home. It's a macrobiotic vegan spot and I REALLY love it. I forgot how good a plain steamed sweet carrot tasted or how mung beans can be so rich in flavor. We have become so out of touch from the simple pleasures of simple foods. It is so nice and refreshing to have a plate full of food that hasn't been overly spiced or overly processed. My point is... Why can't it be natural to eat less food from boxes and jars? Shouldn't we all be eating more "whole foods" and wouldn't it be nice to see real fruits and vegetables more often? Especially for our littlest ones, isn't it better to go more natural. I think this is how it should be for me and for Soluna... and Benji, if he wants.
Lifestyle changes. God help me, I'm becoming a brown hippie! (More about my hippie-ness later. I have some mama confessions.)
GERBER
VS.
HOMEMADE
okay, neither looks appetizing... but you gotta taste for yourself!
In response to the Gerber question, that I was pretty ready to answer, Benji must have mumbled something about how it was cheaper to make homemade food. Which is true, but only part of the reason why we have chosen to make our own food. Okay, not to bust out my Super Baby Food book again, but fresh homemade baby foods will always have fresh ingredients, will not contain extra salt or preservatives and is more food and less water. I found more information on this topic right here.
The other night I dragged Benji to Manzanita Restaurant, which is literally around the corner from our home. It's a macrobiotic vegan spot and I REALLY love it. I forgot how good a plain steamed sweet carrot tasted or how mung beans can be so rich in flavor. We have become so out of touch from the simple pleasures of simple foods. It is so nice and refreshing to have a plate full of food that hasn't been overly spiced or overly processed. My point is... Why can't it be natural to eat less food from boxes and jars? Shouldn't we all be eating more "whole foods" and wouldn't it be nice to see real fruits and vegetables more often? Especially for our littlest ones, isn't it better to go more natural. I think this is how it should be for me and for Soluna... and Benji, if he wants.
Lifestyle changes. God help me, I'm becoming a brown hippie! (More about my hippie-ness later. I have some mama confessions.)
GERBER
VS.
HOMEMADE
okay, neither looks appetizing... but you gotta taste for yourself!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
mama rage part II
Benji protests loudly when reading previous post: How was he supposed to know that the purple sling was in our dark bedroom?
Baby wakes up. Starts Crying.
Baby wakes up. Starts Crying.
sleepy mama rage
Alright, I have always gone crazy on folks who have woken me up while I'm asleep. That's just who I am. But when you're a mama, no matter how loco you want to get on someone, it's your job, your joy to get up to take care of baby. Now after 6 months of truncated sleep, even though things are relatively "hella better" then the first few weeks when it seemed like we were waking up every hour or less, I think this sleep schedule is playing with my emotions and my body.
After taking care of a somewhat fussy Soluna by myself for 12 hours, as soon as Benji got home I was ready to pass her off. I tried to breastfeed her to sleep and she wanted to play with daddy so he took her into the living room while I was ready for a much needed nap. And I woke up to her whining in the other room. It hadn't even been an hour. I was ready to bite Ben's head off. RAGE MamaAya, watch out!
He swore up and down that she had just started whining, that he had just changed her diaper and she started, but I woke up with the feeling that he had let her whine the entire time I was asleep and I had gotten no rest. I, in my sleeping state, always want to just grab her and put her to my boob so she can doze off. But this didn't work, especially since I spent the time multi-tasking: shooting Benji the "I'm fucking pissed off that I didn't get any sleep and you couldn't take care of the baby for 30 minutes"-look while Soluna drank at my breast, poor thing (Benji and Soluna). I eventually asked him to take her back and he drove her to Can't Fail to pick us up some dinner. When he got home, he put her in the sling (that he didn't want to find during her 30 minutes of whining) and she was asleep. I ended up getting at least an hour and a half of sleep. Now I feel as "refreshed" as ever, if that means anything anymore. Sigh.
After taking care of a somewhat fussy Soluna by myself for 12 hours, as soon as Benji got home I was ready to pass her off. I tried to breastfeed her to sleep and she wanted to play with daddy so he took her into the living room while I was ready for a much needed nap. And I woke up to her whining in the other room. It hadn't even been an hour. I was ready to bite Ben's head off. RAGE MamaAya, watch out!
He swore up and down that she had just started whining, that he had just changed her diaper and she started, but I woke up with the feeling that he had let her whine the entire time I was asleep and I had gotten no rest. I, in my sleeping state, always want to just grab her and put her to my boob so she can doze off. But this didn't work, especially since I spent the time multi-tasking: shooting Benji the "I'm fucking pissed off that I didn't get any sleep and you couldn't take care of the baby for 30 minutes"-look while Soluna drank at my breast, poor thing (Benji and Soluna). I eventually asked him to take her back and he drove her to Can't Fail to pick us up some dinner. When he got home, he put her in the sling (that he didn't want to find during her 30 minutes of whining) and she was asleep. I ended up getting at least an hour and a half of sleep. Now I feel as "refreshed" as ever, if that means anything anymore. Sigh.
gunshots in the distance
It's a little past midnight and I'm sitting in my living room, I just heard gunshots in the distance. A few weeks after Soluna was born, there was a shooting a few houses down from us and we were home to hear it all. This year, there have been 3 recorded murders within a 4 block radius.
Do we really want to raise Soluna in Oakland?
Do we really want to raise Soluna in Oakland?
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