5 Favorites of a Toddler in NYC

To take full advantage of Ben's (f)un-employment and to celebrate my 30th birthday, we took a last minute trip to NYC. Okay, let's be REAL. Soluna "left" her legs in California. She didn't walk anywhere and we were struggling to carry her up and down subway steps. She didn't even want to be in her Ergo which meant our arms got really ripped that week. So maybe Manhattan isn't the most kid-friendly place in terms of transportation (especially with a cranky almost 2 year old who doesn't like strollers)...

But, if you are traveling to New York with a toddler there are some really great places to go. Here are our top 5 things to do with a Toddler in Manhattan:

1) Children's Museum of Manhattan: Soluna sung and danced during story time, played on a NYC firetruck, checked out the Dora exhibit, climbed, etc. Luckily all the grandparents gave her some spending money. We spent $10 each to go to the CMOM, but it was well worth it.

2) Diana Ross Playground: The safety standards in NYC playgrounds are a little lax compared to those in California... making this playground in Central Park AWESOME! Kids can swing, climb, chase, balance, slide, etc. It's right on West 81st Street in Central Park and with it's close proximity to Turtle Pond, The Museum of Natural History, Belvedere Castle... it's a great place to take a break so your kids can unwind and, hopefully, get tired enough for a nap!

3) Books of Wonder: GREAT bookstore where we got Soluna her new favorite book, Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale, about a Brooklyn toddler who loses her bunny at the laundromat.

4) Any Subway Train: We might have hated climbing up subway steps with our extra 25lbs of love (aka Soluna), but she LOVED the subway. She loved the wind in her face when it zoomed by. She loved people watching and making new friends on the subway. She loved falling asleep while getting some su-su on the train.

5) Cafe Lalo: Okay, this is NOT the place for parents who want their kids to be sugar-free. BUT, it is the BEST place for parents who have a sweet tooth of their own. I had the Chocolate Indulgence, "the ultimate dessert made with pure Belgium chocolate, a flourless cake on our hommade fresh strawberry puree, topped with whipped cream and a splash of frangelico." Soluna had a scoop of vanila ice-cream. We were both in heaven.

Playground Politics: When kids hurt kids...

Technically, we weren't in the playground, we were at a pumpkin patch. After an hour of "swimming" in a corn kernal pool, maneuvering through a mini maze and checking out pumpkins in a real pumpkin patch, we were happily heading to our car with Soluna in a borrowed wagon. In the corner of my eye, I see a little kid run up behind her. I turn just in time to see this little kid grab Soluna's hair with force enough to jerk her head back. Ben saw also, and we still are unsure of the kids age. He says 4, I say 5-6. And he remembers the kid kinda yelling at her before doing it.

Ben and I now realize our mama and papa instincts became heightened. He sized up their family pretty much in a second and realizing there was no male with them to growl at tried to walk away as quickly as possible. I think he also puffed his chest and grunted. I grabbed Soluna immediately cradling her head and making sure she was okay. Luckily, she was more shocked then hurt or scared. But both Ben and I kept walking, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid hair-grabber or mom trying to apologize. We were shocked and safety/distance was on our mind. We think that maybe if they tried to get any closer, we may have been a lot more offensive.

On the walk to the car, I told Ben that the kid probably had some kind of mental illness or chemical imbalance. I mean, it wasn't like the kids were playing and things got rough. I feel like hair pulling comes with the territory when kids play. But to run up to a random much smaller kid that you don't know, yell and pull hair with force, that I have to say is in a very different category then normal rough housing.

So really, what should they have done as parents? What should we have done? Should we have made the little hair-grabber apologize? And, if this kid actually had some kind of disability or not, at the playground if a kid is randomly violent to another kid then what do you do?

* * *
Without a huge blog following, I decided to post the question to ColorfulMamas, the mamas group I am a part of. Surprisingly, the responses that came back were about how their kids were on the side of the hair-puller as biters, bullies, etc. It's all part of children's development. I realize now that we should have stopped to talk to the parents, to not assume that the kid had disabilities, to give the mama and the kid a chance to apologize. It's a more communal way of handling problems that arise between kids. By leaving, we didn't really teach Soluna anything about getting a long better with other people or about living in a real community.

Try! Try!

It is hard for me to believe that my little baby is actually a little girl now. This realization only comes when I hold a tiny newborn, look down at him and know in my heart that at this moment he will not talk back to me or grab my susu and proclaim "Mine!" Soluna speaks some complete sentences including, "I love susu!" and "Where are you?" She dances to music and is trying to sing her own songs. She has yet to learn that my family and Ben's family have never had a singer and is pretty much tone deaf.

But with these little milestones of childhood, my mama senses have become a little more alert to the push-and-pulls of motherhood, the funny little dance we all do to get our children ready for adulthood, ready to be good people, ready to take initiative in their life. Soluna has learned two very important and powerful words: help and please. Said together by a little girl, the two word always lead to immediate action by any adult in the vicinity. But only a mama would notice that the words have been used unnecessarily with a very very short and minor struggle trying to get a toy in the right position.

I'm beginning to slow down my response, follow-up with an encouraging, "You can do it! Try! Try!" And she has stepped up more times then not to do whatever she is trying to get done and we celebrate all her small victories with claps and cheers. I have to remember this whenever something in life seems a little harder than it should. At times she also says, "Yay! Mommy!"

Playground Politics: The Aggressively Gentle Mom and Daughter

I keep telling everyone that I want to write an article about playground politics. I have a lot of "observations" but have no idea what I would be trying to get at in such an article. I don't think there are specific rules that kids or parents need to follow and I'm not yet convinced that the playground is a microcosm of the real world, although I still think race/class/gender are neat to observe in playground interactions.

Even without a thesis, let me just share one of my observations for today. Soluna and I went to Willard Park in Berkeley. Soluna and, apparently a lot of other children, love this orange car that has a roof and door. She had been eyeing it since we got the park and when a little girl with a strawberry dress left it, Soluna ran over to claim it. As soon as she got close the girl, who was probably about her age, turned around and starting pushing Soluna away saying "No!" Soluna started to whine and the mom noticed their little interaction.

At this point, Soluna, obviously had no interest in this little girl or her mom. But the mom thought it was the appropriate time to teach her daughter to be "gentle." So she told her daughter, "Be gentle. Gentle. Gentle." while grabbing her hand and trying to get her to stroke Soluna gently. Normally, I've seen this work and have done it with Soluna (usually before and not after she's already pushed someone). Soluna, like I sad, had no interest in them and kept shaking her head and saying no. She grabbed onto my leg to get behind me. But the mom was adamant to teach her daughter gentle and regardless of the obvious "Get the hell away from me!" body language the two of them continued to approach her to stroke her "gently."

Come on mamas and papas? What would you like to teach your kids more: to touch other kids gently or to not touch kids that don't want to be touched?!?!

Anyways, I thought it was interesting and crazy. The mom did turn to me after the little episode and said, "Sorry. We're kinda crazy about these things." ... and if I wasn't so puzzled and taken back about what she had just done, I should have said, "Yea. Crazy is the word I would use."

What is this? What is it that I can say about this? Are there rules to interactions? Do parents just have to be better socialized themselves?

Hello, again...

someone said that the short baby boom was over. Apparently, my friends did not get the memo. There have been so many new baby posts on facebook and more babies on the way to count. I have a little bit of an itch to have our second, but I keep thinking about how nice it is to have just Soluna and I together during the day. Things are finally starting to feel a little easier and we've been laughing, playing and exploring together more without as many little baby issues to worry about.

Ben and I feel blessed every day to have Soluna in our lives. She has such a big personality. She makes little jokes (like some of her actions are specifically made to make us laugh). She giggles uncontrollably at times. She enjoys good food. At a wedding this past weekend, she took a break from cake to run to the dance floor and boogie. She kisses me all over, just because. And, she's the sweetest to little babies. Yet, she is still her fiesty, demanding self, which I hope will transfer to a passion to get what she wants out of life.

I love her.

Here she is with a grease high on our trip to North Carolina after eating hush puppies, ribs, fried corn on the cobb, and sweet potato fries:

"happy papi!"

Happy Papi's Day, Benji!!

Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night when in the dark we hear a little, but loud voice say "Agua, please. Agua!" over and over again. Thank you for having infectuous belly laughs. Thank you for taking care of the heavy stuff. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for being reliable. Thank you for supporting mama dreams even if they change from day to day.

We love you!

Is 7 the lucky number?

My mom has been telling me and everyone else that I plan on breastfeeding Soluna until she is 7. It's kind of her "joke" but she is continually trying to discourage me and Soluna from continuing our nursing relationship. She flat out says to Soluna "Why are you still breastfeeding? You're not a baby anymore!" She tells me that my breasts are going to be down to my knees. Great! I asked my Inang (my mom's mom) how long she breastfed her kids (all 8 of them) and she said around 1-2 years, except my Uncle Alex that breastfed until he was 7. That's where my mom got the number 7. It does not matter that Soluna is still in that 1-2 years stage, my mom insists that it's time to stop. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to her. Actually Ben's grandma also said she breastfed her youngest until an age where she came home from school and breastfed. I think it's our mamas' generation that actually decided to stop earlier and, interestingly, I think it was part of their "Americanization" although I bet neither my mom or Ben's mom would admit it.

With that said, I am posting a link to a blog post that cites some research that concludes that the longer you breastfeed the higher your kids GPA will be and the more likely they will go to college. I think research like this is kind of funny because a) there is no way to prove breastfeeding relates specifically to the two outcomes, and b) you can prove almost anything by the way you set-up your experiment. But, I still like to see this research... because maybe it is true... and that would be nice.

words words words

Soluna has been talking, talking, talking. I love it. Here are a few things she's saying pretty regularly:

mom, mommy, papi, papa, lolo, lola, apong, abuelo, abuela, dog, ball, cat, duck, quack, go, walk, outside, inside, aqua, please, thank you, excuse me, wow, owie, lali, jair, baby, kids, play, head, eyes, hand, nose, socks, shoes, susu, hurry, faster, up, down, ice cream, cookie, katie, two, mango, avocado, go, bed, pee pee, caca, bird, butterfly, uh oh, mine, book, num-num (hungry), emma, pizza, hat, Giants!

And there's so much more she understands!

the Big Box

Toni Morrison wrote this children's book entitled the Big Box. I found it when I was in college and bought it under the assumption that some day I would have kids and I would want to have a cool library of books that were multi-cultural and ethnic studies-ish. I found it in my parents garage a few weekends ago and re-read it. Soluna is definitely not ready for it. But it's pretty deep and a great parent read. It's about three kids who adults feel "can't handle their freedom" so they put them in a box and give them things to appease them. I would love to talk to other parents who have read it.

"'But I comb my hair and I don't do drugs
And every day I vacuum the rugs.
I feed the hamster and water the plants
And once a week I hang up my pants
If owls can scream
And rabbits hop
And beavers chew trees when they need' em
Why can't I be a kid like me
Who doesn't have to handle his freedom?
I know you are smart and I know that you think
You're doing what is best for me.
But if freedom is handled just your way
Then it's not my freedom or free.'"

Save Your Pennies!

While I haven't been posting lately, I have been discovering some interesting ways to get things for cheap or for free. We spent a lot of money nesting before Soluna's birth, not knowing that there are a lot of resources to get slightly used items for cheap or for free. So Bay Area parents save yourselves some money and check out these resources for free or cheap baby supplies (and you can get other things too):

* Craigslist.org -- Ok, duh. If you haven't checked craigslist for a new apartment, a new job or a sale at least once in the past 5 years, I don't know what planet you've been living on. We were able to find a carseat attachment thingy for our stroller and an extra carseat base for $5 each.

* Berkeley Parents Network -- For those in the San Francisco Bay Area you can sign-up to recieve emails from Berkeley Parents Network. They do a Marketplace email once a week with things people are giving away for free or trying to sell for a reduced price: maternity clothes, co-sleepers, baby slings, toys, cars (adult cars), etc. We were able to get an IKEA sofa bed for FREE, a nice clean one, for our extra bedroom. I see a bunch of things I bought new for full price on there and it annoys me every time. For our next kid, I'm definitely checkin' the emails for all our supplies.

* Freecycle -- I'm kind of new to freecycle, but basically you sign-up for a group in your area and get emails on things people are offering free or things people are looking for for free. I was able to give away some of our clutter through freecycle, but I've been seeing a bunch of kid and baby items posted for free. You can just reply to emails and folks usually leave the items on their porch for you to pick-up. It's FREE!! Why not check it out?!

* Yard Sales and Rummage Sales -- I haven't checked these out yet, but I need to. My mom found two cute little chairs for Soluna for 50 cents each. And she LOVES them! If you do sign-up for the Berkeley Parents Network emails, the Marketplace emails have listings in the area. And you can just keep an eye out for signs on the weekend.

* Clothing Swaps -- I went to a few parties of friends where folks bring clothes and accessories to swap. So just invite your friends over, have a little potluck and organize a little "store" where folks can exchange their old clothes or their baby's old clothes for something they need.

A Little Reader

About two months ago Soluna got really into books. It started with making Ben and I read her favorite book Pio Peep! over and over and over again. After memorizing ALL her books, I realized it was time to head to the nearest Oakland Library to get new books and to attend storytime. Click here for a calendar of Oakland Libary events.

Here are a few of her new favorite books. A lot of which have little brown kids!

longtime no write

I have about 5 posts that I am trying to complete about things like playground politics, grandparents and clean water, but my mommy brain can't seem to type out what I'm trying to say or figure out what I "really" think about each of these subjects. So I just want to let you know that I'm here and I'm busy thinking as I push Soluna in a swing at the park or help her to chase pigeons.

But don't forget to check-out Soluna's latest post.

Foot in Mouth Disease

Worst 10 Things You Could Say to A Woman with Kids
Whether you can tell she's the mama or not

10. Are you babysitting?
9. Is it yours?
8. You really shouldn't be letting your kid [fill-in-what-your-kid-is-doing-here].
7. She doesn't look like you at all!!
6. Your baby has really nice [fill-in-body-part-here]... He must get those from his dad.
5. WHOA! He's SOOOOOO HUGE! or ... WHOA! She's SOOOOOO TINY!
4. Good thing your baby doesn't have your [fill-in-body-part-here].
3. Your kid is so [fill-in-undesireable-trait-here], my kid was very [fill-in-opposite-of-undesireable-trait here]!
2. Should you be doing personal errands while "on duty"?
1. Are those your kids? They have different dads, right?

Soluna's Mood this Month

molars. stuffy nose. cough. fever.

Uprooted! Families of Color and the Housing Crisis

Check out my post on the collaborative ColorfulMamas Blog!

ending hunger... one boobie at a time..

Salma Hayek is awesome! Mamas/Babies sharing milk! What a beautiful thing. I read a blog entry about this a few months back that talks about the culture of sharing milk from ElementalMom.

Would you breatfeed another mama's baby? Would you share your milk?

14 Kids? Do you really think you can judge??

"What would possess a family where's there's a husband and wife to want 12 kids or 18 kids? That's just what they feel is meaningful to them. Their family. Expanding a family. It's an amazing thing. I do believe that children are all blessings from god. And I feel it's all positive, it's positive experience. You know, I don't like to dwell on any of the negative. And - a lot of people do." - Nadya Suleman

When the story broke that a woman in Southern California gave birth to octuplets I was amazed. I couldn't imagine carrying 2 little babies in my belly, let alone 8. I was tired enough with just little 6lb 13oz Soluna sucking my nutrients and energy for 9 months. When the media started to dig a little deeper they learned that Nadya Suleman already had 6 children, that she was a single mother, a woman of color and had no steady income. She was using student loans, disability and food stamps to provide for her little ones. The world shook its head, sounded a few "tsk"s and started to wag its finger at her. How dare she? ... right!?

I reserved judgement and sat on this story for a few weeks before blogging more. But after watching last night's interview on NBC, I am so mad and it's not at mama. Now don't think I full-heartedly advocate for people to make the choices she has made. I'm not sure about her mental stability. I don't believe in in vitro fertilization where more than 3 embryos are placed in a mamas womb and, if they all take, can lead to an unsafe number of babies and the recommendation to abort a few children (or as they say "selectively reduce"). And, I think in our pop-culture right now, babies are "in" and mamas are jumpin' on the fad without second thought. Brangelina are doing it, why not you?

But her choices are her choices and the universe has a way of finding balance and teaching lessons for all those to hear. What really gets me mad are the questions raised by Ann Curry, another woman of color, and what it tells about our society's assumptions about being a good mother.

A few of the Questions:
"People are not trying to judge you... What they're trying to do is, it seems, trying to speak up for your children, who can't speak up for themselves. Your children cannot say, 'What are you doing, Mom? What are you doing? My life, my future, is being affected by your decision.'"
"But how is it not selfish to bring children in the world that you cannot actually afford?"
"Some people feel that it is a problem if you are a single mother because there isn't a father. And children need a father"

Assumption #1: Unmarried/unattached women should not be moms. They need a breadwinner, preferably a male one.
Assumption #2: Moms should not go to school or use their student loans to pay for taking care of their children. They should find a job.
Assumption #3: Moms have no right to public aid to help take care of their children. They should do it on their own! Freeloaders!
Assumption #4: Moms should voluntarily abort embryos to make it "safer."
Assumption #5: If poor people can't afford children, they shouldn't have them.

I feel like I could write a whole thesis on this. I know that this list of assumptions don't give this discussion justice, but I just don't have the time to go into more details. I'm just saying, think twice before you judge another mama. Becoming a mama and the number of children you wish to have is such a spiritual and personal choice and we have no reason to judge from the sidelines. It is not too uncommon to have huge families with lots of children. Poor people have the right to raise children and, often, they do it better than rich people.

home sweet home

I am sad to write that last Friday our house was broken into. It didn't come as some major surprise. Our next door neighbors house was recently broken into and we had heard that a few neighbors on the street behind us and other neighbors down the block have had similar experiences. Two youth have teamed up to scout out the neighborhood, during the day while they probably should be in school. We luckily have great neighbors who have warned everyone about these incidents. One neighbor actually saw a kid riding in circles in front of our house and then, realizing he was about to break in, called the cops immediately. The cops rolled 7 squad cars deep and were there within 2 minutes of the call. The kids barely had a chance to steal anything, but did take the pocket watch I gave Ben as our wedding present and some piggy-bank change. They also threw a bunch of things around. We are very lucky and grateful.

A neighbor also alerted us to something that happened on our block: a drug bust. A BIG drug bust. As much as I love living in Oakland, when things like this happen... I always have to wonder if it's time to move. About a year ago, a young man was killed in his car about half a block down. A few months ago, we came home to a big DOJ truck in front of our house and, apparently, one of the rented units was a storage space for meth-making equipment.

worst toy of the year??

I am dreading the day that Soluna writes up her Christmas Wish List and a Bradtz Doll makes the top 5. Will she ask for a party in theme with the newest Disney movie? Will she see a TV commercial for fast food and ask to go over and over and over again until I take her?

I stumbled across an online vote for the worst toy of the year at Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. Seems like an interesting organization.

My personal favorite worst toy:

What if your daughter wanted to dress like that??

working mama

Since the beginning of December, I have been juggling two jobs, working over 40 hours a week from home, while taking care of Soluna almost full-time. To say the least, I am exhausted.

Last night, Ben decided to take Soluna to a Super Bowl party so she could hang with her cousin Cheo. I had a rare opportunity to just chat and do arts and crafts with some friends celebrating their birthdays. All was good and fun, until I headed home and Ben said Soluna was near a meltdown. By the time I got home she was fast asleep, but Ben still looked a little distraught. She had been crying inconsolably for at least half an hour.

She woke up screaming an hour later. On all other days I just climb into bed with her, breastfeed and she gets lulled back to sleep. Last night was the total opposite. She basically screamed with her face all red and reached out for her papi. While I am happy that she is connecting with him more, it made me a little sad. She was mad at me in the only way a baby can be mad. She leaned on her papi in comfort and stared at me, distant. Earlier, I wasn't there when she needed me. Eventually, he passed her to me and I snuggled in bed with her and breastfed. She fell asleep and lay peaceful in my arms.

I have been so busy lately. Even though I spend time with her we are running from place to place. It's time to relax a little more and plan a little better. Luckily, one of my part-time jobs is just seasonal and is over in about a week. I don't know how full-time mamas can do it. I can't imagine going back to full-time work at this point. I wonder when it'll feel right or if it will ever.

I can't give enough praise to the amazing mamas that work long hours to come home to care for their families and maintain such a strong bond with their children.

Soluna 5

It's been awhile since I shared some of the great milestones Soluna has made. So here are the top 5 exciting things Soluna can do. Okay top 5 mama brags.

1. Soluna can say "abuela." Benji swears she has a great accent. She's been saying a whole lot of things lately like mama, papa, num-num (for drinking milk, she made that up herself), lala for lola (some people says she says lolo and abuelo too but I haven't heard it) aqua, etc.

2. Soluna repeats after me. We've been telling her to say things here and there. And, sometimes she repeats after us. She's said things that sound like umbrella, I love you, hippo... So fun! Gotta watch our potty mouth though.

3. Soluna can stand. Okay, she's been standing for a while now, but she does it with so much sense of accomplishment. When I say "hands up" she throws her hands up and looks around. Then she sits her booty back down.

4. Soluna can sip from a cup by herself. Yes, she can do a sippy cup. But she can also just take a little ikea plastic cup with water and drink it herself.

5. Soluna can feed herself. She's always been eating on her own, but lately she's been getting so much better with her utensils. It's awesome.

Family in Vallejo? -- Visit Children's Wonderland

These sunny winter days are getting a little scary. I mean, I could have worn shorts and flip-flops to the park today. Soluna and I went to celebrate her cousin Erica's 2nd Birthday at Children's Wonderland in Vallejo. We have had family living in Vallejo for YEARS and had never even heard of this park. It is the perfect place for tots and Soluna loved it. There are different themed play areas: sand pit with dinosaurs, tea party slide, swing sets, traditional playground, train playground and firetruck area. Soluna personally loved the sand pit, she got to watch the older kids build forts to stop the running water. She jumped right in and was a dirty mess! But she was so happy.

Other things to know: free street parking. lots of picnic tables. $2 for admission but free for babies under 2. would be a great place to have a birthday party!
I forgot my camera, but my cousin said she would email me them. So pics to come!

Proof: Dirt don't hurt!

(A picture from a few months ago of Soluna playing at the park with hella dirt on her face and clothes!)

I am not the kind of mama that keeps her baby clean with sanitizer, wet wipes and the constant taking away of things and experiences to avoid the grime. I put clean clothes on Soluna, wash her hands at transitional points during the day, give her a bath at least every other day and carry around a wipe for her nose or face whenever it's needed. But I will let her PLAY in dirt, in sand, on grass... practically anywhere. I let her pick up things, even when they might go in her mouth. I take things away once they are in there, but I want her to explore, be curious, and experiment. I think the constant taking away and fear of germs on mama's part can hinder that playful and smart baby spirit.

Apparently dirt does more for babies than mamas and papas think. There was a recent article in the New York Times entitled "Babies Know: A Little Dirt is Good for You." The article talks about how all instinctive behaviors have an evolutionary advantage built in. There is a "hygiene hypothesis" being studied by researchers that claims that organisms like bacteria, viruses and worms that enter the body along with dirt helps to develop a healthy immune system. Researchers are even going so far as saying that worms redirect an out of wack immune system that has allergies, asthma or an autoimmune disorder. The early exposure to dirt helps babies immune systems learn to react. In ultra-clean environments, babies immune systems don't have the opportunity to learn to react appropriately. Dirt for thought.

Chicken Pox parties?

There was one thing I failed to mention about Soluna's 1 year appointment.

Don't call CPS on me, but when the Dr. told me to go straight to the 11th floor after our appointment to get Soluna the 4 scheduled vaccinations, I didn't do it. Instead we went downstairs, paid for parking, got into my car and headed home. I am not that hippie mama who decides her kid needs no vaccinations, but I got nervous and a little scared. Since Soluna was born, I felt this need to make things as natural as possible. In earlier blog posts I write about wanting to buy organic, choosing not to wear deodorant, and just saying "no" to formula. Vaccinations are just another unnatural thing that they tell us are good for our children, but just doesn't feel right to me.

Soluna is due for 4 vaccinations. Well it's 4 shots, 6 vaccinations: Mumps/Measles/Rubella, Hepatitis A, Flu and Chicken Pox. It's the last two that made me raise my eyebrows and sent me home to ask my husband what he thought about it first. We both had the flu plenty of times and know that we both had the chicken pox, but hardly even remember it. Why are we vaccinating ourselves for sicknesses that, for the most part, aren't so serious that generations of people just dealt with? Apparently, I am not the only one who questions this.

In a recent article in the New York Post explores the world of mamas who forgo some vaccinations and decide to have chicken pox parties to expose their kids to another sick kid. Kids fight off the chicken pox and gain good old-fashioned lifetime immunity.

What it boils down to is that, folks that trust "the system" are fine with vaccinations. They stay on schedule and don't think twice. But, when you come from a family and community that has often been screwed over by "the system" you start to question things and, often, aren't given good enough answers to ease your worries. Soluna has and will get vaccinations, because I know about some of the possible public health ramifications. But chicken pox and the flu? Are they really necessary?

How do you make muddy water clear?

Today, I began my first session of a 5-week Beginning Meditation class entitled "Coming Into the Movement, Coming Home to Ourselves" at the East Bay Meditation Center in downtown Oakland.

The past year of motherhood has gone by so fast. I am lucky to get 5 minutes to myself to just sit and think or not think and breathe intentionally. I am always doing, or doing nothing. But all the time I am running so fast and it feels that my real self needs to catch up. There have been struggles emotionally and physically. And motherhood, although 10xs better than I thought it would be, is completely different than I expected. I did not anticipate that my life and perspective would be this way.

I believe in chance. And in all this struggle a few months ago a good friend moved up to the bay for just a few weeks and when we reconnected she told me about a people of color meditation night at the center. I went with her and although I wasn't able to go back it left me an impression of wanting or needing more. My life has something missing whether it is faith, practice or philosophy, I am not sure, but I am open to finding out what it is. I started getting emails from the EBMC and learned of this Beginning Class and felt I owed it to myself to carve in the time during my week to be open to new things.

After today's class, the woman next to me asked "So?" And I said, "I'm in the right place." She replied, "Yes, right time, right place."

How do you make muddy waters clear? ... Lately I have felt my life like muddy waters. Nothing dirty, just imagine a muddy tilapia pond in the Philippines.

To make muddy waters clear, you just let it sit. It is the stirring and movement that makes it muddy.

I have no expecations, but my intention is to take full advantage of this opportunity for myself and for my family. My intention is to let myself sit and seek clearer waters even if it's just for a moment.

he's not just a regular President...

he's a cool President.

(Obama dancing at the Youth Ball.)

the stats are in... and they're not pretty

The National Center for Health Statistics released a new report on January 7. Here are some facts highlighted in a New York Times article:

More babies were born in 2006 than in any year since 1961.

3 percent more Cesarean deliveries in 2006, a record high of 31.1 percent of all births.

Labor was induced in 22.5 percent of births, a slight increase over 2005 and double the rate of 1990.

The percentage of babies born at low weight rose to 8.3 percent, the highest in 40 years

This is ridiculous. Women's bodies were designed to give birth vaginally and in their own time. Although in a small percentage of cases Cesareans are necessary, for the most part they just 'cause unnecessary complications and pain for mama and are an outcome of a hospital system that is untrained to effectively help women give birth. And induction makes labor more painful, often slows down labor and leads to more medical interventions... This stuff makes me angry.

For more information on natural child birth, midwives and analysis of hospital labor/delivery practices here are a few resources:
Spiritual Midwifery -- a book by Ina May Gaskin, a well-known American midwife, with basic information for those interested in become a midwife and tons of "psychedelic" birth stories
The Business of Being Born -- a amazing documentary by Ricky Lake that is an introduction to the injustices of hospital labor/delivery practices and profiles a number of women choosing to give birth at home
Mothering Magazine -- a great magazine focused on natural family living with lots of articles and resources on pregnancy
Baby Catcher: Chronicles of A Modern Midwife -- a book of Peggy Vincent's experiences as a mid-wife in the Bay Area (a great read that helped relax me and Ben before giving birth to Soluna)

I believe that it is of great importance that women find the strength and courage to take control of the birth of their children and their birth as a mother, to not lay idle in this amazing rite of passage. Just this small act can transform our world. It all begins with babies.

got milk? .... what kind?

Soluna is 1 years old and in many parents and pediatricians calendars, it's time for cow's milk! Living in the Berkeley/Oakland area and being connected to non-mainstream mama circles through yoga and ColorfulMamas, it's interesting what baby-raising norms get questioned, challenged, and deconstructed.

Ben and I were raised as milk drinkers. Benji still sits down almost every night with a glass of milk and cookies. I, on the other hand, love milk and cereal every morning. We often get through a gallon of milk a week (with just the two of us)! We grew up with our carton of milk or chocolate milk on our lunch tray and sexy got milk? mustache adds. Until becoming a mom I had never even thought for a second that milk was anything but healthy mojo. But here are a few facts to make you wonder:

Milk consumption is the #1 cause of iron-deficiency in infants today according to the American Association of pediatrics.

Almost 90 percent of African Americans and most Latinos, Asians and Southern Europeans don't have the genes necessary to digest lactose.

60% of ear infections in kids under 6 years of age are milk-induced.

There is a $450 million a year industry creating lactose intolerance products.

Researchers from Johns Hopkins University to Harvard University are starting to link consumption of milk to prostate cancer, asthma, osteoporosis, and other health complications.

The Bovine Growth Hormone used in the US increases the cow's likelyhood to have pus in its udders because the hormone leads to mastities, a udder infection.

Hmmm... makes you wonder. My question is: How much is the milk industry in this country is worth?

Some Suggested Readings
Don't Drink Your Milk, Frank Oski, M.D. and Chairman of Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University
"White Poison", Shanti Rangwani of Colorlines Magazine
Recommendation from Dr. Sear
"Why we should think Twice about Milk", from the Blog WAVE of the Future

The Colorlines Article is particularly interesting because it talks about how milk may be okay for white people, but has many side effects for people of color. Since those affected are people of color, mainstream media has yet to pick up on the idea that milk might not be for everyone. Hiro, are you really not lactose intolerant? ahahha...

Anyhow, I do believe in balance and I don't think it's time to pull the plug on milk in this household. We will just limit our intake as parents and share milk every once in a while with Soluna. Dr. Sears suggests to make sure that calcium and fats are in any baby's diet so we'll definitely be feeding her cheese, yogurt and breastmilk!

grow! grow! grow!

Soluna had her one year appointment this week.

The stats: 19lbs 4oz, 28.5 inches long, 45.3cm around her head

Our doctor said she looked great, despite falling a little on the growth chart. He was not worried at all. For those non-parentals reading my blog, a growth chart is used to monitor the height, weight, and head circumference of your baby over time. It shows where your baby fits in compared to babies similar in age and gives you a percentile of how many babies weigh less, are shorter and have a smaller head then your baby. Another way that science tries to dictate what is normal...

There has been a lot of controversy over these charts since some say the actual charts were done in the 70s when the norm was to formula-fed babies and start solid foods way before the 6th month. Sometimes these charts are misused and LLLI has stories about how breastfeeding moms are pressured by doctors to supplement feedings with formula just because babies growth curve is falling. They lable this occurence as "failure to thrive" and fail to take into consideration other factors of why the babies curve may be a little different.

So Soluna is smaller than average in weight and height and average in terms of head size, no big deal. Breastfed babies usually weigh less than formula-fed babies, then catch up later as shown on this growth chart found on Kellymom.com and was created by the WHO:

Soluna would fit a little below the 50% for breastfed babies.

A UCDavis researcher suggests that this difference in weight has to do with how formula-fed babies retain more water and have a different composition in body fat.

We keep fielding comments like: "Oh! She's so tiny!" "She's a little thing, isn't she?" And in both Ben and my families, it always seems like fatter babies are seen as healthier. A few relatives keep giving her clothes that are sizes smaller than her actual age (which totally don't fit). With all the formula feeding trends in our world.. yea she is smaller but a totally happy, healthy, active and funny 1 year old!!

Just because I love advocating for breastfeeding here are 7 Ways Breastfed Babies Become Healthier Adults from Dr. Sears!

"What I want for you -- And every child in America"

"I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you've had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much-although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential."

President-elect, Barack Obama, wrote an open letter in Parade Magazine to his daughters. It has been such a long time since I've had this kind of hope for America. And now I can share that hope for Soluna and all our children.

Our first family! Wow!

oaktown mama: gotta go to miyozen!

(Picture stolen from Yelp. Uh oh.)

We actually wondered if it was Family Night at Miyozen. I was craving some sushi so we headed over to our neighborhood sushi joint at 1147 40th Street, Oakland. I've posted on Miyozen before and I just want to say it again. This place is baby-friendly! And, we should support them, because I am sick of going places without changing tables, without enough high chairs and that don't acknowledge you have a baby with you. Not only do they have a kids play area, but they now have a changing table in the women's restroom. The staff brings kids a kids cup of water with a straw, know to give the miso soup with a spoon and are always so friendly to Soluna. Tonight, there were like 10 tables of parents and their children ranging in age from newborn to around 8. For more info: Miyozen.

mama community

ColorfulMamas had a Winter Holiday Dance Party this past Sunday. And it was NICE. Really. To be surrounded by families of color. To watch Soluna play and giggle and be so excited to be around other babies. We're looking forward to more events to come.

Thank you Mitzi for these great pictures!

This little boy was honestly hitting on Soluna! hehehe. He's 11 months, has a history of liking older women, and went in for a kiss. Check out his hand on Soluna's foot!

Broccoli even your baby will love!

For New Years we headed down to San Diego to visit my Auntie Julie for a little stay-cation. She cooked dinner for us one night and Soluna loved her broccoli. This was a pleasant surprise considering Soluna has hated broccoli for the past few months. There was a time when she liked it, but that was short-lived. It's an easy recipe. So here goes:

Auntie Julie's Garlic Broccoli
olive oil
6 cloves of garlic (mashed)
broccoli with stems cut
water
salt and pepper (for taste)

Pour a small amount of olive oil into a pan and heat. When warm enough, saute the 6 cloves of garlic. Once lightly browned, add broccoli and add water so that broccoli is 1/2 submerged. Sprinkle salt and pepper, if desired. Cover pan and cook for 10-12 minutes until broccoli is desired consistently. Strain and serve!

Soluna turned 1!! ... like 4 weeks ago

Nearly four weeks ago Soluna turned 1. She has been laughing more, cruising fearlessly and dancing to her own beat. We had a small family party, by our Mexipino definition of small (nearly 25 people packed into our small bungalow - immediate relatives and godparents only). In celebration and reflection of a year of motherhood and a year of life, I write.

I had no idea what I was getting into when my husband and I decided to take the "wait and see" approach to getting pregnant after being married for only 3 months. I had never held a newborn baby or changed a diaper. After giving birth on December 23, 2007 my life and mama perspective has changed as dramatically as Soluna has grown. As I hold my little one year old, some may already call her a toddler, in my arms and nurse, life feels so sweet even knowing that things will inevitebly get harder.

On her birthday we put a tray in front of her with different objects people brought to the party to represent a possible career she might enjoy in the future. In some Asian culture they believe babies already have a preference for what their future career or passion will be in life. There was dry-ice and test tubes from her Ninong Steven, crayons from her Ninos and Auntie Diana, a stethescope from her Lola, make-up from her Auntie Lisa, a scarf for dancing from her Abuela. We also included a financial calculator, flamenco shoes, a pen, a computer mouse, red paint. Soluna grabbed immediately for the paint. Folks wanted her to choose a second thing, but she really liked that paint. A future artist, maybe...

So many more memories to make with our little one. So many possibilities for the future.

More to come later. I've been busy with my two jobs!

Summer in January? - Visit South Beach Harbor playground.

Soluna and I headed out to Ben's new worksite, the South Beach Harbor, to meet up for lunch. We did the walk from Embarcadero BART toward the ballpark. It was a BEAUTIFUL walk and long enough that this Ergo-wearing mama decided the stroller was needed. Thank goodness we brought it. (A good route for SF mamas to get some exercise.) You can check out the Ferry Building, a view of the Bay Bridge, city art sculptures, lots of restaurants to eat at and there are some displays with SF history along the path. There is a nice little surprise at the end, right before you get to AT&T Park... a cute little play area with a little climbing area, boat, sand and other things to crawl on, through and over. Soluna loved it. For more info: http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMFRZ, http://www.southbeachharbor.com/.

Oakland Rebellion

Last night in our little Oakland bungalow on the edge of West Oakland and Emeryville, the choppers could be heard in the distance. Soluna slept, as my husband and I watched folks on TV take their energy, grief and anger to the streets in protest of the killing of another African American youth, a father, a friend, a son. Oscar Grant was killed by a BART police officer at 2AM New Years Day and there was enough video recording of it to make any one wonder why a shot was fired at all.

I, probably like many others who are old enough to remember, could not help but connect today's Oakland to memories of LA's rebellion of 1992 where folks took to the streets after police officers were acquitted for the senseless beating of Rodney King that had also been videotaped. That rebellion escalated as emotions ran high and displaced racial tension in the city erupted. Communities, particularly Korean American business owners, became victims of something difficult to explain. Luckily, Oaklanders did not go too far down that same road (although the vandalism had no specific targets and did not spare anyone in particular).

As a mama, an important question came to mind yet again: Is this the city I want to raise Soluna in?

Mind you, this question was not directly related to the images of youth and older folks burning garbage cans, cars, and yelling at police and city politicians. I ask this question because it's not just about violence it's about how this city fosters the anger of young people and people of color. The city fosters hopelessness and a distrust of police and government where Oakland residents feel the need to protest peacefully or not so peacefully. What I am really asking myself is:

Do we really want to live in a city where police can shoot a young man in the back while he is laying face down on the ground? Do we really want to live in a city where the city officials make no public statement to address this blatant injustice or even just to tell people an investigation will be taken seriously UNTIL violence erupts? Where is the leadership in this city?

For now, I will call this a rebellion and not a riot because the language in describing the situation must give people the benefit of the doubt. For now, I don't think of this group as just an unruly mob of people causing violence for no particular reason, which is how the media often frames it. One news channel actually said that many of the protesters were just people joining in looking to have a good time. (Some bloggers do suggest that the violence was started and escalated by anarchists and not necessarily the community of folks who have been deeply affected by this injustice. Although, others who I've talked to say it was mixed group.) For now however, I believe that these protesters were challenging authority and letting the city know that they have had enough. And, I wish folks could try to better understand that anger, because I think it comes with much more than the murder of Oscar Grant. But don't get me wrong, much of that violence and anger is displaced. I just saw a woman cry on the news about how her car was burned and she no longer has it to drive her kids to school and does not have the money to replace it. Over 100 small business owners have windows to fix. Who are these protestors really rebelling against and have they chosen the right targets?

Anyways, I digress, because this is much more complicated than one blog post could handle. There is so much more to write and to discuss. Maybe another day. Maybe every day, until Oakland becomes a better place and I don't have to second guess our decision to make Oakland home.